Prologue
Friday, 18 January
Ten years ago
I tap on Hailey’s bedroom door hoping that my mother can’t hear me. The last thing I want to do is wake my mother up. ‘Hailey,’ I whisper, but I know that isn’t enough. If she’s asleep, there’s no way that would have woken her but what I have to say can’t wait the few hours until morning. I have the solution to all our problems. There will be no school tomorrow or ever again. I have a plan and everything is in place, just like I promised her. I asked you to be patient and you have. Our nightmare will soon be over and we can start again, somewhere else, away from all the hurt that we’ve endured.
A creak comes from my mother’s bedroom and I hold my breath. A trickle of sweat slips down my forehead and eventually bounces off my nose. Quietly exhaling, I grip the door handle and pull it down. Hailey’s perfect nose and the curve of her forehead is lit up by the moonlight that comes through her bedroom window.
Something’s odd. She normally has her curtains closed, preferring to sleep in pitch-blackness. She always said she couldn’t sleep if there was the faintest bit of light coming through. I creep across the floorboards, purposely missing the squeaky one and I stare at her face. Her skin has a serene blue hue, like an almost white baby blue. I reach out and move her hair from her mouth then I tuck it behind her ear. She still has her earphones in. She must have fallen asleep while listening to music. I pull the one bud out and place it to my ear. Nothing. I pick up her phone and play the last thing she was listening to as she fell asleep, hoping that my movement and presence will slowly wake her. The last thing I need to do is startle her and make her scream. We need to get out of the house quietly before Mother hears us.
‘Beautiful Dreamer.’ That’s the song she was listening to last. That’s weird too. It was one of Nan’s favourites. Hailey normally prefers the Black Eyed Peas. Her bedroom is testament to the fact that she is their number one fan. There are posters of will-i-am and Fergie on every wall. As I remove her other earbud by reaching under her head, I flinch and gasp for breath. ‘Hailey.’ I nudge her. She’s freezing cold. I reach for her arm. That is cold too. I nudge her again. ‘Hey, wake up.’
Nothing. No breaths, no reply, no movement.
‘Get up. Hailey, we have to go.’ Tears begin to slip down my face as the realisation of what has happened dawns on me. ‘No!’
I grab her stiff body and place her head on my chest and I can’t hold my sobs back. It was all going to be okay. I’d fixed everything for us but now she is gone forever. We were finally going to be safe and happy. I spot the empty blister packs of tablets on her bedside table, the water glass is on its side and some of the packs have fallen onto the floor. I let out a distraught yell and grip her ice-cold hand, knowing that she’s not coming back from this. Everything I’ve done has been for nothing. I’ve lost her.
I draw her quilt up to her chin before rushing out of the bedroom and into my mother’s, turning the main light on. I can feel the veins on my head pulsing and my hands ball into a fist. I’d always held back at Hailey’s insistence, but not this time.
‘You did this.’
I grip the sides of my head and pull my hair as she stirs. At the back of my mind, I hear Hailey’s voice, telling me she doesn’t want anyone hurt. She doesn’t want trouble and she doesn’t want to be punished. She won’t be punished again. I left it too late. I should have done something earlier.
‘What? Go back to bed. It’s the middle of the night,’ she murmurs and yawns under the blanket but I can hear what she’s saying. My mother. My lovely mother. ‘Turn the light off.’
I jump on the bed and reach for her neck under the top blanket, my hands gripping her windpipe to a squeeze. She flails and wriggles beneath me. I hate her. I’ve never hated anyone so much. I feel her fist hit my nose and I fall to the floor, landing on the rug. She has a punch on her that would rival a boxer, Hailey and I have felt the strength behind her fists on many occasions. ‘You killed Hailey.’
My mother looks puzzled as she rubs her neck. ‘What?’ My blood is smeared over her knuckles and I just want to pound her head to a pulp.
‘You heard me.’ I’m back on my feet, seething, and my own fist hits the side of her head, and I don’t stop there. I hear a rib crack and a shriek as I catch her jaw. She goes to fight back but I am no longer a kid. I’m a man now. After a few blows, I feel a weakness run through my body. So much for being a man. That didn’t save Hailey. Another punch and another. I can’t stop myself as I think of Hailey’s cold body.
Mother has to pay for what she did and I’m making her pay, right now.
‘Stop! You’re killing me.’
If only I cared.
1
Friday, 22 January
Now
Amber sifted through her clothing rail and held up the pale pink jumpsuit. ‘How about this one?’
Scrunching her nose, Lauren shook her head. ‘You should go with the blue dress, it really suits you and it will be easier to take a pee.’ Her friend giggled. She remembered the time that Lauren had got so drunk while wearing a jumpsuit that she’d almost peed herself outside a nightclub in Birmingham.
‘No! The blue looks like an old lady dress. I wore it for a job interview. Why don’t you make us a drink while I get ready?’
Lauren padded out of the room, pulling a comedy face as she glanced back before leaving the room.
Grabbing her phone, Amber smiled as she spotted another message. She didn’t give this phone number to anyone, but he wasn’t anyone. She liked him, a lot. He definitely wasn’t like the others.
I seriously can’t wait to see you for real. You don’t know what you do to me. Xxx
She twiddled her finger through her curls. That’s what student life was all about, trying new things, new men, new women. She’d tried it all and only regretted the one and that was Lauren. She shrugged as she pulled the jumpsuit on, pairing it with leopard print heels and a long winter coat, which she knew she’d be able to remove when she arrived at the restaurant. Grabbing a chunky necklace to finish off the look, she was as ready as she’d ever be.
