“And?” He waited for her to say more.
“I’m not upset about the glass. I’m happy, truly.” She knotted her fingers together. “But I’m upset about the way you left me last night.” Her blue eyes were filled up with emotion, her face struggling to remain passive.
He didn’t know what to say to her. It wasn’t possible to dismiss the deception, for it had revealed a deeper fissure in their marriage. Even Nairna and Bram had known about the glassmaking before him, and it bruised his pride to know it.
“I don’t want us to go on like this,” she murmured. “It hurts too much.”
He didn’t know what she meant by that, but he didn’t like her words at all. It sounded as if she’d rather be alone than married to him.
“I don’t know what I’ve done to make you shut me out,” he said at last. “But you never talk to me. You tell me nothing of your thoughts, nothing of what it is you want.” He touched her gloved hand and pulled it off, uncovering her scarred hand. “I can’t read your secrets.”
“We don’t know each other any more, do we?” she whispered, her eyes filling up. “It’s not the same as it once was. And I don’t know how to change it.” She replaced the glove he’d removed and pulled the edges of her cloak around her.
She was right. Ever since David’s death, they’d become different people. They’d grown distant, leading separate lives within their marriage.
When she’d been shot with the arrow, it had been the awakening he’d needed. He’d let the years slip away from him, along with his wife. And he didn’t want that.
“We should go back,” Laren murmured. “It’s late, and I don’t want to leave Vanora with the girls for too long.”
Alex pulled back, uncertain of whether she was truly worried about the children or whether she didn’t want to be alone with him. “Before I take you back, I need to know something.”
Laren waited in silence, and he reached down for the nerve to speak the words he didn’t want to voice. “I know you never wanted to be Lady of Glen Arrin. But I can’t change my responsibilities as chief.”
She gave a nod, waiting for him to continue.
“You’re not happy here,” he stated. “Not with me. Not in this life.”
A tear spilled over from her eyes and, inside, he felt an answering emptiness. Alex kept his hands upon hers, demanding an answer. “Do you want to remain married to me, Laren?”
She was quiet for a long moment. It dug into his heart and he was afraid he already knew what she would say. Her silence cut him deeper than a sword, and he tried to shield the ache within.
At last, she answered, “I don’t know.”
The misery in her eyes left him without anything to say, hurting him worse that he’d imagined it could. And with that, she took long steps, leaving him behind.
Larendidn’tknowwhatthe right decision was any more. Her heart bled, for in spite of everything, she did love Alex. But she sensed that he was the one who wanted to end their marriage. He must have thought about it, to even voice the question.
The truth was, she didn’t want to be apart from him. Not at all. But he ought to have a wife who could lead at his side, someone confident who was a helpmate to him.
Now that her glass had sold, she would have to spend more time than ever with the furnaces. It would take months to make the pieces she needed. And after seeing Alex’s reaction last night, she didn’t believe he would support her decision. She simply didn’t fit his vision of a wife.
During the past three years, he hadn’t been the husband she’d needed, either. When they’d faced the worst moment of their lives, he’d abandoned her, leaving her to grieve alone. She resented the fact that he’d spent every moment with the clan instead of with her and their girls.
Laren wiped at her cheeks, reaching deep for the courage to mask her emotions. When her girls saw her, she didn’t want to answer any questions about why she was crying. Footsteps trailed her, but she didn’t look behind. She was too busy trying to hold back her feelings, to keep herself in control.
A hand reached for her arm and turned her. She nearly collided with Alex, who caught her in his arms. His expression was raw as he demanded, “What do you mean, you don’t know?”
She was so shocked by his sudden behavior that she couldn’t speak at first.
His hands came up to her face, threading his fingers into her hair. “After all these years, you don’t believe our marriage is worth fighting for?” In his eyes, she saw a fire that hadn’t been there before. It rekindled her courage and she took his hands in hers.
“It’s worth fighting for, aye. But I’m not the same woman you married, years ago. I’ll never be that girl again, because a part of me is buried on the hillside by the loch.” She let go of the tears then, gripping his palms tightly. “I can’t be shaped and forced into the woman you want me to be.”
She stripped away her gloves, letting them fall to the ground. “This is who I am, Alex.” She let go of his hands but remained in his arms.
“I never asked you to be someone else.” His breath was warm against her face and he was fighting to let her speak. “But I don’t know who you are now.”
“Do you want to?” she whispered.
