He blew out that last candle and they left together, quietly making their way to Gwyneth’s chambers. The floor was silent, the others having retired for the night as well.
“Gabriel,” she began, leaning against him. “I want…I’d like…”
“What, love?” He cupped her cheek. “Tell me. Tell me what you want.”
“I want you,” she whispered. “But I’ll understand if you say no…”
“You want me,” he echoed. “You really want me?”
She nodded. “Yes. All of you. Really. Do you understand, Gabriel?” She took a breath. “Not just your lips or your tongue or your talented hands…I want all of you.”
His eyes widened.
“Inside me.” She added the two words, just to make sure there was no mistaking in her request. “But if you don’t…I mean if it’s not something you’d…”
He put his fingers on her lips. “Hush. Just hush.”
He replaced his fingers with his mouth, kissing her softly and gently, and so lovingly she felt as if she could cry with the simple beauty of it.
This was exactly what she wanted—and needed. Trouble surrounded them, their lives were at risk, and the tensions rose every minute so many of their questions went unanswered.
She needed something that would distract her, and remind her that life could be gentle, kind and wonderful.
Gabriel was the perfect solution.
“Oh yes,” she breathed as he lifted his face from hers. “Ohyes…”
*~~*~~*
Journal of Gwyneth, Dowager Countess, Lady of Wolfbridge - June 1818
I’m not sure where to begin - so much has happened since my last entry.
Evan, the sweetest, most delightful man, has been shot. I never imagined myself writing those words, or re-experiencing the anguish of the moments when he fell against me, his blood flowing from his wound.
It was chaos, of course. We managed to avoid panic, and everyone held together so very well…although I’ll confess to falling apart once the worst of the danger was over. Royce and Gabriel took good care of him and Jeremy and Giles have since made sure that I’m accompanied by one of my gentlemen no matter where I go. They believe that I was the target. Which means Evan took the bullet meant for me.
That knowledge has struck deep in my heart. So deep that it is painful to explore at the moment. I am hiding from it until such time as I feel I can examine it without slipping into a serious megrim.
It is encouraging to see Evan recovering, however. His smile lights up all our lives, and his kisses have burned a special place within me. The thought of losing him - is untenable.
It was a stressful week for all of us; the villagers and tenants have been wonderful, and I learned more about what it is to have a place in others’ thoughts. To hear their affectionate compassion for Evan, to see them visit me and try to cheer me up with a flower or two, or a funny story, or the little girl who brought me her new kitten to play with while her Mama visited Evan…little things that have opened a new door in my mind.
Life can be harsh and tragic. Life can be bitter. But life can also be joyous and it is liberating to understand that I don’t have to be afraid any more. That I can dare to care about those who are coming to mean so much to me. I suppose I am learning to trust. I’m not sure that I ever have fully trusted anyone since Michael. What I learned from that lesson hardened me in many ways. I realise now I built a wall around my inner emotions. Was it a bad thing? Probably not, all things considered. But now, it is crumbling. And the light that the chinks are revealing is wonderful - and frightening at the same time.
Which brings me to last night. And Gabriel.
I felt so distraught at the end of yesterday. Trouble is out there, waiting, watching, wanting whatever it is it - or he - wants. It is a shadow that lingers over Wolfbridge, and I found myself both tired, worried and angry that it should happen just as the sunlight is warming so much of me.
I asked Gabriel to walk me to my room, in full knowledge of what I would ask when he got there with me.
A new boldness seems to have crept into my personality, for I felt no shame at asking him to share my bed. I wasn’t sure how he’d respond, or if he’d refuse me. He knew he could say no…I made sure of that.
But he hushed me and kissed me, a long, sweet meeting of our mouths that melted me and turned my loins upside down with pleasure.
I knew he’d never had a woman. That I would be his first.
Such a thing…well I was nervous, to be honest. Would I have to direct him? In our other interactions, he’s been perfectly aware, so I decided to simply allow him to do whatever he wanted with me.
