I slam the door to the kitchen shaking the frame.
A rustling noise comes from the other room. Where was I? I need to tend to my new Hailey, the real in-the-flesh Hailey.
Heading back, I unlock Hailey’s door and enter, my eyes trying to adjust to the darkness. I pop the music on again and our tune plays quietly in the background. It’s working. It’s turning her into Hailey. If she eats what Hailey used to eat, listens to what Hailey listened to and sits in the dark, just like Hailey always did when she needed to think, she will have to become Hailey and my past will be brought forward to my present where the two shall finally converge.
I glance at the woman in the chair but her eyes are screaming fear and there is so much blood around her arms. Removing the rag from her mouth, I kiss her forehead. ‘What’s happened?’
She looks confused and screams at the sight of me then she stops as if regretting her decision to scream. She takes a few sharp breaths. ‘I’m Hailey. I like cheese on toast.’ But she’s shaking and sweating. Nothing feels right. The ghost of my past screams through my head.She isn’t me.I want to hush it away but it won’t go.
‘Which Teddy does Hailey like the most?’
The woman in front of me doesn’t answer.
‘What is Hailey’s favourite song?’
“‘Beautiful Dreamer”. I love that song and you keep playing it for me.’ She pauses. ‘I love you.’
My neck prickles. Hailey never once said that to me. ‘Wrong answer!’ I pace back and forth, knocking things over in the half-light. I could tear down the blackout material and the cardboard from the windows but I won’t. Hailey liked darkness and she did until the end where it consumed her.
‘Please untie me. I can learn to be better.’
But I know better. It hits me. She’s just like Amber. This is where it goes downhill.
‘Please,’ she yells. Her crying and wailing hits me. I’ve been kidding myself. That voice. How could I ever have thought that it would become Hailey’s soft voice? The shrillness of it is going through my head and I want it to stop. Shut her up, that’s what I need to do and I know just how to do that. I run out to grab what I need from the kitchen.
I hurry back with a tube of glue and I yank the cap off it.
‘No, please. I’m quiet. Look.’ She shuts her mouth and she’s right, she’s quiet, but it’s too late. I can’t trust her now. I was kidding myself that I could see Hailey as all I now see is Jhanvi.
Pressing the button on the chair’s control panel, it begins to slide back and the leg rest comes up further. She’s trying to resist. I grab her plaits that I lovingly created and yank her neck back against the back of the chair. Its slight tilt is just right for what I’m about to do, like a dentist preparing to examine a patient. As she wriggles, I press the tube of glue. The fast-drying liquid lands on her cheeks, her chin and her chest, then what’s left lands on her lips. ‘Now you have no choice but to shut up.’ Tears spill down her face. A part of me feels guilty as I catch Hailey again in her features but I shake my head. It didn’t work. What I need to do is start again and do better.
I was never good enough. In my mind I see my mother telling me what a loser I am and my hands shake. Now that she can’t engage in conversation with me, I speak and I can’t shut up, babbling on about everything. Then I stop and I see the alarm in her eyes. There’s no going back now. It’s all out there. She knows my deepest darkest secrets and more than anything, they must be contained. I stomp out of the room to get what I need.
In my mind I see Hailey sobbing, saying I told you so. It’s not just about Amber. It’s not just about Madison. I stare at the shed through the window. For a moment, I hate myself more than ever. Grabbing a knife from the block, I know what I must do.
This has to end, once and for all. Her tears are falling but I can’t let that cloud my ability to see this through.
‘You’re breaking my heart. Now, I’m going to break yours.’
61
Madison heard chattering coming from the kitchen, something about what Alice was doing with Tyrone last night and mentions of having to go to the police station to make a statement. The door slammed and Alice rushed in, bringing a waft of chilly air with her. ‘What are you doing, Alice?’ Madison saw her friend pulling a fresh pair of jeans on. ‘Who was that and where did you go last night?’
‘I met Tyrone.’
‘You left me.’
‘He was convinced that his landlord, Vincent, killed Amber and attacked you so we set up a meeting to buy drugs from him so we could suss him out.’
‘You what?’ Alice ignored her and continued dressing. Madison forced herself out of bed, holding her head for a few seconds until the wooziness passed. A little stretch told her that she needed to go easy on herself and not overdo it. ‘Wherever you’re going, I’m coming with you.’
‘Get back into bed. You’re not well enough.’
‘No and I don’t care.’ Madison discarded her pyjama top and flinched as she pulled a jumper over her head. ‘If it concerns me, I want to be a part of it.’
‘You’re one stubborn cow.’
Madison forced a smile. ‘Whatever. Grab your coat, girl. Where are we going?’
