“Then commiserate with me. How am I going to start over? I got nothing.”
For the next hour they texted until she claimed she had to go to sleep or be a zombie at work all day.
“We miss you around here.”
“Thanks for listening, Gemma. I mean it. I miss being there.”
* * *
He fell asleep thinking of her as early morning light peeked around his window shades, his phone cradled against his chest. He’d just started to dream when someone rudely roused him awake.
“John, get up.” Dad snapped on the end table lamp. “We’re going to the hospital.”
Chapter Nineteen
Gemma
Thursday morning The Wedding Shop storeroom was hot and airless. Gemma stepped from the long, narrow room into the circulating air of the mezzanine. The shipment from Elnora Brides nearly did her in—from wedding gowns to fascinators—but the shop was replenished with the latest in bridal fashion.
Since John’s late-night texts last Friday night, their exchange lingered in her thoughts. She missed him. Felt for him over the mess with Holland. But why did he tell her? Why not talk to his friends and family?
She loved being chosen to hear his story. The whole thing continued the odd connection between them. But where could it lead? Nowhere.
Gemma brushed a bit of perspiration from her brow and paused by one of the gowns she’d just hung on the rack. Despite being wrapped in plastic, the milk-white gown was beautiful. It called to her.Try me on.
She resented the desire to dress in white and walk down a church aisle. Frankly, she blamed Taylor. She had no desire to marry until Taylor dressed her in a dozen wedding gowns, took a thousand pictures then sent them to her.
“The magazine loved them. They loved you too. I got props for choosing a great model. I owe you one.”
You bet you do.Last night when Gemma opened the first set and saw herself as a bride, she welled up. Next came the pictures with John and she practically melted in her chair. She was wanting what she could not have.
Sure, despite all the internal pep talks about how her past didn’t define her, shame still owned her. The more time passed, the more shame stretched out its long legs and possessed more not less. The emotion grew fat and happy, fed off her memories and mistakes. Time, the losing beast, was no friend. Didn’t heal anything.
While she knew she’d never sink as low as she did in Vegas—oh, please no—she knew she’d have to confess her limps to some future husband. If she ever fell in love at all. Maybe she’d be fifty or sixty with arthritis and could blame her limp on old age.
Because if she ever told her man the truth, her shame would become his. He’d never see her the same. He’d never respect her.
“You didwhatfor money and fame?”
Exactly what John said about Holland. Why did she facilitate corruption when her family already had money, power, and position? She misrepresented herself to John and now he was reeling from it. Any man who loved Gemma would face the same dilemma. Love her as he knew her before her story? Love her after?
If she didn’t tell and he found out, his trust would be destroyed. Well, that’s how she saw it anyway. Because she didn’t trust herself.
Even worse than her time in Vegas? Her ability to make good decisions. She was batting zero here.
Matt Biglow? Rotten. The reality show? Abysmal. The farm? Swindled. A half dozen roommates she’d barely survived? Well, for that she was grateful.
Her mission in life was to find a new place for herself and Imani and great homes for the herd. Anything above and beyond was gravy.
At night she searched for rental property where she could transport the whole herd, but they were too expensive or too far away. One property looked promising, but the house was practically falling down and there was no barn.
So she gave in last night and told Daddy they were moving in. Yesterday he sent pictures of Mama’s yoga/junk room being reclaimed as a bedroom.
“You’ll be moved in and making dinner one night before Mama realizes it’s gone. What’s Imani’s favorite color? I’m going to paint her room.”
“Rock Mill High colors. Thanks, Daddy.”
None of his get rich quick schemes ever panned out, but Daddy was the richest man she knew.
