She passed me a handful of candy canes too. “You worked out well. Drive safe. Keep in touch.”
I wouldn’t do either one, but I put the candy in my pocket, tipped my hat to her, and headed out the back. I couldn’tdrive safebecause two days ago, Tilly had turned into an immobile brick in the motel parking lot. Alternator problem, or maybe the starter. Whatever. Luckily, the bus still ran for another hour and stopped near my motel.
The bus arrived within five minutes of schedule, the seats more crowded than usual as I climbed the steps and dropped cash into the farebox. Lots of folks had bags and boxes, although some of the passengers looked as exhausted as I felt. Colorful lights flashed Christmas cheer along the route and billboards advertised stuff I couldn’t afford to buy. My phone vibrated in my pocket with a text. Seth checking in, no doubt. I didn’t look. I hadn’t decided what to tell him.
Whoever owned the motel had not splurged on holiday décor. One strand of white lights with a couple of dead bulbs circled the sign, but otherwise the exterior looked as depressing as the day I moved in. I unlocked my door with the old-fashioned key, clicked on the light, and deadbolted the lock behind me. A necessary precaution, between the drunks who couldn’t remember their room number and the thieves on the lookout for easy pickings.
I sprawled on the bed on top of a festive cover I’d stretched over the threadbare blankets. Claire had trashed the green-and-red howling-wolf fleece after a customer spotted a rip in the corner, but I’d rescued it. Damaged goods were a perk of the job, and this was the one useful item that’d come my way.
My mind drifted as tension and fatigue sucked me down into the mattress. I wouldn’t miss that job one bit, but I’d miss the regular paycheck. I had a bit of money saved, and a dead truck. Back to square one, or maybe minus one. I closed my eyes. My phone buzzed again, reminding me I had an unread message.
Time to face the music.I pulled my phone out of my pocket and checked the screen.
Seth:~When do you get off work? Any chance I can come down and see you? It’s Christmas.
The words sat there, tempting me. I hadn’t seen Seth since our hug in the parking lot of the Star & Bar a month ago. We’d video called, but the thought of saying goodbye again, watchinghim drive off to the horses and cattle, while I went back to smiling and selling tourist crap, had been too hard to take. Now I wavered.
All I could think wasGod, I want.
Not just Seth’s dick in my ass and his mouth on mine. More than that, I wanted Seth’s arms around me. The way he took care of me.
Which sounded pathetic. One month of being a responsible adult and I was ready to pitch in the towel. My father’s voice echoed in my head.“You’re useless.”
I rolled over onto my stomach, taking the phone with me. I wasn’t useless. I’d escaped, survived, got a job, made money. I had over three hundred dollars in the bank, and would have over three hundred more when that last half-week paycheck hit. My room was paid up for two more days, and I could afford another week if need be.
Not useless. But not in great shape either, because job hunting without the truck, commuting without the truck, would be a whole new challenge. Blue Vista had public transit, but barely.
Maybe I could buy a bicycle. The town was far enough out of the mountains we’d only had one December snowfall which had melted the next day. I could get a cheap used bike. Might help keep me fit for when I went back to the ranch.
My phone buzzed in my hand.
Seth:~Or just call me. I bet you’re beat after that last Christmas rush.
A wave of sweetness flowed through me. There was this wonderful man, trying not to push me, trying to give me what I needed. Why was I being so stubborn?
Before I could think twice, I texted,~I’m back at the motel and yeah actually I’d love some company.
Seth’s answer came back immediately.~On my way. Can I bring dinner? Davis made a big lunch and there’s leftovers.
My mouth watered at the thought of a real cooked meal. My eyes watered just because.~I don’t have a microwave.
Seth:~I’ll heat it up here and put it in an insulated cooler. I bet that would work. Hour and a half. Thanks for letting me come.
If my sinuses didn’t stop clogging, I’d be a pathetic mess by the time Seth arrived. I replied,~We’ll see about coming after dinner.
Seth:~Make that an hour and fifteen minutes.
Austin:~Drive safe.
I rolled off the bed. If Seth was coming, I needed to shower and clean up at least a bit. Working extended hours through the last-minute shopping days, I’d let my laundry pile up on the lone chair. Takeout containers overflowed the trash can.
The hot shower was a balm on my stiff neck and shoulders, but I only stayed under the spray long enough to clean all my intimate bits thoroughly. I toweled my hair, dressed in my last clean T-shirt and the slightly-less-grubby jeans I found lurking under the dresser, and stuffed all my laundry into the bottom drawer.
My cowboy boots rubbed my bare feet as I ran a load of trash out to the dumpster in back. In theory, the hotel had maid service daily, but in practice, I got clean sheets once a week and figured I had to be grateful for that. Cold evening air on my wet hair made me shiver as I shoved the heavy lid open and dropped in the bag. I jumped as someone in the shadows said, “Hey, dude, you want—”
“Not interested.” I whirled and sprinted away from the weed or pills or meth, whatever he’d been about to try to sell me. On the balcony along the second floor, a woman screamed at a short, skinny man. Something about his cheating and money,half the words lost in her volume. I ducked into my room and slammed the door. Fuck, I wanted out of here.
I didn’t want Seth to see me here either, but that ship had sailed. I’d invited him, and he had the address. If I called back and told him not to come, even now, he’d agree. I knew that, the same way I knew I could’ve said no to being fucked, right up to the moment he pushed into my ass, and Seth would’ve stopped. But I also knew it’d be cruel to tell him to turn around now.
