“I don’t know!” It was almost a shout, and she immediately wished she’d spoken softer. “I’m sorry. I mean, I’m not sure.” Her voice cracked with the emotion she’d been hiding under a hard exterior.
“I’ll forgive you for shouting at me because you’re not a kid anymore. You’re a grown ass woman who used to be vibrant and full of life. These last ten days, all I’ve seen is a victim—you feeling sorry for yourself.”
She felt his hands on her shoulders and looked up into her uncle’s bearded face.
“I know what you went through was tough. I’m sorry you got engaged to an asshole and he ripped your heart out and stomped on it. But a few miles down the road is one of the best men to ever walk on God’s green earth, and he’s begging you to let him put it all back together. Are you really going to saynoto that?”
She was sick and tired of being the fool.
She was Max’s, and now, apparently, everyone else could see right through her, too. Though she'd realized very quickly, as she drove away that day, that she made a mistake. Her tummy had been in knots ever since she walked out his door. Justin’s words kept playing on repeat, over and over in her mind.
She should’ve taken his confession of love and given it right back. She should’ve thrown her arms around him and stayed. Max was all talk, with no action to back up anything he said. Justinshowedher how much he loved her with everything he did. It was nothing like the fancy bullshit she was used to—Max throwing money at her, buying her everything she didn’t want or need. Justin’s actions were genuine, and even if she didn’t trust herself yet, there was one thing she did trust, and it was the love he’d shown her—every day since he knocked her on her ass in that chicken coop.
“You have to forgive yourself, Lythie. I promise, there is no mathematical equation that will solve this problem for you. You won’t dig up the reason why you did what you did—and why you can’t seem to reconcile it all. It's not there. It won’t happen. The key that unlocks this for you is forgiveness. It’s the only thingthat will cover any of it. It’s what will erase the pain and erase the mistakes.”
She stared hard at her uncle, trying to gather the courage she’d need to do any forgiving… If it was even possible.
“How do I do it, then?”
Chris shifted sideways and looked out across his property. For a moment, he was silent before turning back and sharing a simple but powerful truth with her. “You have to say it out loud. It’s what Claire told me when I was struggling, after my big tour overseas.”
Blythe dropped her shoulders and lifted her chin, as she let out all of the air that was in her lungs.
“Okay,” she whispered.
“You can do it. It can be as easy as you allow it to be. You can be stubborn and fight it, or you can be free. It’s up to you.”
Chris nodded and left. He wasn’t going to help her. But, then again, she knew he couldn’t.
Standing alone in the barn, with only the horses and the sunset for company, she pondered what he’d said—then closed her eyes. But when she did, she saw herself… The girl she used to be. The one who fell for a lie and was manipulated and deceived in the process. It was unexpected. She hadn’t realized this was how it would be. Eyes still closed, she smiled softly and spoke to the girl in front of her.
“I forgive you. I forgive you for not understanding, for not seeing the warning signs, and most of all…I forgive me, for not loving you when you needed and deserved it all along.”
She remained there, eyes closed for what felt like a short while. When she finally opened them, all of the words she’d spoken had turned themselves into tears. She let them fall one by one, until they washed away everything. The pain, the disappointment, the fear and the doubt. That piece of her storywas finally over. She wasn’t holding onto it any longer. Her hands were empty, not a trace of it lingering.
Without the past crowding her mind and her heart, she could finally see her relationship with Justin clearly. She loved him—undoubtedly and irrevocably. She suddenly needed him desperately, and he needed to hear her say it. Damnit, he deserved to hear her say it.
Though, what was she supposed to do? Just waltz up to his door and sayI’m sorry. That felt pretty shallow—at first. But when she thought about it, a person saying they’re sorry might just be the most courageous thing a personcoulddo…and maybe she had just enough courage to do it. Right then, if there was no hesitation.
She bolted from the barn and through the screen door of the ranch house to snatch her bag and her keys. She heard Chris shout from the living room as she gathered her things and rushed back toward the door.
“Where you goin’?”
“To say I’m sorry.” She paused and caught his eye from where he stood, tears still staining her cheeks.
“Atta girl.” Her uncle’s mouth tilted up in a half smile. “I hope I don’t see you for a week. Get outta here. Love you.”
Her heart was going to jump out of her chest. She knew that he wouldn’t hate her for what she did, but she hated herself for it all the same. She rehearsed the entire way over and still felt like her words werepatheticfor what she knew she put him through.She knocked on the door and waited for him to answer. She knocked again and waited some more. She knew he didn’t have an appointment currently. She’d checked the calendar to make sure. Maybe he ran to town or?—
“Now, who might you be?”
She jumped and whipped around, hand flying over her chest. There he was, standing in the gravel, right in front of the porch steps. She closed her eyes and tried to slow her breathing.
“Sorry I scared you. Just felt like the first time I walked up on you, and I couldn’t resist. Are you here to get the rest of your things?” His voice was quiet and sincere. There was no anger or malice to it. Damn, he really was too good to be true.
“No, I came to apologize… I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry.” Her chin started to quiver, and she attempted to choke down the emotion. “I wish I could take it all back. I wouldn’t leave. I would let you tell me how much you love me all over again, and instead of being stubborn and bull-headed and selfish, I would wrap my arms around you and tell you that I love you, too. More than air, more than my eyesight—more than I doubt myself.”
Justin lifted a foot and stood on the bottom step, inching closer to her as she spoke. She watched as he climbed each wooden plank, until he was standing in front of her on the main platform. His six-foot-three inch frame felt even more daunting as she waited for a response from him.
