“That’s a pretty good explanation.” Evie nodded, relieved he seemed to understand what she was trying to say. “I was holding things together pretty well until… well, until I wasn’t anymore. Then it was a full-on crash and burn.”
“I wish…” He started to say something, then stopped himself, realizing she probably wouldn’t appreciate whatever he had been about to say. “It doesn’t matter. What matters is that you reached out, and we’re here, talking.”
He took a slow breath, bracing himself. “So… did you reach out because you wanted final closure, or because you wanted to get back together?”
“I reached out because Thorn mentioned you asked about me,” she said honestly, not wanting to give him false hope. “I didn’t really know what I wanted or expected. I thought maybe seeing you would help me figure it out.”
“Oh.” He frowned, releasing her hand and sitting back. “And?”
She lowered her hands into her lap, fingers laced together. “I still don’t know.” The disappointment on his face made guilt rise uncomfortably in her throat. “There was one other major issue in our relationship besides everything I had going on, and that’s what’s making me unsure. I… I just don’t feel safe with you in that area.”
To her astonishment, instead of getting upset the way she expected, his eyes lit up, and he leaned forward. “I’ve beenworking on that,” he said excitedly. “Honestly, I have. I had a similar issue with another girl—” He stopped himself, his cheeks flushing. “Forget I said that. The point is, I realized it was a real problem, and I’ve been seeing a special therapist to work on it.”
Evie narrowed her eyes, irritation flickering. She didn’t care that he’d been with someone else; she had encouraged him to move on. What bothered her was that it had taken the same feedback from someone else to make him actually work on it, despite his promise to her months ago. “A special therapist?” she repeated.
“Yeah, you know.” He glanced around and leaned closer, lowering his voice. “One that specializes in sex issues.” He sat back, looking immensely proud of himself.
“It’s been helping a lot. He also advised me not to engage in… those practices until I have things under control, so you don’t even have to worry about any of that for a while.”
“Look, I’m leaving for West Virginia on Monday to do the next leg of the Appalachian Trail. Why don’t…” His voice trailed off, and he stared into space as the colour drained from his face. “Oh fuck.”
“What?” Evie raised her eyebrow, startled by how fast his whole demeanour shifted. She glanced over her shoulder, half expecting someone to be behind her with a gun. “What’s wrong?”
“Oh. Christ.” He groaned, dropping his head into his hands. “I’m sorry, Evie. I was going to suggest you think about things while I’m gone, and when I get back, we could talk again, but you might not want to after I explain this.”
He looked up at her, remorse written across every line of his body. “I invited a friend I’ve been sort of dating to come on the hike with me.” He groaned again and let his head flop backas he covered his face. “Look, if this makes you uncomfortable and you don’t want to consider getting back together, I’ll cancel everything right now.”
Evie wasn’t sure whether to laugh, feel flattered or run away screaming. The way he was willing to give up something he’d been planning for close to two years just because she might not want to maybe think about getting back together left her speechless.
“For God’s sake, don’t cancel it.” She shook her head quickly. “You’ve been saving and planning this forever. We weren’t together when you asked her to go, and we’re not together now.”
“Besides,” she added gently, “if you’re ‘sort of’ dating her, then you’re clearly interested. I don’t think you should give that up just because you want a chance with me.” She tried to keep her tone kind, but the urge to grab him by the shoulders and ask what was wrong with him was strong.
“Go on your trip and do it as a single man. No hard feelings if you come back and decide you want to be with her.”
“Really? You’d be okay with that?” He looked genuinely hopeful, almost boyish.
Evie nodded, trying to project reassurance while still reeling from the sheer absurdity of the situation.
“Are you going to date while I’m gone?” he asked, lower lip pushing into an unmistakable pout.
This time, Evie did laugh.
“Unless I bump into Sebastian Stan and he falls madly in love with me, it’s unlikely I’ll start dating someone in the three weeks you’re away.”
“I’m seriously considering cancelling this whole trip right now.” Alex folded his arms, grumbling, which made Evie roll her eyes. Apparently, he thought her chances of bumping into her celebrity crush in a city of eight and a half million people were much higher than they actually were.
“If you do, there will be no chance of getting back together.” She kept her tone firm, wanting to shut down whatever nonsense he was working himself into. “Just go and enjoy yourself, Alex. The chances of anyone approaching me are slim to none.”
“You’re not jealous that I’ll be hiking with another woman for three weeks? You don’t care what I do?” His voice rose, hurt pushing through the words.
“Look, you have to understand something. I thought you’d moved on. I know how I felt about you, but I’m not in that exact place anymore. I want you to be happy, so you need to see if it’s with this girl before you put in effort with me.” She stood, needing the physical distance before the conversation turned into a fight. “It was great to see you, Alex, and I hope you have a great trip.” She touched his shoulder lightly as she walked past him. “We’ll talk when you get back.”
Alex reached up and caught her hand. “Why meet me if you don’t have feelings for me?”
“Because I did,” she answered softly. “But the timing was bad, and I wanted to see if things still felt right. I came here fully prepared for you to have moved on or not want to start things over.” She frowned at him. “Why are you fighting me on this? I’m telling you to enjoy your trip. What you turn it into is your decision. If you go as friends, fine. If you want to see if there’s a future with her, also fine. Just tell me when you get back.”
“And you won’t hold it against me?”
