Illya
“Theo.” Leaning on the door frame, Theo smirked at me, and I pursed my lips thinly as I hid my hand behind the door. “What’s up? I have to go to work in a little while.”
“I came by to see if you were hungry. It worked out pretty well before, so I thought I’d try again.” Surprise rose my brows, and I tightened my grip on the can in my hand as he scanned me through narrowed eyes. “You haven’t dyed your hair yet.”
“Um . . . not yet. I was just about to start.” Rocking back on my heels when Theo leaned toward me, I held my breath, and suspicion flitted across his expression. “It’s a bit of a process, so . . . ”
Trailing off, I saw the exact second he decided something was up, and Theo leaned in uncomfortably close to my neck and sniffed. His narrowed pupils tightened, and the can in my hand started to cramp my palm even as I flexed my fingers around it.
“Why are you nervous?” Without letting me take a breath in preparation, Theo shouldered past me, and I shut the door quickly to lean against it. The spoon in my can rattled slightly, and my heart jumped into my throat when he braced both his palms on either side of my head. “What are you hiding?”
The fine hairs on the back of my neck stood up as he scanned me again, slowly, and I clamped my mouth shut. I got the sense Theo didn’t think something stupid— like I had a guy in my apartment— but he knew something was up. Reaching down to grab my wrist, he squeezed almost threateningly, and that action sucked the fight from me.
Blustering out a sigh, I unveiled the can from behind my back, and Theo tensed as embarrassment engulfed my face in flames. The little can burned my palm, and I ducked my head as confusion welled up in my chest.Why was I ashamed? I wasn’t doing anything wrong.
“I— is that . . . cat food? Were youeatingthat?” Disgust roughened Theo’s tone, and I nodded dully as his muscles played under his shirt out of the top of my field of vision. He recoiled with a harsh grunt, and shock jolted through me when he smacked the can out of my hand. The metal and plastic clattered to the floor loud and abrasive, and I gasped when he wrapped his good hand in my hair.
Suddenly, his finger was in my mouth, and my stomach flipped when Theo held down my tongue. Gagging harshly, tears sprung to my eyes, but he just held down my head until my teeth banged against his single, lonely knuckle. Slapping at his chest, panic fueled my racing heart, and I arched sharply when bile sloshed up my throat.
I’d nearly finished that can, and it all came spewing out onto the floor as weakness shook my knees. Saliva dribbled from my mouth, a dazed sort of panic gripping my lungs in a vice, and the sounds of my gagging filled my apartment. Theo ripped his hand from down my throat, and I grappled his t-shirt as I threw up on his shoes.
“That’s fucking disgusting!” His gruff snarl rippled across my hallowed face, and I pushed him hard enough to knock myself back. Hitting the floor hard, my scalp ached from his grip, and I scooted back as my watery eyes wandered until they met his. His gaze shimmered with conviction and disgust and all manner of nasty things, and I hiccupped as he ran his good hand over his head in agitation. “What the fuck, Illya!”
Theo took a step toward me, and I whipped over to crawl toward the bathroom as harsh pants dried my throat. Whimpering pathetically, I tried to wrap my head around what just happened as I slammed the door shut and blocked it with my body. Suddenly, I was kinda glad that my bathroom was small, and I braced myself against the door with my feet flat against the low rim of the shower.
“Illya, open the damn door.”
“No!” Covering my face with violently trembling hands, I croaked out from beneath my palms, and he banged on the door hard. My heart stuttered with each impact, and my breath hitched at the notion that he could just kick the barrier in. “S-stop . . . stop . . . why would youdothat?”
He really just made me throw up. It didn’t even really hurt despite the acid gnawing through my throat. My rasp was met with silence, and I struggled to fill my lungs as my heart gorged on adrenaline. Tears ran in rivers down my face and between my fingers, and I shivered against the door as short, hot breaths whistled through chattering teeth.
“The fuck kind of question is that? You were eatingcat food! What the fuck is wrong with you, Illya!” Theo punched the door, but his words hurt more than the rattling of my spine from the impact. “Why the fuck wouldyoudo that, huh? Open the damn door!”
