Carlyle
Surprise rose my brows when Oran slipped into my office, and I scanned him shrewdly as he gently shut the door behind him. He didn’t wear his glasses— he’d broken them when he attacked Roquelle— and deep, dark bags hung under his eyes. Silently sitting in the chair across from me, he rubbed his palms together, his unreadable expression and shielded eyes turning to his feet.
“I’m sorry, Carlyle.” I nearly choked on my own spit as shock rattled my spine, but Oran didn’t raise his eyes to behold the intense befuddlement that rippled across my face. My little brother never apologized for anything, let alone to me personally, and I clenched my hands into tight fists as he rasped a sigh. “I messed up. Really bad. And . . . and it made me realize . . . this thing that’s always gone on between us . . . it has to stop. A lot of my decisions have been bad ones.”
“Oran . . . ” Speechlessness was too soft a word to describe my utter lack of brain activity at this moment, and he clasped his hands tightly between his knees.
“I’m leaving tomorrow. I don’t know how long it’ll take, but I have to figure out who I am when I’m not comparing myself to you. I know that I can’t expect you to accept me back so easily, but maybe . . . maybe I won’t come back as your employee. Who knows? I need to find out.” Discomfort and shock soured my expression, but I simply nodded and cleared my throat as Oran blustered a huge, soullessly exhausted sigh. “I didn’t listen to her because I always thought I was right, even when I wasn’t. You wouldn’t have brushed that aside, but I did, and now she’s de—”
Pressing his knuckles to his mouth, Oran’s shoulders curled deeper, and my lips twitched in a sad scowl. A flurry of emotion slammed against my ribs, and I stood up to round my desk and sit against it. He turned his head in shame, and, for a flash of a second, I wondered if he could recover from what had happened.
“Oran, you made a mistake, and you’re learning from it. I know it won’t change what you had to do, but at least it won’t happen again. As much as it hurts, it was for the best for everyone. You would’ve never trusted them again, and they wouldn’t have confided in you the way you want.” Grabbing both his shoulders, I frowned under deeply knit brows at the tension thrumming through Oran, and he glanced up at me with red-rimmed, bloodshot eyes. “Don’t make the same mistakes. Trust your instincts, but also those around you. Even if it might not make sense, if you have an urge, follow it.”
“I had that same feeling she wasn’t right.” The tentative confession sent a shiver lodging between my shoulders blades, and suddenly, it all fell into place. Oran was so torn up because he could’ve prevented this. Just as I knew he would, he’d be so screwed up that he wouldn’t stay. As much as this was a victory for me professionally, it was a failure personally, and those two clashed viciously in my chest. “I thought I could break her hard enough, but I failed. I thought I was able to rewrite anything the way I wanted it, and I was wrong.”
“Sometimes, we’re wrong. I know that I haven’t exactly treated Valerie with the respect and consideration she deserves lately because I thought that I was protecting her, that I knew what was better when I really didn’t. It’s a learning curve, brother. That’s all. There’s always room for improvement.” My own guilt over the situation bled into my tone, and Oran gulped harshly as he exhaled a shuddering breath. “We’re not perfect, and we can’t think we are. People get hurt, physically or emotionally. We have to prevent that, right?”
“Yeah.” He sniffed hard, standing up slowly to rub his face and up into his hair with trembling fingers, and I released his shoulders to brace myself on my desk. “I’m going to go now, Carlyle.”
“I hope you find what you’re looking for, Oran. I really, truly do.” I don’t know what I was expecting, but Oran wrapped his arms around me and squeezed. Gingerly following suit, my cheek twitched when one of his tears seared down my neck and under my collar. He was hot, but his hands were cold, and I patted his back firmly before he drew back and nodded a jerk of his head.
“Okay.” Just as solemn and heavy-footed, Oran slunk out of my office, and I cocked my head at the closed door while my brain stalled. Did that really just happen? Did Oran, who had a beef with me for being born first, just bow out? Granted, the push I gave him was a hard one, but I didn’t expect him to react so early or so gracefully.
It gave me some hope that he’d better himself, and that opened up a window I hadn’t considered . . . maybe ever.
Having a brother, not a subordinate.
“What a concept.” Murmuring to myself, I shook my head in an effort to jolt my brain into working again, and a sigh deflated my chest. “Mateo’s next.”
“I’m glad I got that moment.” Glancing over at the sofa as Valerie sketched furiously, I frowned under furrowed brows at the concentration on her face. I’d forgotten she was here, and she scrunched up her face in an effort to draw exactly what she’d seen.
