Suddenly a raucous shriek echoed through the hall, bringing the scuffle to a momentary standstill.
“Leave heralone, youbrute…”
Harriet recognised Lady Aphrodite’s voice, but not the utter fury behind the order.
“I…what…who thehellare you?” Uncle Selkirk stuttered, but his grip remained firm, even though Harriet wriggled like a demented ferret. “Stand still, stupid girl.” He shook her, rattling her teeth.
“Let her go or pay the price,” threatened Lady Aphrodite.
“Mmmffffmmmfff,” Harriet shouted through the cloth.
“Aaayyyeeeeee….” An unearthly howl shook the rafters. “No, no, this is wrong, you let that woman go, youbloody bounder…”
Oh my God, the Tisdales.Harriet went numb with shock.
“You’re not getting away this time,” hissed Aunt Selkirk, beginning to drag Harriet toward the door.
There was a sudden massive clang, and Harriet found herself freed, as Uncle Selkirk cried out and then fell silent.
She immediately ripped off the cape, dragged in a breath, and looked around to see Lady Aphrodite, urn in hand, standing over the unconscious form of Aunt Selkirk, with an expression of satisfaction on her face.
On the other side, Uncle Selkirk was face down on the floor, with one Tisdale sitting firmly on his back, while the other Tisdale whacked him with a walking stick every time he attempted to move.
The noise was…well, it was unusual to say the least.
It was at this point that the gentlemen appeared, Paul first, dashing down the staircase as if all the devils in Hell were after him.
He tore through the melee to Harriet, seizing her in his arms and lifting her off her feet. “Are you all right? I was sound asleep. I left you unprotected. God, please tell me you’re all right…”
She patted his arms and his shoulders. “I’m fine, Paul. Put me down.”
He did, but didn’t let her go. “You’re quite sure?”
“Thanks to this troop of brave Amazons. They rescued me.” She turned to the ladies. “I’m overwhelmed with gratitude. Lady Aphrodite…Miss Tisdale…Miss Tisdale…thank you so much. I cannot imagine the consequences had you not appeared in such a timely fashion.”
“What, what?” Lord Farren came down the stairs. “I say, bit of a kickup I venture to guess.” He walked to his wife. “You quite well, m’dear?”
She glanced at the urn in her hand and at the unconscious figure of Aunt Selkirk. “I rather think I am, darling. You know, it’s unexpectedly edifying to hear the sound of good solid brass connecting with the skull of an utter villain.” She grinned. “I rather enjoyed it.”
“Did you kill her?” asked one of the Tisdales.
“No she didn’t,” responded Paul.
“Dammit,” swore the other Tisdale.
Since they were in identical white wrappers, Harriet couldn’t tell one from t’other. Which didn’t really matter, since she was equally grateful to both. “I suppose it’s for the best,” she smiled. “A corpse would have sullied the Christmas spirit here in the hall.”
“I’d be quite happy to take him outside and thoroughly box his ears for you, Mrs. Harry.” Sir Farren flexed his arm and made a fist. “I’m a regular attendee at Gentleman Jackson’s Salon, you know. I can set the oaf to rights without a problem, I’m sure.”
Lady Aphrodite gave his arm an admiring pat. “How brave and noble, Farren dear. But I think Mr. Paul will wish to make sure this attack on his wife is fully avenged. We should leave that honor to him.”
“Wife?” A scream of outrage emerged from the bit of Mr. Selkirk’s head that could be seen from underneath whichever Miss Tisdale was sitting on him. She grabbed his hair and smacked his head onto the tile.
“Yes,wife, you stupid cribbage-faced snirp.” She nodded, and her sister brought the cane down on his calf, making him yell and squirm.
Paul finally released Harriet. “Ladies,” he addressed the Tisdales. “I believe you have subdued the man most effectively. So it might be time to allow him to rise and face the consequences of his actions.”
“Hmph.” Frowning, the seated Tisdale rose from Selkirk’s back and shook out the folds of her wrapper. “Now this’ll need a wash. ’Tis dirtied by contact with this wood-louse.”
