I couldn’t help the little tug in my groin at that image. “What happened to the innocent guy I took to my bed a week ago?”
“You taught him to love blow jobs, and he wasn’t that innocent to begin with.” Austin ran his sock-clad foot up my shin. “You want?”
Fuck yes, I wanted. I could lose myself in his lush mouth and push off my worries. Unfortunately, I’d vowed to do the responsible thing. I straightened my shoulders. “We should talk.”
Austin scrunched up his nose. “Kiss of death.”
I closed my eyes for a second. “You’re leaving tomorrow. Barring a miracle where Kendrick decides the ranch needs you now.”
“Yeah. Don’t worry. I’m not holding my breath.”
“Right.” I really wanted to believe in miracles, but you can’t ranch without being a realist. “If Kendrick says no, what will you do?”
“Head to town. Look for work.”
“In San Francisco?”
“Maybe not that far.” Austin rubbed his mouth. “I like the idea but it’s expensive there, everyone says so. Depending on how many hours Mr. Bowen credits me with, I might have the money for one month’s rent, but not a security deposit. One of the smaller towns along the way might be cheaper.”
And closer.I didn’t want to say that out loud, in case staying nearby didn’t matter to Austin. “I could loan you that deposit. I have some money saved.” I hadn’t had much to spend my paycheck on the last few years.Come on, let me help.
All the playfulness bled out of Austin. He raised his chin and regarded me critically. “I want to make it on my own. That’s important to me.”
It almost killed you.But I had no room to tell a guy his past shouldn’t affect his present. “What kind of work?”
“Don’t know. Ranching’s what I know best, but I worked fast food, and did chores like mowing the lawn for the neighbors. I’lllook for retail, probably, since that’s what’s hiring at this time of year.”
“I can’t imagine you standing behind a cash register.”
Austin’s crooked smile turned wry. “I’ve done a lot of things I couldn’t imagine this past week. Some of them were excellent.”
I let out a snort. “I can pretty much guarantee working retail isn’t excellent.”
“No shit, but if I can get through till March on my own two feet, I can come back here then. I can sign on as seasonal ranch hand feeling like I’ve earned the right.”
I told him, “I took a quick look at the local jobs postings. No one’s looking for ranch help, though, not nearby. The farm stuff down in the flatlands is all backbreaking fieldwork, minimum wage and long hours, shit they can only get immigrants to do.”
Austin sighed. “Better than starving, but I’d like to save some money, if I can. I don’t want to be down to digging for change under the seats again.”
“I’ll always be here.” I leaned toward Austin, my hands locked together so I didn’t reach for him. “Tell me you know that, if you get down to spare change.”
“I know.” Only he didn’t quite meet my eyes. “Do you want the rest of that lasagna?”
“No.” The thought of him leaving was a ball of lead in my stomach.
Austin got to his feet and cleared the table, washing the plates and putting Davis’s container in the fridge. I should’ve helped, but I watched him instead, memorizing the angle of his jaw and the shape of his hands, the easy way he moved.
When he was done, he came back and stood behind my chair, resting his hands on my shoulders. I rubbed my cheek against his forearm.
“We finished the day early for once,” he murmured. “Gonna come to bed?”
“Sure.” I twisted my neck to look up at him. “You want to fuck me this time?”
“Is that what you want?”
I hesitated because yes, but also no. I wanted everything we could have together with his departure crashing down on us. I urgently wanted to know what he’d feel like inside me, to guide his earnest eagerness, his first time topping. At the same time, I desperately wanted to take care of him tonight.
“You know what?” Austin stepped back. “I really want you to fuck me. I want to still feel it when I drive away tomorrow.”
