The slight tremble of his voice doesn’t match his harsh words. I give him my honest answer. “I don’t know. I just do.”
I’m not prepared for the assault of his lips on mine. He swallows my gasp, and he pulls me against him. He asks against my lips. “How’d you get here?”
“I rode with Zoey.”
“Do you want to ride with me? Not back to the party. Somewhere we can be alone.”
I nod, eager to spend more time with him, to learn more about him. I want to study him and understand him. His eyes search mine, and in a stern voice he claims, “I’m not going to be your boyfriend. I’m not long term. Anything that happens, it’s only for tonight.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t fucking deserve you. And you don’t deserve to put up with my shit and all the baggage I come with. I’m selfish enough to invite you back to my place.”
“And I’m selfish enough to ask that you give me the entire rest of the night.”
“All night it is then.”
****
Zane navigates through the dark winding rodes with expertise. I know he’s driving slower on my behalf, which I appreciate it, but my body is so wound up over him. The dim lighting from the dashboard illuminates his handsome face. Christmas music hums through the speakers, and I can’t help but smile.
“I’m surprised you were listening to Christmas music.”
“I wasn’t.”
“It’s playing…”
“I turned it on for you. I heard you singing it with Zoey…on more than one occasion at school.”
“How long have you noticed me?”
His answer is a noncommittal shrug. I’ve noticed him plenty, of course, but I’d always been too scared to consider him as anything more than…Zane.The tires crunch as he pulls into a gravel driveaway. It’s dark, but I can tell this house is rundown. I open the door, but Zane touches my arm.
“Let me come around to help you. It’s slick.”
I allow Zane to help guide me to the wooden front porch, that’s missing a few boards. Without saying anything, Zane shows me where to step as the porch creaks in protest under our weight. He opens the screen door and places a key in the lock. From the shape of the wooden door, a good shove would probably open it – locked or not. When it’s opened, he directs me to step inside.
My nose inhales the sweet scent of sugar cookies, as my skin welcomes the warmth. Zane flips a light switch, and I notice the house is extremely tiny but homey. The living room is extremely small with only a television, couch and recliner. The kitchen has only the bare essentials with little counter space. Then there’s a tiny table for two. The kitchen is clean, but the warmth and fresh sweet aroma is still lingering.
I look over to find Zane watching me carefully. “Did someone bake sugar cookies?”
He releases a surprised chuckle. “What?”
“It smells really good in here. Like sugar cookies.”
Evident relief washes over his face. He looks down as though he’s unsure how to answer. I smile wildly and ask, “Did you? Do you bake?”
“I did. I baked some for my Nana.”
I look around and notice there’s no Christmas tree or wrapped presents. There’s no evidence inside this house that tomorrow is Christmas. Only the smell of sugar cookies. Before I can ask who he lives here with, Zane takes my hand and leads metoward the hallway. One of the doors is cracked, and I see that it’s the bathroom.
He opens a door and leads me in. The lights are off, but instead of flipping the switch, he turns on a bedside lamp. The room is bare except for a simple full-size bed, nightstand, closet, suitcase, and one dresser with a cracked mirror. Zane stands towering before me, his body so lean yet muscled. His raven curled hair wild against his sharp facial features. The dim lighting making his features more prominent. His eyes burning bright with desire, but still cautious as they take in my face.
“Shawna, we don’t have to do anything.”
I know we don’t. There’s not a doubt in my mind that I could tell him to take me home, and he would. No pressure. What Zane doesn’t realize is that after that kiss, I’ve never felt so much. I want to see if I can feelmore.I’m almost eighteen, and I’ve lived my life dull and by the book. I never would’ve imagined that last year when Zane first appeared that I would be alone in a room with him on Christmas Eve about to offer my virginity to him on a silver platter.
“Shawna? I don’t want you to feel pressured. Let’s just watch a movie.”
