How he wished he knew what to do. Nairna huddled on the edge of the mattress and it didn’t seem that she understood what he was talking about.
“Nairna,” he said quietly, “look at me.”
Clearly embarrassed, she blurted out, “I know I never pleased Iver. I thought there ought to be more, but I couldn’t feel things the way he could.”
“There’s nothing wrong with you. Only with him.” Even as he spoke the words, he felt his own apprehensions worsening. If her previous experience hadn’t been good, what made him think he’d be any better? He wanted to touch her, to explore her body and learn how to bring her to fulfilment. But she appeared so upset, he didn’t know how he would ever calm her anxiety.
He pulled her into his embrace, and Nairna rested her cheek against his chest. The tension in her body was unspoken, in the way she curled up, half-shielding herself.
If he’d had any experience with lovemaking, he might have been able to coax away her fears. But he didn’t. And it seemed wrong to push her when she was nearly in tears, thinking that she’d been a poor wife.
His hands moved over her nape, softly soothing away the knots. He wanted to distract her, to take her mind off her fears.
“Alex wants to leave in the morning to go after Callum,” he said.
Nairna looked up at him for a long moment, worry lurking in her green eyes. “I didn’t realize it would be so soon.” She caught his hand in hers. “I wish you would stay.”
“You know I can’t.” Though his fighting skills were weakened, he held the knowledge that would get them safely inside and out again.
The Earl of Cairnross, Gilbert de Bouche, had kept the prisoners chained belowground, bringing them out to construct thicker walls or to expand the fortress.
What Cairnross didn’t know was that Bram and the other prisoners had created weaknesses in the structure at various points. They’d even left one hidden portion of the outer curtain wall with loose stones. Bram knew exactly where the unmortared segment was, and that weakness would allow them to slip inside the fortress to free the prisoners.
“I can get the men inside to rescue Callum,” he said. “And if they follow my lead, they can take him out before the English even know we’re there.”
Nairna rested her hands behind her head. “Do you really want to go back to Cairnross after what they did to you?” Her eyes met his, holding a thousand questions he didn’t want to answer.
He blocked out the memories, refusing to let the past interfere with what he had to do. Getting Callum out was all that mattered. “I’ve no choice.”
“How long will you be gone?” she asked.
“It will take four days to reach Lord Cairnross’s fortress, if we ride hard. Then four days back again.”
He rolled onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. His head pounded with an oncoming ache, and he felt his hands beginning to shake again. He took one breath, then another, trying to still the tremor. But he could no more control his trembling hands than he could stop his heart from beating. It slashed at his pride, and he hated that she was seeing him like this.
Nairna touched a cool hand to his forehead. “It’s all right, Bram,” she whispered. “If you’re to make this journey, you need rest.”
“I don’t sleep, Nairna. It’s not something I can do anymore.”
“Try.” She brought her fingers over his eyelids and he shut them, breathing in the soft fragrance of her skin. Though his mind refused to remain still while troubled with thoughts of Callum, his wife’s touch brought him comfort.
And though he wished, more than anything, that Nairna’s presence could take away the nightmares, he doubted if it would ever happen.
“I never thought I’d be sending you off to fight again,” she said, her hand resting over his eyes as if she could will him to sleep.
As he lay unmoving beneath the butterfly touch of her fingers, a slight note of uneasiness pulled at him. There was always a risk involved with any fight. Before he’d brought Nairna back with him, he hadn’t cared about his own fate. If he died in the battle, so be it.
But now he had a reason to come back.
Though he kept his eyes closed, Nairna knew Bram wasn’t sleeping. She shivered, remembering the tales she’d heard of Lord Cairnross. It was rumored that he had been sent by the English King Edward, not to ally with the Scots, but to execute them.
Some believed Cairnross had used the black arts to build his fortresses, for no one knew how he’d accomplished so much, so quickly. It was clear now that he’d done so with the blood and sweat of his captives.
And Bram had been one of his slaves.
Though Nairna tried to distance herself, she worried about her husband’s quest to find Callum. She didn’t want to watch him ride away or relive the anguish if he never came back. She gripped the coverlet, her eyes burning. Tonight, he’d touched her intimately, evoking such feelings that she’d found it impossible to remain unaffected. She wanted to take care of him again, to push back the years to the bride she’d been long ago.
But the man was so different from the boy. There were needs he held now that went beyond food or sleep. It was as if he needed her more than nourishment or water.
