I gathered a little too late what was going on in her head as she returned her lips to mine and I was already relenting to her pull as she guided me over. Subconsciously, my hands were already sliding down her back, only struggling with whether to slip beneath the waist of her jeans or up under the fabric of her shirt. The decision I made likely saved us, because when my fingertips slipped under her shirt in search of her soft, welcoming skin, instead they met the rough bandages and stringy medical tape, and I froze.
“What?” Avion said. “Is something wrong?”
“Yeah,” I said. “You were shot a few days ago.” The specific place my hand was frozen was the exact spot the bullet had entered her back. I blinked and it was like my hand was covered in blood again. I snatched it away from her, and in another blink the blood was gone again. There were certain parts of my body that were unhappy with me stopping, but thankfully my brain was managing to function properly. “We can’t do this.”
Avion took a step back from me, one of her hands going to her neck like she was embarrassed. “Um … ever?”
“What? No!” I started to close around her again, but weighed the risks of it and settled for setting my hands safely on her arms. “We just can’t do it right now. Not while you’re recovering. I’m afraid you’re going to get hurt. Your wound isn’t exactly in an easy to avoid spot, and if something I did caused it to open again, I’d never forgive myself.” I ironed my hands down her arms until I was able to curl my hands under hers and lift them. “Please? I’m sorry. We just need to wait. I know it feels like this was months ago, but it was just a few days ago. When you’re better … You’ll have to fight me off.”
Though she nodded, Avion wouldn’t meet my gaze. I was choosing to believe, and praying I was right, that she was just disappointed in the circumstances, not in me. Convincing Avion that I didn’twantto be with her would be the opposite of the truth, but trying to convince her otherwise right now could push us in the wrong direction. I really didn’t want to see her get hurt more.
“I’ll, um… I’ll go.”
I released Avion and she sunk down onto the bed. “Don’t forget to send me what furniture you want. It’s still early, so we can still get a lot today still if you want.”
She nodded but didn’t respond, which made me feel like shit. I knew leaving was the best thing to do for now though. At least until we’d both calmed down.
I still had a lower appendage trying to change my mind for me.
I considered saying something else, but figured it was best to just remain quiet. I backed out of Avion’s bedroom, watching her sadly until I finally had to turn my back to her and just walk away. I walked out of her apartment feeling like I’d misstepped somewhere. This didn’t feel a whole lot different from when shewasjust a prisoner. And if I still felt like I was imprisoning her.
Did that mean she still felt imprisoned?
37
AVION
When Giovanni said he only wanted two house staff up on our bedroom level, he wasn’t lying in the slightest. Several times that day, a housekeeper and chef, neither of whom were particularly trained to move furniture, were forced to carry all the pieces I’d ordered into my wing of the house. I’d attempted to help them out by just telling them to leave everything in a pile in the middle of the living room, but when Gio noticed that I was trying to move furniture myself, he made Milli come up and help me move things specifically where I wanted them to go.
There were people who’d only met Milli once at the grocery store who knew he wasn’t a man who took any sort of joy or pleasure in helping a complete stranger move a dining room table to where she wanted it to go. Though Milli and I had done something akin to bonding when I was in the hospital, and even before that, I could tell that any allegiance he had to me was only because of his attachment to Gio and for no other reason.
Needless to say, I felt bad that he’d been saddled with this particular task, especially when I wasn’t sure why Gio wasn’t helping me himself.
“I think that’s good,” I said as Milli pulled the L-shaped couch I’d ordered into a spot that perfectly placed it in front of the television now hanging on the wall.
“Are you sure?” he asked.
I nodded. “Yeah, totally. I know you have other things you’d rather be doing with your day. Don’t worry about me.”
“It’s fine, Avion,” he replied, but he still sounded irritated. “If I leave and Gio sees you moving furniture, it’ll bemewho he runs through, not you.”
I knew that was true, but it didn’t change how bad I felt. “Yeah … Still, that’s a good spot for the couch. I promise, if I need anything else moved, I’ll ask someone for help.”
He sighed and lowered himself onto the couch to take a breather in wake of the heavy lifting. “Please do. I’m not looking to add his anger to my list of problems.”
“Speaking of which…” I walked over and sat down on the perpendicular side of the couch from Milli. “Is he upset? You know, with me? Or… just in general?”
“Upset isn’t how I’d describe it,” he said. “More… paranoid. He can’t make himself stop furiously checking all the details, overseeing everything, and making sure that literally every little thing that happens here is under his purview. If he spends an hour or two with you, he spends four hours backtracking and going over every single thing that happened in that time. Even if you aren’t a distraction he takes issue with, you’re a distraction nonetheless.”
I could always leave it up to Milli to hit me with the cold, hard truth.
“I don’t want to be a distraction,” I said.
“I think it makes him feel better to be able to lay his eyes on you personally. You know, make sure that you’re safe.”
I lowered my head at that. “It’d be better if I weren’t as useless.”
Where some might say something encouraging at that juncture, Milli settled for, “Probably.”
