She steadied her breathing, letting her mind drift. It might be pleasant, if Bram’s kiss was any indication. And she wasn’t a maiden who would be terrified of the joining. There was nothing that should frighten her.
But something about Bram made her pulse quicken, and her body ached in secret ways. She overheard more raucous jokes about sex, and though she knew the men meant no harm, it was making her more nervous. She couldn’t stop wondering what it would be like with Bram.
Before she could calm herself, he returned. “Alex has found a place for us. We’ll go now and rest.”
Rest? From the hungry look in his eyes, it seemed that sleep was the last thing on his mind.
Breathe, she reminded herself. It’s nothing more than sharing his bed. But her nerves tightened at the thought of lying naked beneath him.
As he led her through the crowd, the men cheered. When some of them tried to follow, Bram sent them a threatening look.
“If you’re needing any advice, lad—”
“I don’t.” He pointed for the men to return. “Go back to your ale and leave me with my bride.”
“Give her a kiss from us!” Ross offered, making puckering noises.
Nairna wanted nothing more than to escape their teasing. Though they meant well, she needed no more reminders about what would happen tonight.
“Alex said we could sleep in one of the storage shelters,” Bram said, leading her outside. “There’s no bed, I’m afraid.”
It was better than sleeping in the keep amid the dogs, Nairna thought. “I brought a mattress,” she reminded him. “We could fetch it from the wagon, along with blankets.”
“I’ll get it.” Pointing to one of the wattle-and-daub huts, he told her, “We’ll stay here tonight and then find a place of our own in the morning.”
Before he left her, he slid a hand around her waist. “Nairna, I promise it will be all right. I won’t hurt you.” He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead before he turned to walk back to the wagon. She held on to her waist, feeling as though his lips had burned a mark into her skin.
She was restless about the forthcoming night. To distract herself, she entered the grain hut. Inside, it smelled musty and damp. Sacks of barley and corn lay stacked in a corner, both food stores and seed for next year.
The structure was rectangular, perhaps eight feet wide. It looked more suited to horses, but Nairna supposed it was better than sleeping out in the open.
Her skin turned cold, the nervous energy rising higher. Lie still, she reminded herself. Submit to him and let him do as he pleases.
She wasn’t afraid of lovemaking, only of disappointing Bram. Whenever Iver had shared her bed, her husband’s thoughts were distant, his movements a cold duty. And when time went on, and she still hadn’t become pregnant, there had seemed little point in the act.
But tonight could be different. She prayed that, somehow, Bram could give her the child she wanted so desperately. Her hands moved down to her stomach, the wistful longing filling her up inside.
When Bram returned, he set down her mattress, dumping a load of blankets atop it. He stopped to look at her, his faded tunic looking pale in the moonlight.
Dark brown eyes stared into hers, leaving no doubt of his needs. And yet there was a tangible distance, almost as if he didn’t want her to know him, or guess at his thoughts.
His muscles strained as he lifted several sacks of grain to block out the wind from the crevices of the shelter. As he moved, Nairna realized that, although he was thinner, there was no mistaking his strength from the hard labor he’d endured.
She studied the reddened, raised scars encircling his throat. They revealed the mark of an iron band that must have rested around his neck. Though the abrasions were starting to heal, the scar would remain.
After he’d finished moving the sacks of grain, Bram removed his tunic, baring his shoulders. Though he was thin, his lean muscles caught her eye. The urge to touch his skin came over her, though she suppressed it.
Nairna turned around, trying to loosen her gown. Bram came up behind her and helped to lift the woollen garment away, leaving her dressed in her shift. Her body grew cold from the chilled air and she hugged herself to keep warm. With one hand, she unravelled the bandage from her wrist, letting the strip of cloth fall to the floor.
With Bram so close, she couldn’t help but see the massive scarring upon his body. It was monstrous to think of what they must have done to him.
“Does it hurt?” she asked, reaching to touch the whitened skin.
“It’s mostly healed.”
That wasn’t a no. She worried about whether or not he was in pain. He might not tell her, even if he was.
Bram’s mouth rested beside her ear, his hot breath taking her thoughts apart. She could almost feel the heat of his bare skin and it both fascinated her and frightened her. She couldn’t stop her intake of breath when his kiss grazed the line of her jaw.
