I swallow the last of my pastry then I follow Quay Road until I see a sign for the beach. My churning gut has settled for now. I carefully hurry down the steps and my feet crunch on a bit of shingle on the beach. Small flecks of rain dampen my cheeks as I take a look. The lapping of the tide feels as though it’s closing in on me, then I realise that the tide is coming in. That’s when I see the cave. It’s nothing more than a dark gap in the landscape.
A gust blows my hair in my face. It’s as if Willy Wilcox himself knows I’m here and he’s conjuring up a storm to welcome me. A baby begins to cry, then I see that one of the family I followed down is holding a newborn in a sling. One of the adults moans about how bad the weather is getting so they turn back. Suddenly, I’m on my own and the heavens open up. I glance back at the roaring sea, the surface of the water rippling with every turn of the breeze. Seagulls make the strangest of sounds and to me, if I close my eyes, I imagine it’s Jess.I’m here, I want to tell her. Never have I been one to believe in spiritual things but a part of me needs to close my eyes and imagine that she’s guiding me through this next step.
I’ve arrived but I don’t know what I’m meant to do next. Through the rain that slides over my forehead and down my face, I glance up at the house above. I read about that house. It belonged to Willy Wilcox – the pirate himself. I’m sure I saw a shadow in one of the windows, but when I glance up again and squint a little so that I can focus better, there’s no one there.
I think of Wilcox’s pirating days. Smugglers brought in tobacco and spirits and maybe many other things I don’t know of. My heart palpitates as I think of Jess. Was she smuggled out of Looe, out of Polperro, out of Cornwall, or even out of the country? Everyone wants me to believe she drowned. The police neatly tied up the case and in my heart, I believe they were slack when investigating, or maybe one big cover-up is going on. The sea can’t tell me what happened, I wish it could. Only I can search for the answers.
I don’t want to be here when the tide comes in. The sea is giddying to look at and while I stare, it almost sends me to the ground as I half lose my balance. The atmosphere is intoxicating. A gasp slips from my lips as I imagine the sea dragging me out into the bottomless abyss. I place my shaking hands in my pockets and turn to face the cave. I’m not going anywhere near the sea and the less I see of it, the better.
I’m going to have to go into the cave. My messenger may have left something in there for me. I take a deep breath and before I know it, I’ve escaped the elements and my rapid breaths echo in an unsettling way.
Why have you brought me here, Will?I step further in holding my phone torch out. Glancing back, I feel reassured that I can still see the beach. From where I’m standing, the houses on the opposite side of the bay seem almost misty with spray from the rain. Jagged stone frames the entrance, and layer upon layer of cold rock has formed in sheets of reddish colours and greys that blend into a bluish tone. Reaching out, I press my palm onto the cold dead stone. The brutality of it is terrifying. Hostility stares back at me. As I step further in, the cave gets narrower and I can’t hear much outside. All I keep focusing on is my short, sharp, breaths that threaten to make me light-headed again.
As I tremble, the light from my phone flits everywhere. I’m unable to focus on one spot. I deserted my family for this. Kicking the rock, I flinch as my toe cracks. I peer ahead. From what I can see, I think I can go in further. Slowly, I creep forward, trepidation in every step. I read about the ghost that people claim to have seen in this cave and I feel a shiver work its way up my spine, then my neck. My hairline tingles in a way that says,get out, while you still can,then my torch begins to fade. That message rings through my mind.You’re in danger. Go home, Kate.My battery is going. Damn! I grab my hair and pull it in frustration before wrapping it in a bun at the nape of my neck.
I can’t see the beach but I know those waves are lapping ever closer to me. It’s getting late in the afternoon. Is Will trying to say that my sister ended up here? I imagine a helpless baby being cold in this cave as the tide came in to take her. A seagull squawks making me shudder. I can’t go much further. With the last bit of light I have, I crouch and stare at the rock ahead. In it I see faces that I know can’t exist but my mind is enjoying taunting me. My phone beeps, telling me that it’s about to go and I feel my stomach drop.
‘Why did you bring me here?’ I yell as tears roll down my cheeks. No one answers because there’s no one there. Will was never giving me a clue, he was playing games with a desperate woman. I’ve embarrassed myself and I’ve hurt my husband, all for this. I won’t visit Archie tomorrow; I’m chasing fool’s gold. People are watching me because no one wants me here. The loitering person was probably trying to take a photo of me to send to the paper. All I am is next week’s news. Whoever was in that dark-coloured car drove off and was probably no one. I’m seeing what I want to see. It all means nothing.
