Ifelt the urge to do it - not because I was desperate to hurt someone, but because of who she associated herself with. She was a Cavetti. I wasn’t even sure if the fact that she brought me food after hours was a part of the torture. The frenzied look in her eye whenever she came by was enough to convince me that it wasn’t, but just barely.
My muscles twitched as I held her hard. She was fighting frantically, unable to breathe because of my arm across her neck. She slapped at my wrists, at my stomach, my legs. She was a fighter, even more than my own sisters. She made Lucia’s attempt to save my parents seem fruitless. I was still weak from the torture. Holding her was harder than it should have been. The breath left my body as she jabbed me with her elbow, causing the pain to ripple throughout my abdomen.
Her dark hair fell over my face as I held her in a vice-like grip. She gasped for breath as she continued to slam her back into me. She was growing desperate, and I had the deep desire to destroy the Cavettis, just as they’d destroyed my family.
“Let me go,” she said, her voice coarse. “I’ll do anything you need. Just let me live.”
Her voice was cracking as I pushed down against her throat. I didn’t know what I wanted. I simply needed them to understand the pain they were putting us through. I was desperate for Angelo Cavetti to see the wrong in what he was doing. He needed to know the pain that I was suffering through.
Still, I didn’t want to be like them.
I released her, watching as she slumped to the ground next to me. She was silent as she held her throat with her hand. She was swallowing air, desperate to get back to breathing. There was a jab in my chest at having hurt her. I’d gone about it the wrong way, and it was only just dawning on me. I wanted to do something huge, but my parents had already accomplished that. From what everyone knew, Gianni was dead. The Cavettis had already lost a sibling. Killing their little sister wouldn’t be the revenge I needed.
It just wasn’t permanent enough.
More than the fact that it didn’t feel like it would do the damage I wanted to convey, guilt twinged through me as Natalia fought to take air in. She’d been nothing but kind to me the past few weeks, and looking at the scattered medical supplies on the ground, she truly had meant to come in and get me fixed up. I hadn’t thought it through. She was a friend, but now I’d proven in earnest that she was as expendable to me as the next one over. What was my plan after I managed to kill her and get out?
I didn’t have one.
Impulsive and stupid, I risked everything and with each passing second, I grew more and more confident that it was a mistake.
“I’m a good ally to have in your corner,” she continued to negotiate. “My brothers think I’m totally uninvolved and my father doesn’t believe I’m capable of doing much of anything. I can’t help you escape right now, but one day they’ll let down their guard, and in the meantime, I can keep you fed and your wounds tended to.”
She was saying whatever she had to to get out of the situation. Either in my desperation or due to the repeated and constant torture, I’d been unable to separate Natalia from her family. It was evident as she looked up at me with desperation in her eyes that she had no intention of staying true to her family.
“Go,” I said.
And Natalia didn’t hesitate. She scrambled up off of the floor, leaving the food and medical supplies behind, and ran out, shutting the door and locking it behind her. I could hear her feet down the hallway, getting quieter and quieter until I heard the big door that led down to the dungeon open and close with a loud thud.
I messed up.
Using the bandages to wrap myself up in a way that wasn’t immediately noticeable, and the painkillers to numb the pain as I continued to endure torture, I waited. My torturer continued to come during the day, and as night fell, Natalia never returned. The only food I had received was rapidly running out. The only company I had was now nothing more than the drops of condensation falling from the cement ceiling to the floor. The only Cavetti I’d caused any pain was the only one that I didn’t hate with every fiber of my being.
I did my best to count the days even though I didn’t have much of a frame of reference for time, only when my torturer came and left. Only Antonio’s screams from a couple of rooms down. Two or more weeks had passed and Natalia hadn’t returned and I couldn’t blame her. If she never came back I would understand.
Natalia was quite possibly my only hope of escape, and by being stupid and not thinking my actions through, I’d ruined it. Now, more than ever, I was certain that my siblings and I were going to die in the makeshift prison cells in the basement of the man who’d murdered my parents. The days of the door opening and bringing me a short escape in the form of Natalia were behind me.
There was nothing but torture and pain in my future.
5
Natalia
The dreams kept waking me in the middle of the night. It was as though his arm had burned itself into my skin, forever making it so I would feel that fear and pain of him holding me back. I wondered if he really wanted to kill me.
I woke that morning drenched in sweat and my hand on my throat. It happened again. My heart was racing in my chest at the thought of him taking my life. I’d been an idiot. I’d tried to help one of the Bonifacios and it had blown up in my face. Rightfully so. I’d gone ahead and forgotten just how dangerous they could be. It was foolish on my part. I was a mouse who’d walked right into the trap, never even worrying about the outcome.
I inhaled deeply as I let my hands fall next to me. The sound of my raspy breathing filled the bedroom. I leaned back against the soft headboard of my bed, trying to forget what had happened. But who was I kidding? There was no forgetting the fear. I was sure that he was going to kill me. I didn’t want to believe that he was anything like the men that followed my father, like my own older brothers, but he’d proven himself to be just as deadly.
I jumped at the sound of a knock on my door. I swallowed hard as I brought the blanket over my legs. Somehow, in my nightmare fit, I’d removed all the blankets from on top of me. My pillows were strewn across the bed, as though there’d been some kind of fight.
“Come in.”
My voice echoed through the quiet room as the door opened slowly. The sun flickered in from the massive windows, which overlooked the expansive yard outside. I had the best view in the mansion, not that it mattered - I was trapped, just like everyone else was.
I raised my eyes to see Savio entering. His dark hair was pushed back and he was wearing a pair of well fitted black jeans and a white dress shirt. It was a little less casual than what he usually wore, which meant that he was either going out later that night to the club or going somewhere with our father. I was never told what my father had planned. It was always through the grunts that I pieced things together.
“Hey,” he said, smiling at me lightly. “What’re you up to?”
