“You always hear horror stories of people whose weddings get hijacked by their parents, but I don’t know what happened. I just gave up rather than listen to it. Seth’s mom insisted on paying for everything, but then she would say all the time that she had a saybecauseshe was paying for it. And my mom would just make decisions without me even knowing, and then tell me about it, and that it’d already been decided, so fighting was just useless. I didn’t even know that this was a destination wedding until about three weeks ago when my mom mentioned it in passing and then told me I’d been the one to bring it up. I swear, she was gaslighting me.” Lucy’s voice tainted with self-depreciation, and I scratched her scalp soothingly as she ducked her head. “No one knows about the money, at least. I haven’t worked since I got back, and everyone thinks Micky is supporting me. She kinda moved in with me, and a couple weeks turned into nine months.”
“Well, for what it’s worth, I don’t have a mom, so you don’t have to worry, Lucy. Let me wash your hair- come on.” Pushing myself to my feet, I held out my hands for her, and Lucy tinged pink as she stood. The room I’d rented was three rooms, a sitting area, a bathroom, and a bedroom, and it was a good price for the comfort.
“How did you know about the dress? That it was cheap? And my makeup?” Flicking on the bathroom light, I tensed when soft, smooth fingers crept up my back, and Lucy pressed her forehead against me to sniffle. My skin twitched and tightened against her palms, and I clenched my jaw as the second’s ticked by. Slowly kicking off my wet suit, I hiked up my boxers before turning to her, and the choking stench of hairspray coated my tongue and throat.
I didn’t open my mouth, mostly because I didn’t want to break this moment, and Lucy’s big, blue eyes glazed over as I reached to pull down what was left of her dress. There was nothing holding it together, so it just flailed to pool around her feet, and I cupped her cheeks with both my palms to rub under her eyes.
“I know good fabric when I feel it. I used to care about that kind of thing. And the makeup . . . any makeup cheapens you, Lucy.” She blushed furiously under the streams where her makeup had washed away, and my heart squeezed painfully. “Let’s get this crap out of your hair.”
The bathtub had a shower head attached to it, which was convenient, and I helped Lucy inside before turning on the faucet. Hyper-focused on her face, I didn’t see any part of her below her collar bone- she was so damn beautiful that it took my breath away. After months and months of a downward spiral, I finally had her so close, and I wasn’t going to let any details slip away.
“Our moms are the ones who wanted this wedding. Everyone else came to party, and it’s not exactly a secret . . . the situation.” Her murmur was a caress on my brain, and Lucy leaned back as I grabbed the shower head with my free hand. “I know why you pushed me away. Mateo . . . ”
My lips thinned as sourness stuck my tongue to the roof of my mouth, and I worked to drench Lucy’s hair, but even then, it was so damn sticky and stiff that it barely moved. The ugly, disproportioned rock on her finger glinted, taunting me, but I couldn’t exactly take it off with my hands full. She was quiet, everything was quiet, and I softly started to hum one of my favorite songs as I worked her scalp.
Getting all that gunk out of Lucy’s hair was a mammoth task, but this was more than that. She basked in my touch, and my humming grew louder until it turned into a mumble. My shampoo was scentless, thankfully, and I soaped up her hair as she held herself on her elbows. If it was uncomfortable, Lucy’s face didn’t hint at it, and she tilted her head back as I kneaded her scalp gingerly.
“You have a beautiful voice, Mateo.” Slurring heavily as I rinsed her hair, Lucy cracked open her eyes to stare at me upside down. “Keep singing. I like it.”
“Okay.” Well, I couldn’t argue with that logic, and I cleared my throat lightly while I squirted conditioner into my palm. The shower head was held up by one of those stalks that stayed in place, which I was really grateful for in this moment. I needed a shower to wash the ocean off me, but Lucy was more important.
Lucy was themostimportant.
“Do you like Spanish pop?” Nodding slightly, Lucy closed her eyes again, and I elbowed away the shower head to massage conditioner into her long, golden strands. “Do you know Spanish as a language?”
“Not really. Do you?” Humming an affirmative, I started tugging and twirling her hair around my fingers, and she groaned softly. “That feels good.”
