“Are we still talking about menus?”
“Aren’t we?” He knew he was baiting her as a way to deal with the jealousy he felt when Thomas texted.
“I feel like you’re talking about Coral or Robbi.”
He turned for the hill leading to the castle gate. “We’re talking about a menu. Do you really think John or Holland would appreciate hamburgers and chips? That’s what I’d choose.”
“For a royal ball? Seriously? Gus, why are you being so weird?”
Weird. Because he felt things he didn’t want to feel. “Though I could have an American buffet table. Coral and her husband will be there.”
“What? Coral’s coming?”
“Yes, she’s a friend of Holland’s. So is Robbi.”
“Are you, I mean, how does—”
“Does it matter how I feel? Or what I want?” Gus dropped the fake accent and pressed the gate’s security code. “This ball is not about me. It’s about my brother and his bride.”
“Tell me you’re not going alone.” She hurried ahead of him, walking backward up toward the stand of trees. “You must enter the ballroom with a stunning, amazing woman on your arm.”
“More stunning and amazing than the two that got away?”
“They don’t own the corner on amazing. There are plenty of women who shine as bright as they. Even more, because those women wouldn’t have broken your heart.”
Gus laughed. “Is that a true qualification, Daffy Caron?” He secured the gate behind them and started toward the trees. “But if I show up at this ball with a stunning, amazing woman, the press will go bonkers. She’ll be in the news, hounded and scrutinized, having to defend herself. I’ll repeatedly say, ‘We’re only friends,’ which no one will believe. In the end, this amazing woman will feel slightly rejected, which isn’t fair. Quite frankly, I’m not up for the drama. Watch out for the limbs and roots.”
Well, he’d made a speech and was glad. He meant every word. It was a bit of a relief to summarize his love life with such passionate clarity. Why he was an affirmed bachelor for the time being. He’d preached to his own soul—which was needed.
“You have to move on sometime.” Daffy stepped in front of him when they’d cleared the trees.
“Not by the wedding ball. I’ll be fine. Dance the opening waltz with my aunt or granny then duck in the Blue Room for billiards with the boys.”
“Now you’re just being stubborn. Hiding won’t be fair to John and Lady Holland. Besides, you need to speak to Coral. Ask her why she ran away. I mean, you said you didn’t know.”
“I was planning to avoid her.”
“But she left for a reason. How can you—”
“Avoid a conversation of how worthless I am? Easy. How I didn’t make her happy? How I failed in some dramatic fashion? Enough for her to justify driving away from the abbey instead of toward it? How my humiliation was worth her…her, what? Freedom?”
“And what if she says something completely different? Something that gives you understanding. What if her reason has nothing to do with you?”
“Impossible. It had everything to do with me. If not, why did she not share her fears with me? Let me help? Be the husband I wanted to be? No, she found some fatal flaw, and if it’s all the same to you, Daffy, and the rest of the world, including my family, I’d like to keep some of the dignity and self-worth I regained the past two years. I’ll not have it trampled again so soon.” He moved past her for the hidden, ivy covered door. “I’m going in. It’s cold.”
“What if it wasn’t you? What if it was all about her?” Daffy was a stubborn lass, no?
He swung around. “The old ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ speech?”
“There’s truth in that speech, cliché or not.” Daffy fell in step with him, their feet splashing through muddy snow pockets. The groundskeepers would lay new sod before the ball, hoping to dry up the ground for guests to take long walks or play a game of bocce. “What if she realized she wasn’t ready? Not worthy? Or that she’d be a foreigner in the royal family, living away from home. That must be daunting.”
“Then she should’ve said so. And wasn’t her readiness, worthiness, as you say, for me to decide? Not her? She left because I wasn’t worthy, and if you don’t mind, I’d like to end this conversation.”
“What if I ask her?” Daffy’s suggestion arrested him.
“Ask her what? Why she left? No, Daffy, leave it.” His eyes watered with a sudden dash of emotions and he was glad for the dark stairwell.
“She toldGood Morning New York. Why not your friend?” Daffy lit the torchlight on her phone, shining it on their feet.
