‘Yes, definitely. Can’t have it dying out here in the cold. I’d never forgive myself.’
She ignores me as she shines her phone torch under the car before cooing and calling.
Freezing wetness creeps through the knees of my jeans. The light from her phone almost catches me under the car. I jerk up, just in time to miss it.
I can smell her perfume as it’s carried with the breeze. It’s rosy, flowery, but not strong. It might even be the scent from her shampoo. I stand near the boot, just behind her as she continues. ‘Hedgehogs don’t have young at this time of the year. They normally have their babies about July.’
She’s only just clicked. That was slack of me trying to lure her here to save a baby hedgehog. I grip the rock in my pocket. Now – I have to do it now, before she tries to get up to run. Smash it against her head and bundle her in my boot, that’s what I have to do. I take a step back into the darkness as the main door of the block clicks open. ‘Erm… maybe I got it wrong.’ I loosen my grip slightly as the person calls.
Cat café woman is heading towards her car. I slip away, hurrying through the cut in the bushes as Madison turns to speak to her and I watch from behind a tree. She’s shouting about going to the pub later and meeting Maddie after she’s been to the hospital. At least I know where she’s heading. I will have her tonight, that’s for sure.
Miss Cat Café continues. ‘At least she’s only at Cleevesford. Oh, send your nanna my love. I hope they let her out soon.’
‘Will do. Thanks, Alice. That man, the one who was looking for the hedgehog…’ I know without looking that Madison is wondering where I’ve gone. ‘Did you see him?’
I press my back against the tree and try not to move a muscle.
‘No.’
‘I think I’m cracking up. I’m talking to an invisible man and searching for a hedgehog that doesn’t exist. No seriously, there was someone here. We were looking for a hedgehog… Never mind. I’ll give the pub a miss.’
I’m not going to tail her to the hospital. It will be too obvious now. I wonder if she recognised me. Had it been lighter, she might have.
I’ve shown my interest on AppyDater but she’s gone off radar. It’s humiliating. I pull the rock from my pocket and feel my stare harden. My mother always said I looked like I was about to kill someone when I stared like this. Maybe she knew me better than I ever thought. I mean, hitting her with a rock. There was always a chance that I would kill her in the process. Thinking of Amber, I know I’m capable.
Glancing around, I realise that Madison has pulled away in her car and Alice has gone back in. I’m now alone except for the rat, which is on its hind legs, licking its paws after its bin feast.
Once I’m in my car, I check AppyDater again. Madison still hasn’t got back to me, which is why I can’t wait any longer. There is a void in my life and I need to fill it before I implode.
My thoughts fall on earlier. I need something, someone. I need you but all I can do is find second-rate replacements like Amber and Madison and hope that I can mould them into what I need them to be. Madison has to work out. But first, I need to break her. Break, then rebuild, or in Amber’s case, break and fail.
My phone beeps. I reach down. For the first time on this app, I have a smiley. Oh, hello. The dark-haired woman looks down in a demure way. I can’t quite see her whole face. She’s older than what I need but hey, maybe I’ve had it all wrong so far. I scan her information and I’m sure that she’s the woman from the lake. No mention of her being in the police and she’s left her hobbies blank, maybe she thinks working for the police will put people off. I click on the photo I took on my phone from afar and compare the head shape and features, nose contours. It’s definitely her, without a doubt, trying so hard to conceal her full identity. I call it being discreet. Clever woman. How can I bump into her? I ponder that thought. She was already on my radar so seeing her here is like Christmas has come early.
There’s an earnestness in her look, a bit like you used to have. It’s like you’re back. I can’t lose you again.
I look again at her photo. She’s kind of special. More special than Madison? The likeness is closer. I flick back to Madison. I’m not sure what to do any more. ‘Give me a sign. Eenie meenie…’ I can’t decide but having backup options is always a good thing. I know where she works and, if all fails, I can follow her home.
Right now, I’m not sure who will be the main feature and who will be the backup. A member of the police force will be more of a challenge but maybe the results will be better. I can’t afford to fail. I messed up with Amber and that can’t happen again. I’m craving closeness, company and warmth and I’m not prepared to exist without it. I deserve it.
I flick through the phone again.
It’s always good to have options. My heart flutters with excitement as the car begins to warm up.
Decisions, decisions.
24
Disinfectant and gravy, a nauseating smell that took Gina right back to school. It wasn’t the dinners being unpalatable that she remembers, in fact she enjoyed them, it was the disinfectant that was turning her stomach – that and the hunger that had taken a hold. Jacob was ahead of her, tailing the kind teacher that was taking them to the waiting area outside the staff room where Mrs Collins was still in her meeting – running late, apparently.
She lifted a hand up and saw that she had the jitters. Maybe having that last cup of coffee was a bad idea. She shook her head, trying to clear the slight lightheaded feeling that was taking over. Before heading back to the briefing after speaking to Mrs Collins, she had to get some food.
‘If you take a seat there, she should be out very soon. She knows you want to speak to her. I’ll head back to reception. If you need anything in the meantime, just ask. Can I get either of you a coffee or a tea?’ A few strands of the young woman’s ginger bun were starting to escape.
Gina glanced at Jacob. He shook his head and she could do without another caffeinated drink. ‘We’re fine, thank you.’
‘In that case, I’ll leave you to it.’ She smiled before turning and clip clopping on her heels back through the dining hall door.
‘That smell is making me hungry,’ Jacob said as his stomach rumbled.
