I will only speak to you in person. Come to Looe and message me when you arrive. Tell no one about me, or I’ll vanish and you’ll never know the truth.
‘Hey, I called you three times. The girls are ready.’ I flinch and stand as Damien enters. I wonder if he can hear my heart banging away as I feel the weight of what Will has said.
‘I was just coming.’ I pop my phone in my coat pocket, frustrated that I can’t see if I have a reply.
‘What were you doing?’
‘I, err, ran out of my hand cream, you know the stuff I use. I was just ordering some more.’ I rub my hands and grimace. ‘My skin is itching a bit from all the chlorine at the pool.’ Forcing a smile I hurry towards him, kiss his lips and hurry down the stairs. The lies are coming too easy now. I should tell him that I saw my dad, instead I hide the photos under my bed. I should tell him about the message I’ve just received, but I can’t.
‘Come on, Mummy. We’ve been waiting ages.’ Millie sucks the end of her ponytail after ticking me off.
‘Yes, Mummy. You promised you’d push me on the swing.’ Rosie’s bottom lip covers her top lip as she fakes a grumpy look.
Damien zips his jacket up. It’s not the best day for the park but at least it’s not cold.
‘I am so going to push you as high as the sky on those swings. Come on, let’s go.’
As I walk through the estate with my family, the urge to pull out my phone and reread that message is driving me mad. The girls run ahead, chattering away in their high-pitched voices and Damien grabs my hand. My fingers lock into his as if they’ve always belonged there. As the girls skip, I’m reminded of how lucky I am and they deserve for me to be present.
‘They’re beautiful, aren’t they?’
‘Just like their mother.’ He kisses me as we walk, his lips meeting the side of my head. I wish that I could fully immerse myself in this moment, but my other hand grips my phone and all I want him to do is give me a few seconds to check my messages again.
‘Daddy, come and get us.’
Millie runs away screaming, then Rosie follows. My opportunity is about to come.
‘I’ll count to three and give you a head start. One… two… three!’
They scream and he runs.
‘The daddy monster is coming to get you.’ He runs with his arms outstretched making the monster noises that always make the girls giggle.
As they turn onto another path, I slow down on purpose. I can still hear the girls screaming and Damien roaring. With trembling fingers, I click onto my messages and read Will’s reply again. It isn’t a hoax; it can’t be. I have to find a way of getting Damien on board for a trip to Looe. Reaching out, I grab someone’s garden fence and take a deep breath as I read it again.
‘Mummy, hurry up.’ My red-cheeked Rosie runs up to me and barges into my side.
‘Coming, sweetie.’ Dropping the phone in my pocket, I stop and try to control my emotions before I turn that corner and Damien sees me. Exhaling, I proceed to paste a smile on my face.
‘Hurry up,’ Damien calls back as he runs towards the roundabout with Millie, his face full of glee. I couldn’t have asked for a better father for my children. I only hope that I don’t let him down as a mother with my lies, but I need to know the truth. The park will give me time to figure out how I get us all to Looe. More lies, but is it a lie when you only want the truth?
NINE
KATE
‘I’ve got a bit of a sore head, do you mind if I go for a lie-down for half an hour?’
I grab two paracetamol and down them with a glass of water. I’ve set my lie up nicely by telling Damien that I wasn’t feeling too well at the park. It feels calculated and that’s not me but it’s the only way I can try to find more out about Will, who doesn’t have anything useful for me to see on his Facebook profile. No posts, no visible friends. Nothing at all. He’s like a ghost. That last message won’t leave my head though and I can’t concentrate on anything else.
‘’Course, love. Go up. Me and the girls can watch a bit of telly. I’ll put dinner on in about an hour.’
‘You’re wonderful, do I say that often enough?’ I’m grateful that he gives me space if I need it. I kiss him and smile.
‘I’m proud of you.’
Scrunching my brows, I wait for him to say more. If he knew what I’d been doing he’d be as mad as hell. ‘Don’t be silly.’ I’m not proud of me, I don’t see why he would be and if he knew what I was going upstairs to do, he’d be disappointed. I clear my throat and step back a little.
‘Closing that page must have been hard and I know you’re probably thinking about it all the time but it’ll get easier, I promise. The last thing you need is all the cranks coming out of the woodwork all the time.’