I’m going back to the cottage. I’m going to tell Damien how he was right all along and how much I love him and how sorry I am. Then I will hold the girls with all I have and read them a story. My phone dies and I’m staring into darkness as I listen to my sobs echoing.
I flinch as I catch a noise so slight, I might have been mistaken. Then I hear it again. A slight shuffle of a shoe.
As I go to turn, a heavy blow hits my head and I fall onto a pile of stones. Darkness pulls at me and in an instant all I can see before me are Millie and Rosie. My gorgeous little girls, and I wonder if I’ll ever see them again. My vision prickles to black nothingness.
TWENTY-FIVE
KATE
I’m sinking deeper and deeper. At first the sea was blue and I could see the sky above. Now, it’s as if the lights have been turned off. I hear Jess’s cries but my eyes aren’t working. I can’t see through the murky water that froths with every stroke I take. As I swim deeper in search of my sister, the icy fingers of the sea pull at me, dragging me deeper still. I know I’m getting closer to the truth.
I reach through the pea soup water and a shimmer twinkles ahead. One of my hands grapples with strings, long grey and black hair. As I try to move my arms, it tangles around and around until I’m bound up so tight, I can’t move my arms. My heart revs up and I’m desperate to inhale. The crying is piercing. Jess needs me. I poke my fingers into anything and everything, that’s when I feel a nose and an eye. It’s Willy Wilcox. Deep eyes stare at me but he has no irises, only large opaque pupils. I fight with all I have, until I feel his bones crack as I push through. It’s all so surreal. That’s when I see the seabed. The crying lures me over and when I get there, I scream and bubbles fizzle out of my mouth. It’s not Jess, it’s Millie. Her reddish-brown hair splays out in the water and her glassy eyes don’t respond to my presence.
The dream has gone as quick as it came.
Can’t breathe, can’t breathe. I’m shivering so violently, it sends my body jerking. I cough the salty water out of my throat and sit up.
I’m in the cave, lying face down with water lapping around my face. Coughing again, I expel more water out of my lungs and croak as I go to yell. My head throbs. I feel for my phone and pull it out of my pocket and I remember that the battery had gone. I reach in my top and pop it into my bra in the hope that it won’t get drenched.
I can’t see. Darkness has fallen and disorientation is smothering me. Trying to get up, I wobble and fall as a wave crashes through, propelling a bundle of weed forward that slaps against the rock. The tide, it’s coming in and if I don’t get out I’m going to die. A sharp pain runs through my head and reaches my eyes like a lightning strike.
I feel along the walls but which way? The sea has now reached my shins. It’s coming in fast. I have minutes, or is it seconds? Did my messenger do this to me? Someone hurt me. My heart sinks and my throat feels as though it’s going to close up. I keep coughing hard and all I can taste is saltwater. ‘Which way?’ I croak.
A seagull squawks behind me. That has to be the way. Another joins in and I feel as though Jess is there, leading me out with the seagulls. Her cries; their cries, are calling me, urging me to move. I wade through the water, unable to feel my legs for cold as I push through. Shaking the string of weed that has caught in my arm and fingers, I finally feel free. A vision of the pirate’s hair of my dream flashes before me.
Keep following the seagulls.As I reach the entrance, I know I have to wade and swim like never before. It’s dusky and across the bay, cosy houses in the rock face have their fires lit and I crave that warmth. I’ve never trained for waves and extreme cold. My mind flashes back to all the nice warm pools I’ve taught others to swim in and how the sea terrifies me.
‘Are you okay?’ A man calls from midway down the steps. His dog begins to yap at me.
‘Help,’ I croak. That’s all I can manage as I crawl on the wavy surface, water crashing over my head as I slip and lose my pace. My strength is dwindling which is why I can’t seem to stand without falling. It’s as if my legs don’t belong to me. Through chattering teeth, I try to call him again but I can’t. My arms are deadening too. Cold, so cold. I wonder if I’ll make it to the man. All I have to do is push further and harder. A clash of thunder fills the air and rain begins to pelt down. I can’t do this. I’m not going to make it. The sea keeps trying to drag me out. Is this how it ends? The sea taking both sisters?
The man might only be a short distance away but the sea kills and I know it’s trying to kill me right now. Another crashing wave sends me falling and hurtling under the surface and I feel my arm crunch against a rock. As hard as I try to hold my breath, it’s no good. I let that water in and I’m suffocating.
I’m going to die. Will killed me. Bringing me here was his parting shot.
TWENTY-SIX
KATE
