She wanted to cancel her appointments, but calling in sick was not a luxury for a queen. Not unless she was truly, actually ill. Poor sleep and bad dreams did not qualify.
She snapped at her secretary twice before nine and had to apologize. After a lunch meeting with the Prime Minister, she spent the afternoon reviewing the case of the child left in a hot motor, followed by a review of the Finance Minister’s lengthy, laborious economic report. He was new to the post and seemed to think if one word would suffice, why not use ten?
She’d been reading ministry reports for twenty-five years, and this was the first time she wanted to toss her computer through the window.
That would make for a nice headline, wouldn’t it?
Queen causes damage to palace window and computer amounting to several thousand pounds.
But she mustn’t complain. She was so blessed, healthy with a living parent, a sister who’d become a friend, an adoring husband, and two stellar, handsome sons. One was about to marry the exceptional Lady Holland and the other, her broken, wounded baby boy, Gus, had returned home calmer, more resolved, more healed than when he’d left.
She’d contemplated ringing him while he was away and telling him her story. The one of her own hard-earned lesson in love. How she’d endured, overcome, and risen above. How the painful lessons of the past had made her a better wife, mother, and queen. Above all, how she’d forgiven herself.
But she was not free to speak. And some lessons had to be learned for oneself. Besides, if she confessed her story, which to this day Edric, her beloved King Consort, did not know in detail, she might suddenly appear less in her husband and sons’ eyes, andthatshe could not bear.
With a glance at her watch, she closed her laptop and made her way to apartment 1A where she’d lived since her father’s passing twenty-five years ago.
She wasn’t hungry after all that dull reading, but the palace’s Chef George always prepared a delicious dinner. The aroma might awaken her appetite.
“Dinner is served, Your Majesty.” Pablo, Perrigwynn’s butler, greeted her in the dining room holding out her chair. He’d replaced her long-time butler, Greenly, three years ago, and she and Edric were still getting used to him. Handsome, kind, even-keeled, exceptional at his post, she could find no fault. Perhaps there was the rub. Ole Greenly had a bit of mischief about him. Pablo was so perfectly perfect. As if he could go rogue at any moment and belt out a show tune in the middle of a state dinner.
“I’ll wait for His Royal Highness.” She nodded as she passed the table. “Let me put my computer away.”
Down the hallway to her bedroom, she set the laptop on her desk and settled into the worn reading chair, turning on the table lamp. The winter days were growing a bit longer as spring approached, and the golden hue of sunset still rested on the horizon beyond her window.
With a glance toward her dressing room, Catherine stepped inside. She’d rearranged it a dozen times over the years, updated it once, but through it all, she still carried the memory of Daffy staring up at her, wearing the blue gown. How she regretted her response. So harsh. She’d never made it right. Never. She was too afraid.
In the moment, she’d seemed so exposed. As if the girl had discovered all the secrets hidden in that dress.
But Daffy didn’t know. She’d been playing with the boys. And how many times had Catherine invited her into her room to try on a scarf or a splash of perfume?
She also didn’t know that five minutes before Catherine walked in the dressing room she’d been on a call that brought upthosememories.
Catherine caught her reflection in the mirror. She looked matronly, wise and queenly, with her trim suit and neat, coiffed hair, colored a dark brown.
Her eye flitted to her dresses. She half expected a brilliant blue sheen to leap out at her, but the gown was gone. She’d disposed of it years ago, never been seen again.
So what brought all this on? Why think about it now? Catherine closed her eyes and pressed her fingertips to her bowed forehead. She wished the drift down memory lane was due to the minister’s wordy report, but it was the dream. Well, she’d get over this like she did in years past. But if time healed all wounds, it was taking its sweet time with her.
On top of it all, she still tangled with postmenopausal symptoms. Combined with John’s wedding and Gus’s return, her feminine sensibilities drove in their own lane.
“Kate, are you here?” Edric’s voice called from their bedroom. “Shall we eat? Pablo looks on edge. I think he’s counting the seconds the food is warming in the tureens. I’m starved. How was your day?”
“Both awful and boring.”
“The child case?” He joined her at her dressing room door. “What are we doing? Staring at your shoes?”
She smiled and patted his chest. “Just thinking.”
“About?”
“Nothing really.”
He bent to see her face. “Doesn’t look like nothing.”
She squeezed his arm. “I’m glad Gus is home, aren’t you?”
“Very much. I was worried since he’d stayed away too long. Sending him to Hadsby was a good move.”
