I let my thoughts wander as I wash my hands, not looking at myself in the mirror.
What would life be like with a kid? I could handle it, sure, but I'm notreadyfor that. I haven't prepared, haven't started saving or planning. I'd be a good mom, but now isn't the time for something like that.
And Wayne certainly isn’t the right person for me to have a baby with.
He's already proven that he's not ready for a relationship, much less achild. The minute I started thinking we were really getting somewhere serious, that I could trust him, he shattered that illusion. He took off to who knows where, and I have no clue if I'll see him again.
I was fooling myself about the possibility of a relationship with Wayne, but I won't fool myself about the chance for a family with him. That's a step too far.
The timer on my phone goes off, and I jump as I’m shocked out of my thoughts. I chuckle at my thoughts as I reach for the stick. I'm so ready to see a clear negative that I don't recognize what I'm looking at for several long seconds.
But right there, clear as day, is a plus.
It’s positive.
Oh.
Fuck,
It feels like the floor drops out from under me, my stomach flipping as the nausea makes a full comeback. I bend over the toilet and hurl up the watermelon I just ate.
Panic takes over, my breaths coming fast as my thoughts whirl. What am I supposed to do? This has to be wrong. I misread it.
My hands shake as I fumble for the test again, but the result doesn't change.
A knock sounds at the door, and I damn near jump out of my skin.
“Katie?” Mary says, her voice muffled through the door. “Are you okay?”
I rush to stand, smoothing out the creases in my shirt as best I can. The test is still clutched in my hand as I fumble the bathroom door open. Mary stands there, a hopeful smile on her face.
“Can I see?” she asks, glancing toward the test.
I hand it over silently, a shaky, forced smile on my face. She squeals in excitement as soon as she sees the result, but it tapers off when she looks back up at me.
I'm trying so hard to be happy, but I'm fuckingterrified.
My wide eyes fill with silent tears, and Mary steps forward and immediately pulls me into a hug. She doesn't say anything, just holds me close as I struggle to keep my breathing under control.
This wasn't supposed to happen. What am I supposed to do?
It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that the baby is Wayne’s, given how much time we've been spending together. God, if Everett puts it together, I have no idea what will happen. This could affect my career in so many ways. It'll change my entire life.
I break down into tears on Mary’s shoulder, clutching at her as I sob.
“Oh, sweetie, it'll be okay,” she says softly. “Hush, you don't need to cry. Deep breaths, in and out.”
I fight to follow her instructions, copying her steady exhalations until I can open my eyes and not feel like I'm about to collapse.
“I think you should go home for today,” Mary suggests. “Get some rest, do some thinking, eat some ice cream. Or watermelon.” She says the last part with a smile. I don’t have it in me to smile back.
Normally, I'd argue, but I don't have the energy right now. There are too many things to think about for me to stay here. I need the comfort of my own space, my own bed.
I have to decide if I should tell Wayne. What I should tell Everett. I trust Mary to keep my secret for now, but I can only rely on that for so long.
I'm going to keep the baby, I already know that, but there are so many things to figure out. God, what the hell am I supposed to do?
Fuck.
