“Oh honey, of so, so much.”
Upon hearing her name, the cat raised her head from where she was curled up on one of the kitchen chairs and gave a soft mew. Furious popping sounded from the microwave.
“What if I loved again and he died again?” Mom said. “What if I married again, and you loved him, and he left us? I couldn’t risk your heart.”
“That’s what I said. What if Sam dies?”
Mom reached for Chloe’s hand. “I was wrong. Watching you these last couple of months has taught me that.” The microwave beeped its ending as Chloe’s phone vibrated with an incoming call. She ignored both. “You loved Jean-Marc,” Mom went on. “But you’re open to the possibility of loving again. You have such a big heart. That’s also what makes you a wonderful baker. You put your passion and soul into everything.”
The tears that had threatened earlier erupted. “But what if by loving Sam, I—I…” Chloe drew a steadying breath. “It feels like I’m saying Jean-Marc and our life didn’t mean anything.” She swiped at her cheeks.
Mom’s expression filled with compassion. “Chloe, no one who knows you, or Jean-Marc, would ever think that. His love is a part of you. It was a big part of what molded you into who you are now.”
Chloe gave a little nod and a big sniff.
“You were with Jean-Marc nearly eight years, right? And you’ve known Sam over fifteen years. But let’s be real. You might have had a crush on Sam back then, but the fifteen-year-old Chloe and Sam, do you really think you would have been happy together?”
Chloe’s mind went to that night at the fair when he’d ditched her to make out with Missy and she gave a soft scoff.
“What about the twenty-year-old Chloe and Sam—or the twenty-five-year-old Chloe and Sam? Would they be happy together today?”
Chloe shrugged. “Probably not. Sam was doing great in the league, and I was chasing a career in Paris. He also has issues with his dad that affect his behavior.”
Mom leaned forward. “Just like your marriage to Jean-Marc is part of who you are today, Sam’s past is part of who he is today. You’ve both grown and changed. Perhaps what you’ve been through is what brought you both to this point.”
“What brought me to this point is death and loss. What if I marry Sam and he dies too? I’ll be the Black Widow of Hearts Bend.”
“Sweetheart, here’s the thing. The promise you want isn’t possible. The happily ever after you crave is only found in books and movies and in heaven.”
Chloe’s tears spilled again. She wanted Mom to tell her that everything would be okay, that God had taken her father and her husband and in return, she got a free pass for the rest of her life. That God wouldn’t let go of her hand. But then Mom got cancer and was at risk of dying, as well. People liked to say God wouldn’t send more than a person could bear. If that was true, once He took Daddy, God should’ve given Chloe acne-free teenage years and a decent singing voice. She knew that was just a platitude people spouted that was supposed to be comforting, but, to her, it really felt pointless, untrue, and discouraging.
“So, then what? I marry Sam and he dies. I’m alone again for the rest of my life? What’s the point if after everything, I end up alone? What ifyoudie?”
“Chloe, don’t go down that rabbit hole. We have to believe and trust or our faith is useless.”
“I’m not sure I even have enough faith to be useless.”
“Just know that God loves you, He’s always there for you, and He will help you. He never leaves us. Remember I said I didn’t date or remarry in case that man died or left us? I forgot the other half of the equation, which God reminded me of recently. When I found the lump in my breast, I couldn’t help but feel that God had left me. But, Chloe, He’s still with me.”
“Mom, I want your faith.”
“Faith takes time. It’s a muscle you have to work. You can start by coming to church with me on Sunday. We’ve both lost our earthly fathers, but our God is a good, good Father.”
“I see what you’re doing, Maman.” Chloe opened the microwave, removed the bag of popcorn.
“Will you come? Grab hold of that hand you felt the other day and hold on tight?”
“I’ll be there. And you’re going to get well and start going on dates.”
“You know what,” Mom said. “I like that plan. A lot. Church. Remission. Maybe a boyfriend. How about extra butter on the popcorn?”
“You don’t have to ask me twice.” Chloe pulled a stick of butter from the fridge. “Mom, thanks. For all the talks. For being so calm even through your chemo. For sticking with me even when life turned your world upside down.”
“Don’t you know, Chloe?Youare my world.” Mom walked over and lifted Chloe’s chin. “Let your heart be open to God, to faith, to love. That’s the one thing I regret. I clung too long to the past—to the memory of a dead man.”
Chapter 14
Thursday afternoon, Chloe piped the last perfect petal on the rose decoration to place on top of one of her petit fours. She loved working in her kitchen. Well, Haven’s kitchen, but more and more it was beginning to feel like her own.
