“But no human heart should ever have to hear ‘I don’t love you.’”
“I regret my words, trust me. But if I didn’t tell her—”
“Haden’s confession popped my own idyllic bubble.”
“Why was it so important to you? To be married? Besides the incredible ideas you have about the institution.” He still mused over her confession that night on the deck of the Santa Monica house.
“I can’t really explain it.” Her tears spilled freely. “I’ve wanted it ever since I could remember. I think I was born with the longing.”
“I don’t know about marriage but... I’ve never confessed this to anyone... I knew from a young age there was someone special for me. Sometimes I imagined I could see her.” His gaze lingered on Chloe’s face, and when his heart thumped, he looked away.
“I’ve dated four men, thinking each was ‘the one.’ Surely they would love me because I loved them. But all I got in return was dismissed and crushed.”
“I was too much of a geek to date before Loxley.”
“Geek or not, Jesse, have you looked in the mirror?”
He grinned. “I’ve changed since coming to Hollywood.”
“You got a new face? Hair implants?”
“No, but... Let’s just say a stylist can do wonders.”
“But Loxley saw beyond the awkward, poorly styled man?”
“More like awkward, poorly styled boy, but yes.” He shook his head, remembering those early days. “She was the opposite of me. Outgoing, with a wit that could flay a man in one word. When she set her sights on me... I surrendered.”
“I cried myself to sleep that night. After Haden. I hid in my apartment for the weekend. My friend Stella—well, you know Stella—called nonstop. Came by, knocked on the door. I never answered. My sister finally came over Sunday evening. When I saw her face, I knew something horrible had happened. ‘You’re all over the Internet, Chloe.’ I couldn’t believe it.” She drew her legs to her chest and curled her toes into the sofa cushion. “I’d just auditioned for Twist and an amazing role in an ensemble film. Two days later my agent called. Both producers passed. I knew, I knew... it was the fifty videos of me battering Haden and cursing like a wicked witch.”
“Our section of the beach was private, owned by a small, beach neighborhood. We had the place to ourselves. Night came. Still no Loxley. I was worried. Wallowing in guilt. So we went looking for her. Dan and I, our friends Hugh and David, Melanie, who was Loxley’s best friend, and Gena, David’s girlfriend. Couldn’t find her. I sat up all night, kept the fire going, walked up and down the beach every twenty minutes or so. Melanie assured me she was fine, just ticked and making sure I paid. She didn’t answer her phone...”
“Dad tried to run interference for me,” Chloe said. “But in today’s world, if a producer thinks you’re going to be trouble, they cut you a wide berth.”
“Lifeguards found Loxley on the beach the next morning. About a half mile from the house. Drowned. Near as they could figure, she got caught in a riptide.”
“Oh, Jesse.” Chloe sat up, pressing her hand on his arm. “You’re kidding. She... died? I’m so sorry.”
“Worst feeling in the world is to call a girl’s parents and tell them their youngest kid isn’t coming home. All their hopes and dreams, their future regarding her, gone. Her talent and ability, her light, all doused.” His gaze lingered on the Christmas tree. “There was an investigation, of course, and afterward I tried to hang around Boston for a year, but... I had to get away. Escape. I moved out here the next summer.”
“Dad spent thousands of dollars trying to rid the Internet of those videos. But as you know, it’s impossible. I saw five seconds of one and...” She pressed her hand to her middle. “I couldn’t believe it was me. Every six months or so, the stupid things resurface. I make some kind of best-of or worst-of list. Then it gets shared on Facebook, thus the world, all over again.”
“Her parents started the Loxley Brant scholarship foundation. When I soldBound by Love, I sent them ten thousand dollars.”
“Jesse, that’s wonderful. See, you’re moving on. Being forgiven. Forgiving yourself.”
“They sent it back.”
“Oh.”
“It’s okay. I understand. You know, renting the house in Santa Monica was my attempt to move on, put the past behind me. First time I’d been to the ocean in eight years.”
“But look, you ended up here.” She swung her hand toward the breadth of the lanai.
His gaze blended with hers. “Look, I ended up here.”
“We’re a pair, aren’t we?”
“Quite.”