“Good.” There was nothing— nothing to say, to think, to feel. There was just this wholeness. That gaping hole inside me had been filled. The emptiness of the past few months were forgotten. The loneliness, it never crept up on me late at night. “I knew I shouldn’t have pushed you away, but what if it was a fluke? What if we only cared about each other because we were locked in a room for a week, and I had to protect you, and you had to watch me get tortured? But it only got worse, Lucy. I got so bad. I told myself if I ever saw you again under a normal circumstance, I wouldn’t make the same mistake twice. You know, I came here because I thought I should once in my life. That’s kinda the direction my life has been going, just doing all the standard stuff, and when there was nothing left.”
“Mateo.” I ran my fingers through Lucy’s blonde hair, dark from the water, and the smoothness and ease sent shocks up my arm. My chest throbbed, and I inhaled sharply to bluster a shaky, unstable sigh.
“I knew when it was happening that it was a mistake, but I had to know for sure that it wasn’t the circumstances that drew us together. Seeing you downstairs, I was so fucking mad. There was no way that wasn’t deliberate. Who the fuck makes someone look like that on their wedding day? And everyone laughed at you when it was so obvious how upset you were. Andthat bitch!” Hissing through clenched teeth as my anger swamped my veins with renewed heat, I breathed fire through my nose. “That bitch spit on you. I’d fucking kill her if I could still get away with it.”
“That was pretty bad, even for her, yeah. But you know what, Mateo? She paid for this trip, so . . . Seth and I didn’t plan a honeymoon, even though my mom tried. He has classes and court, so he convinced her to let it go.” Lucy smiled slightly, a true humor tilting her thick lips, and blood drummed in my ears for a few furious beats of my heart. “You punched her real good, though. That was really sweet.”
“You’rereally sweet.” I downright grinned when Lucy huffed a laugh, and I turned off the water to gingerly ring out her elbow-length locks. “I need to wash off my time surfing, but my suitcase is under the bed. You can put something on.”
“I’m in just my panties, and you don’t even care?” Surprise lilted her tone as I stood up, and Lucy sat straight as I gazed down at her. Even now, with her nakedness pointed out, all I saw was her face as it washed in confusion. “Why would I put clothes on?”
“Lucy, please. There’s absolutely zero chance of me getting it up right now. I do care— I’m just too tired to do anything about it. Besides . . . ” Her eyes widened, and I reached to cup her chin and brush away a stray droplet of water. “Just looking at your face is enough for me right now.”
16
Lucy
Gazing at Mateo’s peaceful expression, I smoothed the crease between his brows with my thumb, but he was out cold. A bomb could go off, and he wouldn’t wake up; when he said he was tired, he meant spiritually, in his soul, he wastired. Caressing the sharp line of his jaw, I ruffled his light scuff, and all the chaos beyond this hotel room didn’t exist.
Every so often, there was some yelling and some stomping, but no one knew I was in here because, obviously, this was Mateo’s room. I traced the lines of his face, down his nose and around his eyes, with trembling fingers, and I took deep breaths of his smell to imbed it in my lungs. His t-shirt was so soft on my skin, and the thick hairs on his legs tickled mine.
It was so nice . . . so peaceful.
I understood. Mateo didn’t have to explain, but I understood how he could think what he did and why he chose to do what he had. Now, everything was so crystal clear. I was so glad I’d come to Hawaii, because we wouldn’t ever have just bumped into each other in Tennessee. It was a pipe dream that got flushed down the toilet before I’d even brought it up at the hospital. He would’veneverset foot in Tennessee, let alone Jackson, let alone showed up on my doorstep.
Tiredness weighed down my lids, but I couldn’t stop looking at him. I couldn’t stop hearing his beautiful baritone in my ears, and I couldn’t stop touching him. Mateo didn’t move despite his deep, stable breaths, and I traced his slightly parted lips. Now, I realized how much it hurt him . . . how hard he was trying to fake it. He was lying when he said he thought it was best I went back to Tennessee by myself and forgot about him.
Even then, we both knew I couldn’t forget, and obviously he hadn’t either. How awful it must’ve been for Mateo that he considered killing himself. He had his dogs, but they couldn’t fill the void in him. If I wasn’t so filled with loathing for my mom, Seth’s mom, my situation in general, I probably wouldn’t have lasted so long, either.
“Oh . . . ” Sitting up so gingerly, I sniffed back the tears that clogged my nose and throat, and I rubbed my eyes as they stung fiercely. I slid off the bed to shuffle into the living area, and Marshal lifted his head from the sofa. Ketchup sprawled on top of him, snoring lightly, and I wrapped my arms around myself as a small smile tilted my lips. The all black mass on the loveseat guffawed lightly, stretching his legs and paws before pulling them back in.Would this peace last?
