Alex removed the wet bandage and the poultice, but as his hands passed over her body she felt the fierce heat and a slight tremble in his palms.
He tore a length of cloth from his tunic and she eyed him ruefully. “I’ll have to mend that later.”
“I don’t care.” Gently, he adjusted the poultice against her wound and bound the new bandage around her waist. He kept the pressure tight, but not enough to hurt her. As his hands moved over her flesh, she couldn’t help but think of how long it had been since he’d last touched her.
Or since he’d kissed her.
His hands rested at the edges of the shift, when she realized he wasn’t going to touch her any more, Laren fumbled with her undergarment. Alex raised it to cover her breasts and then let her go. “You should be all right until the morn.”
“Thank you.” She hid her disappointment and crossed her arms over her body. When he stared at her, she didn’t have to feign a shiver.
“I’m not going to bother you,” he said, an edge in his tone. “I’m not so undisciplined that I would take you when you’re hurt.”
“I know it.” Even so, her face warmed with embarrassment, as if he’d read her thoughts. Then she realized that not once had she seen his own wound from the battle. “How is your arm?”
He pulled back the sleeve to bare a reddened gash. The edges were holding together, but when she examined his wound, she could feel the tension in his stance. “You shouldn’t have been lifting stones all day.”
“And what were you doing all day?” he parried back. She took a step back, for she hadn’t anticipated the question so soon.
She closed her eyes, seeking the right words to tell him about the glass. At last, she offered, “I have work of my own that I do. I—I make…things.” She waited for a heart-stopping moment, hoping he would ask what they were, that he would show interest in her.
“I know you’re good at weaving and sewing tapestries, Laren, but I need you to stand at my side, as Lady of Glen Arrin and my wife.”
She didn’t correct his assumption, but in his voice she heard the criticism, the disappointment in her.
When she remained silent, he continued talking. “I know you’re uncomfortable in front of so many people, but Nairna could help you. And once we’ve rebuilt the keep, the pair of you can work together to oversee it.”
“That’s not what I want.” The words blurted forth before she could stop them.
“We can’t go back to the way it was,” he said quietly. “I’m the chief now. I can’t turn my back on the MacKinloch clan.”
“I wouldn’t ask that of you.” Her heart felt leaden, and she needed him to understand. “But you’re asking me to be someone I’m not.”
“I’m asking you to try, for God’s sakes,” he shot back. “Hiding yourself away in a cavern isn’t the sort of life you should have.”
She didn’t bother to hide her tears, but he couldn’t see how he was breaking her apart. To him, being a leader was nothing more than making decisions and addressing the crowds. It was as natural to him as breathing. To her, it was like being carved apart by knives.
“We were happy before you were chief,” she whispered. “We had enough.”
“Even if I gave you a castle, it wouldn’t be enough, would it?” He raked his hand through his hair. “Laren, I don’t know what you want. I can’t read your mind.”
I want you to love me for the woman I am. Not the woman you want me to become.But she couldn’t say that. He’d never understand.
When the long silence stretched between them, Alex opened the flap to their tent. “I’m going to meet with Robert the Bruce in the spring. He might be able to help our clan recover from our losses if we swear fealty to him.”
“Our freedom in exchange for silver?” she mused. “To fight his battles against the English?”
“What choice do we have?”
“There’s always a choice.” She met his gaze and pleaded, “Don’t go to the Bruce yet. I’ll speak with Nairna and see if there are goods we can sell to earn a profit.”
“There’s nothing we have, Laren. Everything was burned.”
She didn’t argue with him for he would only ask questions if she denied it. On the morrow, she would ask Nairna to help her visit the parish of Inveriston, to try to sell her glass.
She envisioned a stone building facing east with the sun glimmering through one of her windows. The bejeweled colors would cast colored light upon the floor, inspiring the people.
The vision held her so tightly, she didn’t notice when Alex went inside the tent alone. And when she finally joined him, she forgot about the pain of her wound, she was so entranced by the vision of glass and light.
