"Please. You're not nearly cool enough to be Spike or Bill. If anything, you're more like the lovechild of Damon Salvatore and a rabid chihuahua—all bark, no bite, and annoying as hell."
I gasp, clutching my chest like I've just been shot. "Ouch, baby! You really know how to hurt a guy. But let's be real here—Damon and Elena? Total endgame material. You sure you want to open that can of worms?"
I lean in closer, waggling my eyebrows suggestively. "Because I seem to recall a certain steamy little moment between us. Care to refresh my memory, or should I start writing my own version of Fifty Shades of Bloodsucking?"
Oh man, the way she kissed me back? Her tongue danced in my mouth while her fingers clutched me like I was the last taco on Earth! I swear, I was harder than a superhero’s resolve. Just thinking about those soft lips and her mouth? Yeah, it’s definitely giving me a little chub!
The look on her face is priceless. I can't tell if she's about to shit a brick or if she's just really, really constipated."You okay there, Dani-girl?" I ask, fighting back a grin.
She glares at me, her cheeks flushing a delightful shade of red. "Shut up, Lucian. I'm fine. Just... thinking."
"Thinking? Is that what we're calling it now?" I smirk. "Because from where I'm standing, it looks more like you're about to pop a vein trying to squeeze out a stubborn turd."
She punches me in the arm hard enough to make me wince. "You're disgusting, you know that? Why do I even put up with you?"
I grin, rubbing my arm where she hit me. "Because I'm charming, witty, and devastatingly handsome? Oh, and let's not forget my sparkling personality."
"More like annoying, immature, and a giant pain in my ass. Seriously, Lucian, do you ever take anything seriously?"
I wink. "Care to shed some light on that little blood bombshell? Because I'm pretty pissed off, I don't remember sipping from a neck as delectable as yours."
Dani sighs, clearly annoyed. "It's a long story; frankly, I don't have the time orcrayonsto explain it to you right now. Let's just say that we've got a bit of a... complicated history. One that involves some blood-sharing and your brain becoming Swiss cheese."
"It obviously didn't work," Emily says to my side, sighing out of frustration.
I turn to her, a grin spreading across my face. "Oh, so you guys already gave my noggin a good old-fashioned shake-and-bake, huh?"
Emily scoffs. "No shit, Sherlock. While you were busy catching some z's, we tried to jumpstart your old fart memory. But apparently, even magic has limits when it comes to fixing stupid."
"Ooh, sick burn, Sabrina," I quip. "But seriously, what's the deal? I thought you witches were all-powerful and whatnot—and you…the savior of the multiverse."
Dani lets out a huff of exhaustion. "We tried to heal you, but this damn stone has a mind of its own and apparently has a prejudice against your kind."
My eyes take in Dani's fancy headgear, and BAM! It's like a mental laxative—all that magical mumbo-jumbo Sable and Emily were spewing about the crown's bling comes flooding back faster than Taco Tuesday's revenge.
"Hold up, hold up," I say, pointing at the bedazzled headpiece. "Isn't that the tiara with all the infinity stones or some shit? The one that's supposed to give you superpowers and make you the ultimate magical girl?"
Dani groans, clearly not impressed by my references. "They're notinfinity stones, you dumbass. They're ancient elemental gems that grant the wearer control over different aspects of reality."
I raise an eyebrow, intrigued. "Oh, so you're saying I'm too much of a bad boy even for ancient magical artifacts? I'm flattered."
"More like too much of a pain in the ass. The stone probably took one look at your twisted excuse for a brain and decided it wanted no part of it."
"Ouch, babe. You really know how to make a guy feel special," I say, placing a hand over my heart. "But hey, I'm not one to hold a grudge, especially not against a rock. I mean, who am I to judge? I've been stoned plenty of times myself. At least, I think."
Emily groans, rubbing her temples. "For fuck's sake, Lucian. Can you take anything seriously for once in your undead life?"
I shrug. "Life's too short to be serious all the time. Oh wait, I guess that doesn't really apply to me anymore, does it? Perks of being a creature of the night and all that jazz."
Dani sighs, shaking her head like an exasperated teacher dealing with an overenthusiastic but clueless student. "Look, the point is, we tried to help you, but it didn't work. So, we'll have to find another way to get your memories back. But wedon't have time to sit here and use you as a science experiment. I need to get back to Rhyland—to Aquaria."
My ears practically do a backflip at that.Aquaria?Oh yeah, that's like the magical water Disneyland that Emily and Sable yammered on about during their 'saving the world' TED Talk. "Wait a sec," I say, finally clocking her outfit, "is that why you're dressed like a sexy pirate wench?" I bite my lip, trying and failing to keep the shit-eating grin off my face. "Because if so, my entire collection of inappropriate spank bank material just upgraded to 'sexy pirate wench' edition."
Emily and Sable both scoff at my lewd comment.
"Unfuckingbelievable," Dani snaps. "The world is on the brink of collapsing, and your mind is firmly planted in the gutter? Just when I thought you couldn't get any worse. I much prefer the version of you with memories—at leastthatLucian had some self-control."
She gestures to her outfit, exasperation dripping from every word. "This getup isn't for your personalspank bank, okay? It's to blend in with the crowd in Aquaria. You know, the realm I need to return to to preventtheactual apocalypse? But sure, let's ogle and make inappropriate comments instead. That helps."
