She almost put her hand down my pants… and damnit I almost let her. When she flopped it onto my bare chest and started playing with my hair, I thought I was gonna lose it. My dick was hard as a fuckin’ rock. If I’d let her keep going, it would’ve been the edge of no return. She might've had regrets. Even if I didn’t. As soon as we got in the truck, the rain started pouring. She’s been quiet the whole way so far and I’ve just let the radio play. The girls called me and we talked for a little while. Brian called with an update too, everything’s fine there. But it’s been hours and I want to talk to Dixie. So I ask a question I know will make her uncomfortable enough to answer. “Do you touch every man you work for like that?”
“What?!” She screeches out the word and chokes on her spit. I don’t feel bad because playing with her is my favorite thing to do.
“Joking, blondie, I’m just joking.” I wink at her as she tries to recover from her reaction.
“Listen, boss. I’ve never touched a man that way. Iwas half asleep and probably possessed by witchcraft, I don’t know what came over me.”
“Nah, you just couldn’t help yourself.” I tease again because it’s me, I’m the one who can’t help it. It’s been so long since I’ve been away from work or the girls…I’m running free and unhinged.“Do you wish I would’ve let it happen? Maybe kissed you while I was on top of you in that bed?” I punctuate the last question with a slight growl and realize I might’ve just taken this too far.
She scoffs. “You would’ve found an inexperienced, fucked up mess if you wouldn’t have stopped me when you did because these are virgin lips.” Her expression is hard and blank. Fully convinced of every word she’s saying. “They ruined me for all other men. They stole what I wasn’t ready to give and I’ve never gotten it back.”
Hold the fucking phone—did she just say,they?“What?” I growl. A real one this time, deep and primal. “As in, more than one person?” Her glare is harder when she looks at me and says,
“Yeah. Three.” And what she tells me next, I’ll never be able to stomach. “I beat ‘em in a roping event the summer after I turned eighteen.” She takes a deep breath while I brace myself for whatever comes next. “That night they got into my room, still don’t know how? But no one heard ‘em. It was at the opposite end of the giant house we lived in. Two of ‘em dragged me out of bed, the other grabbed my hat off my bed post. I tried to fight back, but they had something over my mouth and I just wasn’t strong enough to break free. When they got me outside, they pinned me down out back, and the one wearin’ my hat did the dirty work. The others made sureI couldn’t kick or scream.” I’m seething next to her. “When he finished, he took my hat off his head, threw it on the ground, and stomped on it. I’ll never forget what he said…” Her eyes grow distant while she remembers. “Shows you what a real cowboy can do. Next time, pick a girl sport in the arena.”
The voice inside my head tells me I need to kill someone. I’m gripping the steering wheel so tight, I could break it off if I turned too fast. “You’ve told no one this before?” I grind out through gritted teeth, my jaw locked in place.
“No. But I was already telling you little by little, and ya know what? It feels good. It’s not my dirty little secret anymore.” She stops to think for a minute before she shares more. "I got pregnant. It was scary at first, but then I thought, maybe it was a good thing. I got comfy with the idea of being a mom. I hadn't figured out how I was gonna do it, but I knew I’d find a way. Then I lost her. It was the most painful experience of my life. Even more than what they did to me. I was only about three months along. She’s buried next to my mama.” My teeth grit so hard I could break a tooth. “The maid who lived with us heard me that night and came to help. She meant well, but told my dad. He accused me of being a whore and all kinds of things, he made threats too. That’s when I left and I’ve never been back.” She lets out a chestful of air after what feels like the most intense trauma dump I’ve ever witnessed. And I’ve slaughtered people. “But now you know everything, and you can try to dissect the reasons I am the way that I am. I don’t care.”
I tilt my head, looking at the roof above me, then backdown to the road in front of me. Whatever I say next is critical.“I don’t need to do that.” I shift my gaze and run it from the top of her cowboy hat, down to her eyes. “You’re not a science project, Dixie. You’re human. And everything we go through as humans will shape us and then strengthen us…” I pause for a moment to allow what I’m telling her to sink in. “I might not know everything about you, but I know enough. Broken isn’t part of your DNA, even if sometimes you feel that way. It’s simply the nature of having a soul, and a damn beautiful one too.” Her eyes have tears in them, but she’s refusing to blink—at least until she turns and looks out the window so I can’t see them fall. “Thanks, boss.” I hear her whisper away from me. The rage I still feel inside over what I just learned, is a forest fire, ready to engulf everything in its path. If I ever run into the sick motherfucker who did this to her, hell is gonna pour down.
She eventually starts making small talk, we stop for breakfast, then lunch, and roll into Dill Creek just as the sun is setting. She got a phone call from her father’s lawyer sometime this afternoon and he told her he’d be waiting at the estate when we arrived. We’ve been sitting in the truck for about ten minutes just staring at the place.