Why would I do that? Because I was hungry, and I had no food in my house, and I didn’t want to buy anything. I simply didn’t have money this week, but I did have cat food because they were twenty cents a can. Two or three, here and there, wasn’t a huge deal, and they held me over when I was in a pinch.
Plus, I’d been eating them for a long enough time that it tasted good— not just not bad. When I had nothing else, I could always,always,afford a can of cat food.
“Go away, Theo. I’m not coming out.” My shaky declaration only earned the poor door another punch, and I winced when my knee bent awkwardly from the pressure. There was no lock— I had to use my whole body to keep the barrier closed, and I sniffled hard from behind my hands. I hadn’t seen Theo in a few days. I’d assumed that he was dealing with Mateo and Sylvie, and I just went about my business as usual.
But I was not making good tips by any means right now. I couldn’t do anything about it, either. Roge didn’t pay us or give out small loans or I-O-Us. If there was a lull, we had to suck it up and deal.
“Open the God damn door, Illya.” Growling through the slight gap between the door and the frame, Theo cleared his throat roughly, expectantly. I didn’t move, didn’t dare take a breath, and he snorted like a bull waiting to be let out of the stall and wreak havoc. “Open the door, Illya.”
“N-no . . . I’m not coming out.” Gulping harshly, I exhaled a shuddering breath, and I could hear Theo pacing just beyond the door. “Go away. J-just go away.”
“Likefuck!” My heart made a bid to burst from my chest when Theo banged on the door— higher, this time, far above my head. Wincing as he panted through the crack, I lowered my hands to keep my rib from splitting open. “Why did you just tell me you were strapped for cash? I would’ve helped you out, Illya.”
“Why would you?” Bitterness dribbled from my tongue, and an ugly, black blotch slathered along my ribs. “This is my life, Theo. You can’t just walk up and bang on it, and it’ll start working right.”
“It works for everything else.” Grinding the reply through his teeth, Theo exhaled a muffled, heavy breath through the crack in the door, and I flopped my head back to rub my clammy palms on my jeans. “Just . . . open the door. We’ll get you real—human— food, Illya.”
Despite my better judgment, the block I’d made of my own body to keep the barrier closed crumpled, and I pulled my knees to my chin. The tender skin on my sides pulled and burned, and my eyelids fluttered closed briefly as I gulped down the saliva pooling under my tongue. Slowly standing up, I licked my lips as nerves tingled to the bridge of my nose.
Theo leaned on the frame when I popped open the barrier just an inch, and he glared hotly at me as his jaw worked. Reaching to wipe my mouth, I frowned into the deafening silence before he forced his mouth open with a slight, faintpop.
“Do you think I’d hang it over you or something?” I shook my head mutely, and Theo sighed harshly through flared nostrils to bristle the fine hairs on my face. “Why would you resort to eating cat food instead of asking me for help?”
“Cat food is cheap, and, to be honest, I’ve been eating it so long that it’s pretty good, actually. I don’t do it a lot, but when I’m in a pinch.” He covered his mouth at my confession, rocking back on his heels to brandish his tense shoulders. The thick ropes of muscle in his arm rippled with power, and my heart throbbed at the tortured glint in his eye.
“Why are you worried about money?”
“I have to pay for everything by myself. The third is coming up, and Sylvie’s not exactly gonna pay her half this month.” The truth was that I’d been so caught in that drama, and with Theo, that I’d lost track of the days. I’d missed three days of work, and I was going to be short on rent by a good two hundred dollars. Thankfully, my electric bill was barely seventy-five dollars, and I didn’t have anything else, really, but that minimalism didn’t help my astronomical rent. “My rent is twelve hundred dollars for this place, and I don’t have it. That’s why I’m going to work early, too.”
“You pay twelve hundred dollars to live in this shitstain? What the fuck, Illya?” Theo’s anger peaked again, and I pursed my lips thinly as he squeezed his eyes shut and took a stabilizing breath. Physical pain flickered across his face, and he cleared his throat roughly before rolling his shoulders hard. “Get ready for work. I’ll order you something. For fuck’s sake. And use mouthwash.”
