“Boy.” I snort out a laugh and shift in my chair, wounded by her directness. “I guess the truth hurts, huh?”
“Does it? Because I’m not sure you’re letting it sink very deep.” Goddamn, this woman isn’t pulling a single punch. Maybe she was in advertising, but she’d be hell on some poor bastard on the witness stand.
“Look,” I say, putting up my hands. “I get it. And you need to know I’m seriously thinking about everything. I really am. Even if it may not look like it. But I’ve got to admit, life is coming at me pretty fast right now. It’s not easy.”
“Nothing worth doing is ever easy. Look at your father and I.” It’s the first time she’s referenced their marriage outright, and I prick up my ears. “You think that was easy? With your sister hanging around?” She snickers wearily and runs her fingers through her hair. “The age difference would be enough on its own, without all the familydrama.”
Mary might not be looking at me, but it’s clear that I’m squarely implicated.
“I hear you.”
She looks at me hard, but doesn’t counter me in words, so that’s something. Take the victories where you can find them.
“Wayne, I guess what I’m saying is this.” Reaching out, she dusts her fingertips over the mounds of paperwork jumbled up in Al’s absence. “Work is work, and the world goes on spinningwhether we’re ready to catch up or not. But women like Katie?” She arches a brow, a knowing glimmer in the corner of her eye. “They don’t wait around. Baby or not.”
Tapping her hand twice on the door frame, Mary saunters off to leave me with my thoughts. There’s a lot swirling around in my head, and it’s well past time to get it straightened out.
KATIE
One night with Wayne in my bed and two nights alone. Which seems to be his pattern.
To Wayne’s credit, he texts pretty much all the time. I see him around the ranch when I’m there, and he comes by for some reason or other just about every day. It would be fine if they were more than just visits.
He can be as attentive as he wants, there’s no getting around the fact that we’re living completely separate lives. Which might not be so bad if we were simply dating, but with a baby?
Maybe I’m wrong to want more.
Whatever he mightsayabout wanting to be with me, his actions make his investment pretty clear.
Not only that, but it’s what he doesn’t say that speaks louder than just about anything else. I don’t need him to throw himself at my feet or anything, but if the guy says he wants to be with me, then why can’t he justbe with me? Why is it always here and gone?
The baby growing inside me has completely rearranged my priorities. My whole adult life I’ve been independent, and overnight I’m ready to settle down. To spend my forever with someone. And Wayne may never be ready for that.
When I’m really in the dumps, it’s easy to blame him for that. But at the end of the day I just have to accept that he’s not wired like that.
Being a single mom wouldn’t be quite so impossible to think about if I had my feet planted firmly. But with this whole David Chase thing, the world is pretty shaky. At least Everett and Mary have let me keep coming in. Otherwise my bank account would already be tapped out.
And I’ll admit, it’s been getting thin.
They keep things pretty well stocked over at the ranch, but I decide to swing by the office to pick up a few supplies. It’s easier to add something to the invoice than to request they order it themselves. I charge them the wholesale cost and cut out the middle-man.
I pull into my usual parking spot and look at the building before getting out of the car. It feels weird not to come here every day. The clinic has a forbidding aura around it that I have to shake my head to dispel.
“You’re just working yourself up,” I mumble, as I unbuckle my seatbelt.
Getting out of the car is a chore. How did this happen so quickly? I don’t even feel like I look all that different yet, but I’m winded over the least little thing. It makes every minor task feel like a mile long hike.
Going into the office feels fraught all on its own without the added physical exhaustion. Once inside, I force a bright smile and wave at the receptionist.
“Hey, Jess!” I call out.
Jess doesn’t seem thrilled to see me. Did I just say that too loud? I’ve never felt comfortable when I’m forcing a cheery facade. It doesn’t help that Jess’ cringing smile has a dash of worry in it. Or maybe I’m fooling myself. Either way, my heart is thumping like crazy as I push through the doors to the back.
Dr. Sarah’s office door is open, and I call out as I make my way to the supply closet.
“Hey! Don’t mind me, I’m just picking up a few things. Pretend I’m invisible.”
The head tech Melissa pokes her head out of Dr. Sarah’s office after me, and this time there’s no getting around it. Her eyebrows are knit in genuine concern. My mouth goes dry and I walk past to start picking up the stuff I came for.
