“If you don’t want to be with me, I understand,” she managed. Shame poured through her for even asking this of him.
He was hesitant, choosing his words carefully. “It’s not what I had intended.” He sat down on the bed and took his shoes off. “I think it’s better if I leave you alone.”
An unexpected tangle of frustration balled up in her stomach. She’d steeled herself to do this, to face her greatest fear. The last thing she’d expected was for him to turn her down.
“Fine,” she lied. “That’s fine, then.”
Was it so wrong to hope that he’d give in to the flush of desire both of them had felt last night? Why did he have to suddenly behave with honor?
This morn, she’d confessed everything to Aileen. She’d released all the painful nightmares she’d held inside, and the healer had hugged her tightly. Then Aileen had said that Trahern could heal the wounds no one else could see. That if Morren asked anything of him, he would not turn her away.
And yet, he had.
“I’ve hurt your feelings, haven’t I?” His deep voice held pity, and it was beginning to irritate her.
She stood up and walked towards the bed. “No. That’s not it.” Before he could say anything patronizing, she spilled out her thoughts. “I wanted to forget about what was done to me. And I thought you could . . . help me to overcome my fear of . . . joining with a man.”
Though she could hardly believe she was telling him all of this, she couldn’t seem to stop herself. “You wanted me last night. You told me all the things you wanted to do.”
Her skin was alive with a blend of fear and desire. Trahern was staring at her, as though he didn’t know what to say or do. Driven by shame, Morren blurted the rest out. “I know this isn’t a lasting arrangement, but I thought that maybe, you could—“ She stopped speaking, feeling like an utter fool. “Forget what I said. It was a bad idea.”
But Trahern hadn’t taken his eyes from her. There was definite interest there, but she sensed the conflicted feelings. “I haven’t been with a woman in a very long time,a chara.”
“Oh.” It seemed a ridiculous thing to say, but she could think of nothing better.
“I don’t want you to hold regrets,” he added.
She let out a sigh, shrugging. “It doesn’t matter.” She tried to convince herself that the words were true. It was just as well, for she probably couldn’t have gone through with it. And yet, unexpected regret spread through her.
“Don’t look at me like that. I’m trying to do what’s right.” His voice was grim, and she tried to force away her hurt feelings.
“I liked it better when you weren’t thinking,” she admitted. “I liked kissing you. It was nice.” She sat beside him on the bed, one foot tucked under her.
“Nice?” There was a dry tone to his voice, as if she’d insulted him.
“Well, yes.” Was he hoping for another compliment? “You’re very good at kissing.”
Trahern eyed her for a moment before he lifted his tunic away, baring hardened skin. She saw the outline of pectoral muscles and a tight stomach. The startling instinct to touch him came over her without warning, but she held her hands back.
He’s only undressing because he plans to sleep, she told herself.Not because he wants something else.
Her pulse beat wildly like a primitive drum. His gray eyes studied her, and beneath his gaze, she grew flushed. Second thoughts collided with her courage, and now she wished she’d never spoken.
To distract herself from her embarrassment, she removed her overdress, leaving herléineon. The form-fitting gown hid every part of her body, and yet, she shivered as Trahern watched her. She supposed she’d get warmer when she was beneath the coverlet.
But sleep would be impossible now.
“Come here, Morren,” he murmured, “and I’ll kiss you goodnight.” It was a way of pacifying her while still setting boundaries.
Before she could say another word, his mouth touched hers lightly. It was more than the brush of their lips, but it wasn’t the captivating kiss that had stolen her wits yestereve. She leaned in, her hands resting upon his heartbeat.
Trahern shuddered, and she pulled her palms away, afraid she’d trespassed.
“No,” he murmured, putting her hands back. “It’s all right.”
Her hands moved tentatively, unsure of herself. But he fascinated her, with his honed muscles and warm, smooth skin. Her palms moved down his chest, over his rib cage and down to his waist. A breath escaped him, and Trahern’s gaze grew heated. He tempted her in ways she didn’t understand.
He laid down on his stomach, baring his back to her. “Lie down beside me,” he offered. A hesitant smile lifted his mouth. “And if you want to keep touching me, I’ll not complain.”
