Thursday, 13 October
Mary said she’d visit her apartment above the shop but that didn’t happen and now it’s too late. She’d be working at the pub now. She checked her messages and not even a sorry had come through. Tonight should have been Natalie’s opportunity to air all that was whirring in her mind but she’d been denied that.
Slamming the door closed, she locked up, ready to go for a walk, leaving her lifeless shop and apartment behind. Grief did that, made a home feel empty. So-called friends had come and gone for days but now, her loss was really starting to hit. Laura hadn’t called her back. Maybe Natalie was destined to be stuck with that old ceramic pie dish forever. Mary was a no-show.
Loss, that was a joke. She’d lost something that wasn’t real. Their whole life together had been one great big lie.
‘Alright, Nat. It’s good to see you out and about.’ Cody stepped off his boat and zipped up his jacket. His peppered hair mussed up from a day running boat trips.
‘Yes, I suppose.’ What could she say? No, I’m not alright.
‘Good day for October.’ He patted the money pouch that was tied around his waist.
‘Yes, it’s been mild. I wish this stormy weather would do one though. How’s your dad?’
Cody shrugged. ‘Getting worse, but what can you do?’
‘Sorry to hear that.’
‘You know, no one ever asks about him. Thanks. I appreciate it.’ Cody paused and momentarily bit his bottom lip. Natalie hadn’t asked for years and suddenly a pang of guilt washed through her. Soon people would start forgetting to ask her how she was. Alan’s fatal heart attack would be history. Cody continued. ‘I miss working with him on the boat, before all that… you know. He never stepped on the boat much after. The trauma of the car accident, his health problems and that poor little baby drowning. Bad memories. I read the article, brought it all back for me.’
‘That was a long time ago.’
‘I know and I wish we could all be left to move on. I was just thinking about it, about him before the accident. It used to be great hanging out at the harbour. It was us, Mary and Kyle, and Old Mr Pritchard back then, bless his sweary soul. Mr P was a character. We dominated boat trips around here. Such good times and Dad, he used to love taking the families fishing. It’s what he lived for.’
‘Yes, it was a shame that everything happened the way it did. Tell old Archie I send my regards. I do think about him.’ Truth be told, Natalie had spent the whole night thinking about Archie and she knew she needed to visit him, but first she needed to straighten things out in her head. Archie had a lot to answer for but she had to keep what she’d heard to herself for now.
‘I can try. He does have the occasional lucid moment but they’re becoming few and far between. I tried to tell him about Alan but it didn’t sink in.’ Cody stayed silent for a few seconds and checked his watch. ‘Is that the time? Best get home. Missus wants me to be back for tea tonight and our Daisy is cooking, which makes a change.’ He let out a laugh.
‘Have a good one.’ Before Natalie had finished speaking, Cody was heading home – to his lovely home and his daughter who always sat down to tea with him. Natalie swallowed, wishing that she had that warmth at home, but that was never going to happen and it was Alan’s fault. If only she could have her time all over again, adopted maybe. Seeing all of his texts and emails had opened her eyes. Her whole life had been a lie and she’d sacrificed so much.
Darkness had fallen and the tide was getting higher. The slight breeze blew the fairy lights that lit up the harbour, casting twinkly shadows on the pavement. Before she knew it, she was striding down the narrow paths, passing all the closed shops and bustling restaurants and takeaways. She stopped in an alleyway, watching through the window of the Old Smuggler. She wondered if Mary was in there, or whether she was upstairs with her husband. No pain was greater than that of knowing that someone you love had been giving their all to someone else.
That’s why Alan had avoided the Old Smuggler and he’d told her not to go in too, stating that he didn’t get along with Kyle. It had nothing to do with Kyle. Mary’s husband had been deceived as much as Natalie had. She was going in. Alan was gone and he couldn’t tell her what to do or where she could go. She was sick of secrets. She wondered why people were happy to live a lie. Mary had been living a lie; Archie had too. Everyone she knew was putting up a façade. This town was carrying a sickness and it was getting sicker by the minute. Too many people had been hurt and that article had probably already started to ruffle some feathers.
She hurried across the road and pushed open the door, stepping in with all the bravado she could muster. Her gaze flitted across the room. Several families, a bar that was two people deep and a group of people with dogs sitting around the fireplace, filled the pub. Frank Sinatra sang about New York on the jukebox. She inhaled the hoppy smell and her mouth watered slightly at the thought of downing an ale. Maybe she should have a couple of drinks for Alan. He did like a drink.
There was no sign of Mary, Kyle or Rachel. The staff who worked for them were quite happily running the place alone. She nudged her way through the drinkers, before grabbing her purse and waiting to be served. Her planned outburst was now choking in her throat. With no one to tell, the sick nerves cloying in her gut had fallen flat. All she was left with was an emptiness that had become so familiar it was spreading like mould. Besides, Kyle didn’t deserve that. It was a good job they weren’t there.
‘Mrs Thomas, you don’t come in here much. What can I get you?’ The girl’s blonde ponytail flicked as she turned to her. She couldn’t remember her name but she’d been buying ice creams from Alan since she was a nipper.
‘Thought I’d check this place out. I never come in. I’ll have a Hell’s Stone, make it a double.’ Only a large whisky would cut it tonight. Forget the ale.
‘Coming up. We’re all really sorry about Alan. He was a top guy. We all loved him.’
She pressed her lips together in a smile. ‘Thank you, that means a lot.’
As the young woman grabbed the bottle and began to measure out the whisky, Natalie continued speaking. ‘Is… err, Mary around tonight. She was meant to come over to mine earlier.’
‘I’m afraid she’s not.’
She swallowed. ‘Do you know when she’ll be in?’
She scrunched her nose up. ‘Nah. That would be tricky to tell. Rachel was taken into hospital after going into labour earlier. Mary and Kyle left several hours ago and we haven’t had any more news yet.’ She grabbed a jar. ‘We’re having a collection to get Rachel a gift for the baby. Wanna contribute? We’re trying to get her a car seat.’ The girl smiled.
She fished around in her pockets, her anger evident as she poked in the corners. Had Alan turned to someone else because she couldn’t give him what he wanted more than anything?
‘You don’t have to.’ The girl went to withdraw the jar just as she pulled out a ten-pound note from the depths of her pocket.