“I forgot you were here for a second. That was surprising— I didn’t expect him to withdraw so easily.” Wandering back around my desk, I couldn’t help the slight twinge of embarrassment stinging my chest. I had specifically talked about her, and she was sitting right there. Humming softly, Valerie didn’t look up from her pad, and I sat down to wiggle the mouse on the screen.
“You always talk about your siblings like you’re all at war with each other. Sometimes, you’re on the same side, but different factions, and other times, you’re on opposite sides completely. I think it was really important that you and Oran reached some sort of middle ground.” If she was flattered that I’d mentioned her, Valerie didn’t show it in her tone. She sounded proud, and I smiled at the faint reflection of myself on the screen. “Have you and Oran always been at odds like that?”
“Yeah. I suppose there were ways I could’ve helped the situation. I never wanted him around. I prefer working alone. It probably didn’t help that Mateo was the youngest, and Sonja was the only girl. It probably felt like Oran, and I competed a lot to be the best because those two spots were taken.” My voice thickened thoughtfully, but I shook my head as I leaned back in my chair to sigh heavily. “I don’t know what’ll happen. It’s kind of exciting.”
“It was a nice speech, Carlyle.” Smiling lightly, I turned my gaze to Valerie fully as she scribbled away, her lips thinned in concentration. “It’s always important to recognize your faults.”
“Thank you.” The conversation stalled, but I didn’t try to revive it as she worked furiously. She was such a good artist— with people, particularly— and I stood up to walk over to the sofa. Sitting down leisurely, I stretched my legs and flung an arm over the back of the couch, and the tiredness of the last few days hit me hard.
“If you need to talk about what happened, Valerie, I’ll listen.” She paused at my mumble, and I closed my eyes to sink into the thick cushions before her pencil scratching the page filled my ears. Of course, she was right— just knowing she was here, in the same room, despite not actively doing something together, was very nice.
“I don’t want to talk about it, but thanks. Honestly, I haven’t thought about it that much. It’s kinda surreal, almost like it didn’t happen. I’d like to keep it that way.” Rubbing the smooth curve of her back under her shirt, I hummed softly, the steady beat of her heart never wavering under my palm. “I’d rather fool myself into thinking she’s still out there, ignoring me and ruining herself.”
“Alright.” I mean, I could understand that, to a point. Valerie’s mother had shredded their lives with a hacksaw, and once she had disappeared, the world was right again. That didn’t mean she had to be dead— she just had to be gone. Where and how and why were meaningless, and Valerie hadn’t actually seen where the gunshot went.
For all she knew, I’d dumped her in New York City.
“Boss! Boss . . . boss . . . boss!” Bursting into my office, Carl zoomed to the bookshelf to grab the TV remote, and I arched a brow as he called me breathlessly. “It’s all over the news, about the bomb and how it’s connected to those gangbangers dropping like flies. Those guys Oran sent invitations to really work fast.”
“I knew they would. They’re professionals, and it’s quite a lot of money when it racks up.” Twenty-five thousand dollars a head was an average price, to be honest, but there were a lot of Baron Ninety-Nine members just waiting around to be killed. Carl flicked on the news, and I cracked my eyes open to watch a video of the flaming, smoking ruins of one of Pedro’s warehouses.
Valerie paused her drawing to watch the news anchor, and I felt her head stutter against my hand.That’s right. She didn’t know about this.
“They’re calling it gang warfare, but those detectives down there must realize it’s way too clean, right?” The shot of the warehouse zoomed out to a generic cop badge symbol, and I nodded firmly. “You think they’re gonna do anything about it?”
“I doubt it. It’s one less gang in a city being overrun with drugs.” Just as I answered, there was an urgent report, and the frazzled news anchorwoman glanced past the camera. “Even if they have their suspicions, they’re not going to find anything to the contrary. Baron Ninety-Nine has two choices at this point— go underground or keep dying. At least they’re finally getting the attention they want.”
“Yeah, you know, I heard from Pedro when I was driving him to the airport. He called someone and basically told them to rip apart known hangouts on the other side of the border. He’s mad pissed, man.” Inhaling deeply, I only shook my head at that because what Pedro did on his own turf wasn’t my business, but I was glad he was angry.
It’d give him less incentive to let anyone fuck him over again, and thus stay off my radar. There wasn’t much more he could hand me if he landed in my sights again . . . except his life, of course.
I’m sure it’ll come down to that, eventually.
