Oh, and let's not forget about the whole Karma situation. I've had to take a step back from that particular shitshow while we sort out this colossal goat rodeo. My main man and partner-in-crime, Andrew, is holding down the fort for me. He's like the Alfred to my Batman, minus the British accent and the killer butler skills. He's keeping the booze flowing and the party going while I'm off playing hero.
Plus, let's be real: I'm not quite ready to introduce Seraphina to the debauchery and mayhem of Karma. I don't want to scare off my innocent little angel cake with the sight of drunken frat boys doing body shots off of each other. I mean, can you imagine her sweet, angelic face amidst all the debauchery and questionable life choices? It'd be like throwing a baby bunny into a pack of hungry wolves. Not gonna happen, my friends. Not on my watch.
No, I'll ease her into that world slowly, like a gentleman. A gentleman who owns a nightclub full of sin and questionable decisions, but a gentleman nonetheless.
Meanwhile, the Witchy Twins have set off on their own little adventure, probably to go braid each other's hair and talk about their feelings. Just kidding, they'reactually off to rally the covens because now that Rainbow Brite has leveled up to become the most badass witch in history, she's ready to start her own little coven. Talk about a power move.
Erik, the brooding bastard, has fucked off to reconnect with an old furry friend. And no, I don't mean he's into that kinky shit. He will see if he can get some of the wolf packs on board with our little save-the-world shindig.
Once we all settled, I handed the goods to Dani and Rhyland—the tomes Seraphina and I heisted from the Atlantean Ruins. Man, you should've seen their faces: part shock, part glee, like kids who just found out their Halloween candy stash is twice as big as they thought.
Dani practically did a happy dance when she saw the Book of Shadows as she'd just hit the supernatural jackpot. But their curiosity was piqued even more when they saw the other book we grabbed—the Book of Asgard and the Norse Gods.
Rhyland gave it the side-eye, looking like he'd just found a turd in his cereal. "Why the hell was this book down in the Ruins?" he wondered out loud, clearly weirded out by its unexpected location. It's not every day you find ancient Norse mythology chilling in an underwater tomb, after all. But hey, who am I to question the crazy shit that pops up on our adventures?
As for the lovebirds, Dani and Rhyland? They've been playing mad scientist, trying to cook up some potion to mask Dani and Seraphina's scent. Because having a delicious-smelling mate is like wearing a fucking neon sign that says "Bite Me" to every fang-having motherfucker out there.
Dani's been going stir-crazy, cooped up in the house, and working non-stop on this little science project. But hallelujah, praise the lord and pass the ammunition because they finally cracked the code! The only downside? I can't smell my sweet little cinnamon roll when she drinks it, which is a real boner killer. It lasts about four hours for each dose—If we ever got separated, I'd be shit out of luck trying to sniff her out. Sure, we've got our little cosmic connection, but it's the principle of the thing. I need all systems go when it comes to my angel cake.
Speaking of my insatiable little angel, Seraphina. Holy fucking shit, this girl is curious with a capital "C," and it's got my pants tighter than a nun's asshole. She's always asking me these naughty little questions, wanting to try out all sorts of kinky shit. So, being the fucking genius that I am, I set her up with her very own computerand introduced her to the beautiful world of PornHub. You know, for educational purposes.
I just showed her how to type in the search bar and let her go to town. Watching her face as she discovers the joys of internet porn? Priceless. I'm talking wide eyes, flushed cheeks, and a jaw that's about to hit the floor. It's like watching a kid in a candy store if the candy store was full of dicks and pussy.
Class is in session, and I'm about to give my angel a crash course in carnal knowledge that'll make the Kama Sutra look like a fucking children's book.
I'm just chilling in our room, sipping on some bourbon and minding my own damn business, when Seraphina drops a bombshell that nearly makes me spit out my drink.
"What's pegging?" she asks, all wide-eyed and innocent.
It's like a record-scratch moment. I jump up faster than a cat on a hot tin roof to see what the hell she's looking at, and lo and behold, there it is: 'pegging' in all its glory, right at the top of most searched PornHub history.
I can't help but laugh my ass off. "Baby girl, my new safeword is Meatloaf—I would do anything for love, but I won't do that."
Seraphina tilts her head, her brow furrowing in that adorable way that makes me want to eat her up. "Safeword?" she asks, her voice all sweet and curious.
Man alive, how did I get so fucking lucky with this adorable, innocent little cinnamon roll?
"Yeah, Cupcake," I explain, trying not to grin like a fucking idiot. "It's a word you pick when you want to stop during sex or sexy times." I waggle my eyebrows suggestively.
She bites her lip, looking at me through those long, luscious lashes. "I would never want you to stop," she says sweetly, her voice all soft and full of promise.
Fuuuuck, this girl is going to be my death. I groan, feeling my dick spring to attention like a soldier at reveille. If only she knew the kind of depraved, twisted shit I'm into... But I'm trying to be a gentleman here, taking things slow for my precious little angel cake.
Don't get me wrong, I'd love nothing more than to corrupt her six ways to Sunday, but I've got to ease her into it, you know? Can't just dive into the deep end of the perv pool without some floaties and a safety lesson first.
But damn, the way she looks at me, all innocent and trusting... It's enough to make a man want to fall to his knees and worship at her feet. And trust me, I plan to do plenty of worshipping.
Before I can even process what's happening, Seraphina clicks play on the video, and holy shit, it's like watching a train wreck in slow motion. There's this chick with a dildo the size of a fucking baseball bat, just going to town on some dude's ass like she's trying to strike oil. And the guy? He's moaning and groaning like he's having the time of his goddamn life.
Seraphina's eyes are as wide as saucers, and her cheeks are flushed a delicious shade of pink. But that's not what hits me like a ton of bricks—it's her arousal, slamming into me like a fucking freight train. I can't take my eyes off her as she watches this chick absolutely destroy this guy's backdoor.
"Can we…Would you like to try that, Sparky?" she asks, her voice all breathy and full of wonder. "He looks like he enjoys it..."
Jesus, tap-dancing Christ, I think my brain just went offline.
Okay, so here's the thing: back in my wild and crazy vampire youth, I had my fair share of experimentation with the same sex. But I was always more of a pitcher than a catcher. Sure, I tried bottoming a few times, and let me tell you, that prostate orgasm is like a whole new level of fucking nirvana. But it's been centuries since I've even considered taking a trip down that particular memory lane.
But for Seraphina? Shit, I'd let her do just about anything to me, including turning my ass into her own personal playground.
