‘I love them.’
‘I love them too but I don’t stop them going out with their nan or going to birthday parties. You won’t even let them play in our neighbours’ gardens with their kids. It’s getting ridiculous and my mum is starting to take it personally. All she wants to do is take them to the park or for a picnic.’
He’s right. My children barely have any friends. I don’t trust anyone. My father has never seen them and he never will. He gave up on finding out the truth about Jessica. I would never give up on my children.
‘You won’t even let them play in our own bloody garden because you think a psychotic killer is going to climb over our fence and snatch them. Children need a bit of freedom. What are you going to do in a few years when they’re teens? Lock them up.’
‘They’re only four and five. They’re still babies.’ I can’t think about them being teenagers, it’s too far away. That’s something I’ll have to deal with when the time comes.
‘They are not babies any more! They need friends. It’s not normal to keep them cooped up the way you do. This is getting ridiculous.’
He’s right but I don’t know how I can change. By overprotecting them, I’m hurting them but I can’t let what happened to Jessica happen to Millie and Rosie. They’re my world.
My phone rings breaking the silence and I’m glad. It vibrates across the table and I reach it before it falls. ‘Hello.’ I nod and make a few noises to show that I’m listening before ending the call and gazing over at Damien. ‘I have to go into work early. Brett is going to be a bit late in and there’s no one to supervise the pool for the early sessions.’
‘Great. We’ll talk about this later.’ Damien kisses me on the cheek. ‘You go and get ready. I’ll make you some toast, then I’ll take the kids to school. I don’t have to be at my first job until half nine.’
I swallow. ‘Can you make sure you wait for them to go in? Don’t leave them. Watch them actually go through the door.’ Millie is in a nursery class so security is a little tighter but Rosie has to wait in the playground.
He shakes his head and his body language becomes rigid. The vein on his temple twitches, a sign that he’s getting aggravated. ‘This is exhausting, Kate. I’m their dad. What do you think I’m going to do? Leave them and run before I’ve handed them to a teacher. Please, stop this and if you don’t delete that page, I’d say our marriage was going down the pan. I can’t do this for much longer. It’s exhausting.’
That’s the first time he’s said those words about our marriage but he’s always blamed my page as if that is the cause of my overprotectiveness. I want to scream at him. It’s not the page, it’s what happened to Jess. It pains me but I must leave him to deal with the children so that I can get to work. I want to scream and shout. If it was down to me, I would never have gone back to work yet. The children are still so young but Damien thought it was for the best and that it might cure my anxieties. He can’t see how much I’m already sacrificing.
A tear trickles down my cheek. ‘I’m a terrible person.’
‘Look, no you’re not and I didn’t mean to say what I did. I love you, okay, but I want you to start thinking of ways to find closure. Twenty-five years is a long time.’
‘I’ll delete the page.’ The last thing I want is to lose him. I wipe my wet cheek and check the time. The hotel awaited me and I’d soon be running late.
‘You’ll feel better for it. Letting go of it will help, I promise. Now go and get ready before we’re all late.’
I force a smile and check the time again on my iPad. Unless I get a move on, I’m going to be seriously late. ‘You’re right. I’ll delete it later.’
After showering, I put my tailored shorts and polo shirt on over the top of my swimsuit, ready for a day of work. I quickly log on to Facebook and check the page. There are no new comments or messages so I swipe it away. Before heading out to work, I creep into the girls’ bedroom and kiss them both gently on the cheek.
‘Mummy loves you,’ I whisper as I remove a hair from Millie’s mouth. I step gently down the stairs and back into the kitchen.
‘Bye, love.’ Damien pulls me close to him and kisses me. It’s like everything he said to me earlier has all been forgotten. ‘See you later. Here, I made you this.’
He reaches towards the table and passes me a slice of buttered toast. ‘Love you.’ My face and smile tells him that I’m not the same person that he was speaking to only a few minutes ago, but inside, she still exists, gnawing away.
Before I pull off the drive, I pretend to eat my toast with one hand and I check the page again with the other. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt.
My heart bangs as I click on the notification. It’s an article in a local Cornish paper about Jess published today. As I scan through it, my blood begins to boil. How come they contacted my dad when they were writing it but missed me out? I’m the one who cares about what happened to her. I’m the one who keeps her memory alive. It’s me, all me, and they left me out. I hate them.
Then a message pops up and as I read it, I go cold.
I know what happened to your sister.
TWO
KATE
I check my watch as the pool starts to empty. Some of the parents dawdle with their fussing babies as they say their goodbyes. Today was another success for the baby swim programme but I can’t revel in my success at suggesting it, not with that message on my mind.
Will Wilcox, the name is as ordinary as any. He has no photos or information that I can see on his profile, which is why I sent him a friend request. He still hasn’t accepted so I must conclude that, once again, someone is playing about with me. The account is probably fake. So many people have done this to me over the years. They don’t realise how cruel they’re being.
What would Damien say if I told him about the message? Firstly, he’d be angry that I didn’t close the page so telling him isn’t an option. Secondly, he’d tell me that we’ve been here before, lots of times, and each and every message had turned out to be nothing. Sad people with nothing better to do. Some turned out to be teenagers playing a joke, others were untraceable fake accounts. Heartless, I know, but it’s true.
