John turned to me. “You want me to let you know if I hear from Austin again?”
“No, you’re right. He can tell me whatever he wants.” I backed to the door. “Thanks. Sorry I’ve been such a useless lump the last four days.”
“I wouldn’t say useless,” John countered. “A bit scattered, yeah.”
Tiffany tilted her head. “The man you love just walked off into the blue. You have an excuse.”
“I’m not in love,” I shot back.Love? What the hell?
“But you could be. I’ve seen how you look at him.”
I grabbed my hair, tugging the curls clenched in my fists. “I need to think.”
John waved at me. “Go think in your own cabin. I have thirty minutes before my wife and I have to turn in, and I plan to enjoy them.”
“Yeah. Okay. Sure.” I donned my parka and boots, let myself out, and trudged to the barn instead of my cabin.
Ahwan whickered to me as I approached her stall. I patted her neck and rubbed her cheek. “Sorry, pretty girl. No carrots for you tonight.” Which reminded me of Austin. I hoped he was eating okay. He should have the money for food, for now.
Had I worried about Miguel when he’d left the ranch? Maybe a little, but he’d been twenty-two not eighteen, and headed for a job he’d enjoy. I couldn’t remember where, though. Couldn’t recall much about him going. I’d blamed myself for that mistake, and at the time, I’d thought my head would explode with the swirl of regret and self-loathing.
Now, as I thought back, I remembered Miguel kissing my cheek. Remembered him trying for a real kiss and I’d turned away. Why? Why didn’t I hug and reassure him?
Because I blamed him.The truth hit me, painfully. I realized I’d been deeply, resentfully angry about his power over me.Seeing his truck and the trailer with his mare Stella vanish down the road hadn’t affected me like watching Austin leave, because I was relieved Miguel was gone.
Ahwan nudged me hard enough to knock me sideways a step, and I sighed. “Did I stop scratching your itch. Sorry, girl.”
I dutifully dug my fingers into Ahwan’s thick coat under her mane as I thought back to the days I’d tried to erase from my head.
A week after the disaster, Zachary was long gone, first in the ambulance bouncing down the rutted drive toward the Sanderville hospital, then flown on to a big-city trauma unit in San Francisco. He’d had two surgeries, according to the boss, and never returned my calls. I was a mess, my hands shaking every time I reached for a saddle. And Miguel? What had he been thinking, or feeling?
I realized I didn’t know.
Maybe I should find out.
Ahwan nickered after me as I walked down the aisle. The feed room was warmer than the stalls. I hunkered down on a bench and pulled out my phone. Searching online wasn’t my good thing, but I gave it a try and eventually found one picture of a Miguel Pascual coming in second in a rodeo saddle bronc event two years ago. The photo was too small to see the guy’s face, but I was certain the rider was my Miguel. Alive and doing okay.
The way he liked technology, he was probably on Facebook or Twitter, but I wasn’t and didn’t know how to be. I fiddled with my phone and wound up in my contacts list. There he was, amid the small collection of names. Unlikely that he’d kept the same number since then, but after all, I had.
Before I could rethink it, I texted,~Hey, Miguel? It’s Seth.
There was no reply for so long I was sure some stranger had sent my message into the trash, but then my phone pinged.
Miguel:~Holy shit, dude. How are you?
I stared down at the words like they might bite me. Now Miguel had answered, I had no idea what I wanted to say. After several long seconds, I managed,~I’m fine. How are you?
Miguel:~Hanging in there. Long time no hear.
Seth:~Yeah. Sorry about that.
Miguel:~I think it’s on both of us.
Seth:~Yes. But
I couldn’t come up with the right words, and my thumbs felt clumsy on the keyboard. I hit the call button.
Miguel answered on the second ring, laughing as he spoke. “I had a bet with myself how long it would take you to go to voice.”
