Jacob led the way out and Briggs placed his large warm hand on her shoulder. She shrugged it off.
O’Connor stomped down the corridor and held a hand up at Gina. ‘We’ve found Mr Collins’s car.’
Gina followed O’Connor to the incident room. ‘Just the break we needed. Tell me everything you know.’
45
I pick up the kitchen knife, then the loaf of bread and I cut a couple of slices. My hands feel jittery. I grab the cheese from the fridge and pop the bread under the grill, then turn it and put the cheese on it. Cheese on toast was always her favourite so this is what I’m making.
I stare at the corner, that same corner that her memory often haunts me from. Things are different now I have someone else.
I have a living, breathing version of you in my living room, a good copy. I am going to turn her into you. I feed her the food you liked, play her the music you enjoyed and dress her in your clothes. She will become you.
The smoke alarm starts to sound. I grab the burnt toast from the grill and begin wafting the tea towel in the air and for a second I’m stunned. I’m back there on that day all those years ago, the smell of grilled cheese in the air. I’d burnt my food on that day, the day my life was ruined. I clench my fists. In the past I’ve been sad when allowing myself the luxury of thinking about that day but now, I’m livid. You are making me do this, you!
Closing my eyes, I imagine I’m underwater, the same image that plagues me often and I see you attached to me by a rope but you’re drifting. I pull and pull, trying to haul you closer but the rope is more like stretchy elastic and you get further away. I try to swim but the water is weird. Still clear but it’s thick, like honey and I can’t swim, I can’t float. I’m drowning, you’re drowning. My lungs are choked and I feel the panic. The last thing I see is your vacant stare as the cord snaps and you drift into the darkness.
Jolting back to reality I grab the knife and stab it so far into the chopping board it slices through and pierces the worktop. I snatch the charred grill pan and unlock the back door, walking through the wall of snowflakes along the patio to the bin, that’s when I give the shed a little glance. If my little police officer doesn’t work out, that’s where she’ll end up. No more lakes; I can’t have her found. Not this time.
I look at my watch and the music comes on automatically as per my programming and all I imagine is my beautiful dreamer and I hate myself for getting angry just then as I thought about her. It’s complicated.
The snow blankets the landscape. The houses beyond are capped in pure white and the sky almost matches that colour so I can barely see where horizon meets it. Shivering in my T-shirt, I hurry back into the kitchen and enjoy the melody as I decide that a cheese sandwich might be the best course of action given my failure in toasting the last one.
As soon as I’ve made it, I hurry into the lounge and a shaft of light from the hallway catches the one side of her face, lighting her profile up beautifully. There’s something poetic about it all. The policewoman is Hailey. She looks like her. She acts like her and she will be her. I just need to teach her how.
‘The darkness won’t last forever, Hailey. I promise. When you’re better, we’ll have the loveliest life. I promise.’
Her glare searches for the light behind me, scoping out the bungalow. The home she never knew. Soon, it will be hers as well as mine.
‘Are you hungry?’
She nods so I remove the gag that I had to put back on her. I hate doing this but it’s the only way. I want this one to work.
Her searching lips clasp around the bread as I hold it to her mouth, her dark eyes bore into me as she chews. I close my eyes for a second and I’m back in the water pulling the cord and she’s coming back to me. Her dark hair splayed out framing her gentle features, making her look like a willowy angel. My Hailey is coming back.
As she takes another bite, I smile. She needs to build her strength up. ‘My Hailey.’
46
As Gina bit into the chocolate muffin that O’Connor had left on the table she continued to listen. Maybe some of her anxiety could be alleviated with a bit of food. It had been a long time since she’d last eaten. The rest of the team gathered around.
O’Connor pulled a hat over his bald head and shivered. ‘The Collinses car is parked up at his parents’ house. They’ve only gone for a break in their caravan.’
‘In this weather?’ Gina said.
‘I know.’ O’Connor shrugged. ‘That’s what Mr Collins’s mother said. They also borrowed his parents’ Land Rover Discovery, claiming it made towing easier. At least we know which car we’re looking for now.’
‘Do we know where they’ve gone?’ Gina licked a crumb from her lips.
‘They didn’t say. They tended to go everywhere in their caravan but quite often went on local breaks for short periods, preferring Warwickshire or Worcestershire. His mother mentioned that they liked a particular site in Evesham. I contacted that site but it was closed for the season.’
Briggs cleared his throat and sat at the table. ‘I think we need to put out a press release and I need to make a statement. We need the Collinses out there, state that we are looking for witnesses, not suspects. We need them to stop running.’
‘We can’t send Kapoor’s photo out there, not yet. Whoever is holding her can’t be alarmed. They’ve already killed once and they might kill her if they feel we’re closing in,’ Gina replied as she finished the muffin and stared at the board. The doughy texture began to clog in her throat. She took a swig of her drink.
‘Yes, agreed. We definitely won’t mention Kapoor yet but we need to work harder, longer and I’m afraid this is going to mean cancelling all personal plans for now. I know this is hard but we owe it to Jhanvi Kapoor to do everything we can.’ Briggs’s eyes creased at the corner.
Gina stared at the photo of Amber’s body by the lakeside.
