The dark fear of poverty would never leave her. It went bone deep, and he needed to know that. She drew her knees up beneath her gown. “Then I met you.”
She reached out a hand to him, wondering if he would understand what she needed from him. But he didn’t take it.
“You thought I was the same as your father.”
“No, that wasn't the reason. I was afraid. The baron gave us a place to stay when we’d lost all our belongings. After the trouble he went to, finding a good match for me . . . it wasn’t possible to say no. Regardless of how I felt about you.”
She let him see her tears, baring her fears and lost dreams before him. “I hated myself for refusing you. But I had no right to choose my heart’s desire. Not when I had to provide for my sister.”
“You should have trusted me,” he argued.
She shook her head. “You don’t know what it’s like, Dougal. To go hungry, wondering if you’ll ever eat again. To watch your family starve before your eyes.”
“You’re wrong.” He stood, his mood growing darker. “When I was twelve, I had to steal food from the kitchens when they forgot about me.”
She said nothing, but this was a side to him she hadn’t known about.
“My mother was too busy to worry about me. My father was dead and my brothers were prisoners. It was up to her to lead the defense of the fortress, and she grew tired of the fighting. She left me when I was fourteen. I know how it feels to be left behind. To not know if anyone will take care of you.”
She stood up and walked toward him. He kept his back to her, but she didn’t want him to push her away. Not now.
Instead, she stood behind him and reached for his hand. This time, he didn’t pull away when she squeezed it in silent understanding. Right now, she wanted to lean against him once more, to feel his strong arms around her. To pretend for a moment that he would guard her from any foe. Especially those that haunted her from the past.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, resting her cheek against his back. He didn’t move away, which offered a fragile hope.
“What do you want from me, Celeste? Am I to help you steal your sister away and bring you both to safety?”
She could not tell him the truth, that she had originally hoped to conceive a child and remain at Eiloch. Now that she realized it was such a foolish idea, she had discarded it entirely. “I don’t know the answers, Dougal. But I cannot live in peace with the new Lord Eiloch and his wife .”
“They want you to die.”
“I think so, yes. And my sister is still there.” She couldn’t suppress a shudder, feeling utterly helpless.
He said nothing for a long time, the fire being the only crackling noise to break the stillness. “Go to the shelter,” he said at last. “Sleep, and I’ll think of what we can do.”
She took his other hand in hers. “There is space enough for both of us.”
Tonight was the first time they’d taken a step toward forgiveness. It seemed that he was now willing to help her, that perhaps he saw the reasons behind the choices she’d made.
She wanted to lie beside him tonight, to feel the warmth of his body close. And if Dougal were to join her within the space, she could not deny what might happen between them.
But as she lay down within the small shelter, he continued to sit by the fire, remaining far away from her.
The temptation beckoned to him, to enter the shelter and share the space. But after Celeste’s confession, he needed time to reconsider everything. She’d come back to him, seeking help. And though he might want to deny it, the old feelings were still there, buried beneath the years of separation.
She had cared for him, even though she’d wed Lord Eiloch. He sensed that it had been a painful decision, one she hadn’t wanted to make. But it infuriated him that she hadn’t even been willing to try. She’d judged him based on the poverty she saw and had decided he could offer her no future.
It pricked him like a thorn digging into his pride. You weren’t good enough for her, came the voice of reason.
But she’d made the choice out of fear. Not because she hadn’t cared. And that changed the face of his anger.
Celeste was watching him from within the primitive shelter, resting her face upon one hand. “Are you going to sit out there and freeze all night?”
“It’s nearly summer.” But she was right; the nights were cold. Given the choice, he would be far more comfortable within the shelter she’d built. Her body heat would be more than enough to warm him. Yet, he doubted if he could sleep beside her without touching her.
“I’ve already told you, there’s no reason to be afraid of sharing the shelter. We’ll both sleep easier.” She ventured a light smile, as if she had no idea what she was proposing.
Dougal didn’t trust himself. He was weary from last night’s frustration and another day of traveling. “Neither of us would get any sleep at all,” he predicted.