“It’s gigantic isn’t it?” Dixie laughs, and I can feel the disgust dripping off her statement. “I still wonder why we weren’t enough for him?"
I reach over the center console and wrap my hand around hers. She looks down at our hands together and squeezes mine back when she says, “Let’s go.”
Before I have time to get out and open the door forher, she’s already outside the truck, ready to go. She’s moving fast, even with the boot on. When she rips it off before she’s technically supposed to, I won’t bat an eye. We walk over the green lawn and up the set of porch steps. The door slightly cracked open, we walk right inside. A kind, but very business-looking man is standing in the middle of the sitting room wearing a suit and tie. He greets us, stretching out his hand to Dixie first. “You must be his daughter, I’m Alexander Williams. Very nice to meet you. And you are?” The man turns to shake my hand and I accept it.
“Chris Cole. I’m Dixie's boss up in Montana. She had an accident, and I offered to drive.”
“Oh no, I’m sorry to hear that. I hope the trip wasn’t too much?” He looks down at Dixie’s boot.
“The ride was just fine.” She gives him that gorgeous smile of hers and I curse every man who ever tried to take it away. Alexander motions for us all to sit, we do, then he opens his leather briefcase. He pulls out a thick folder of paperwork, retrieves the top few sheets, then hands them to Dixie.
“These are the spark notes, if you will. Your father had no other children or close relatives to speak of. He left you his estate in full, along with any funds in his bank account. His funeral was paid for years ago. It will happen tomorrow if you’d like to attend. I’ll leave the information. Though, I know you weren’t close. I will need some signatures from you on these documents…” He pulls out some more paperwork and points to the places he needs her to sign. “Initial here, sign here, initial here and here…” He continues on. Dixie holds the pen that he handed her in this ridiculous process and places the ink everywhere he instructs her to. “There is a security code you must give the bank when you go to retrieve the funds he left, it’s on the bottom of the last page. Only you have the code. Does all of this make sense, Miss Wilder?”
Dixie signs her name one last time and places the pen down on the stack of papers. “Yes, it does. Thank you.” She pauses a moment before she asks one last question. “How did he die? Seems like he had everything squared away. Did he know?”
The man sits straighter and clears his throat. “He knew. There was a condition, for the last five years, with his heart. He knew it could give out anytime. So he made sure his affairs were in order.” Alexander smiles, then hands Dixie a set of keys. “The entire estate is yours to do with as you please. The home is professionally cleaned and completely paid off. You own it, free and clear, enjoy it for as long as you’re here. If you need anything, you have my number.” And with that, he stands, shakes our hands one more time, and leaves through the open front door.
I look at Dixie, she’s watching him from the window as he drives away. “We don’t have to stay here if it's too much. We can get a hotel.”
“No.” She sighs and looks back at me. “It’s about time I face my demons. This house is where I grew up. I had good times with my mama here. But first I want to go see her… and Sarah.”
I take a moment to realize who Sarah is, but when Ido, I offer Dixie my hand and she takes it, except this time she doesn’t let go—and I never want her to.
As we approach the hill, I can see it’s covered in dandelions. Some bright yellow in bloom, others still with their fluffy seed heads. It’s beautiful. But maybe that’s only becausesheis standing among them. There’s a cross marking her mother’s grave, with her name, the day she was born, and the day she passed. But there’s no such thing for Dixie's baby, just a medium-sized rock.
She spies me looking at it. “I didn’t want anyone to know this is where I put her. But…” she smiles and looks excited. “I found this one day when I was little. I dug it out of the ground and flipped it over—wanna see?” She crouches down and turns the rock over. It’s a geode. It’s the most vibrant magenta I’ve ever seen.
“That’s incredible…” I crouch down next to her as she hands the stunning piece of nature's art to me. My fingertips brush along the crystals inside and I can’t help but be in awe over it.
“I know she really can’t, but I imagine her being able to look up and see somethin’ pretty. It brings me peace.”
I give the beautiful stone back to her. As she places it on the ground where it belongs, I bring the backs of my fingers to her cheek, brushing down her jawline to rest under her lightly quivering chin. I look deep into her mossy green eyes. “You’re an incredible mother, Dixie.” The side of her mouth tilts up, and she tries to smile. She reaches her hand out and touches the grass covering her mothers resting place. She whispers her love, gives her a small rundown of what she’s been up to since she last came to see her—then wishes her a goodbye with a kiss toher fingertips before touching her mom’s name on the stone cross.
We get our things and take them inside. I don’t know how long we’ll be here, but I assume she wants to go to the funeral tomorrow, for closure’s sake. She’ll need to go to the bank and settle things there, but as far as any other loose ends, I’m not sure. She may want to stay a few more days for other reasons, and I’m okay with that.
