Honora was so caught up in the idea, she didn’t notice Ewan’s approach until his shadow fell over her. Her pulse quickened at the sight of him. His face was haggard, as though he hadn’t slept well. She supposed he mirrored her own discontent.
“I came to apologize for what I did yesterday.” In his hand, he carried a gray and white striped kitten. The tiny feline let out a tiny mew, and Ewan passed it to her. “And I thought you might want to give this lad a home, since your sister cannot care for him.”
Honora reached out to touch the silky fur, and the kitten mewed again, arching its head against her hand. Her heart softened at the sight of the creature. “I accept your apology. It was my fault as much as yours.”
He didn’t meet her gaze, but his shoulders relaxed slightly. He sat back, his wrist resting upon his raised knee. Neither spoke, and Honora played with the kitten, not wanting to risk the tentative truce.
The animal began climbing up her bliaud, sinking its baby claws into the blue fabric of her gown. Honora lifted it into her hands and finally asked the question she feared most. “Have you spoken to my sister?”
“No. I’ve not seen her since our visit to the ruins.” Ewan grew solemn, his eyes turning troubled. “But I am going to wed her.”
Honora ran her fingers over the garden dirt, pretending his words didn’t matter. They shouldn’t, not at all. She knew Ewan needed Katherine’s dowry lands in Ireland. His decision was a practical one, and he would be kind to her sister.
“It will be a good match,” she managed, though her throat seemed swollen with so many other things she wanted to say. “I hope you both find happiness together.”
He stared at her, his eyes seeing past her shield. “You’re lying to me.”
“And what if I am?” Honora shot back. “Does it matter? My sister has everything you want. She has the land, the beauty, and she will have no difficulty caring for the estates.”
Unlike me.Irrational, unreasonable tears were filling up her eyes, and Honora wrenched another weed out of the soil, trying to force her anger onto the plant.
Their mother had died when she was just a girl, and there had been no one to show her how to manage Ardennes. In time, Katherine had taken command of the household with the help of the seneschal. Her sister had taught her a little about the estates, but it wasn’t nearly enough.
“Katherine doesn’t have everything I want,” Ewan said quietly. “But it will have to be enough.”
The words were not a comfort. Instead, they pierced her as surely as a blade through her heart. Honora dried her eyes on the sleeve of her gown. “Don’t say it.”
“It was like kissing a little sister,” he continued. “Nothing at all like what it was between us.”
“Why are you telling me this?” Was he trying to hurt her more? Ewan had been her friend for so long, she couldn’t let that ground shift from beneath her.
“If circumstances were different—“
“They aren’t.” Honora knew better than to let herself believe he might have chosen her. “My lands are tied up with John’s. I can’t give you the land you need. And I couldn’t be the sort of wife you’d want.”
“I don’t know what your husband did to you, to make you believe that.” He took her hand in his, the large palm covering her fingers. “You’re a desirable woman, Honora.”
Now Ewan was the one who was lying. Ranulf had chastised her for being a cold wife, a woman incapable of giving him comfort. She’d been as useless in the marriage bed as she’d been in their home.
No, marriage was a prison, nothing more.
Her hand closed over an oak seedling, and she yanked the wayward tree out of the herbal bed. “Go to my sister,” she bade Ewan.
He took her palm and raised it to his lips, in a gesture of farewell. The touch of his mouth on her skin sent a ripple of warmth through her body. “I don’t want to lose your friendship, Honora. In spite of what happened.”
She didn’t answer, though she felt like weeping. Instead, she spent the next few minutes weeding the garden, letting her thoughts stray.
Her father expected her to remarry. She would have to choose from among the remaining suitors, as soon as Katherine arranged the betrothal with Ewan.
Right now, she wanted to flee Ardennes, to protect her fragile freedom. But she couldn’t, for if she did, Nicholas would not allow Katherine to wed Ewan. Her father was just stubborn enough to carry out his threat.
Honora no longer knew what to do.
Lord, please, no,she prayed. Her only hope was to plead with her father not to force her to remarry. There had to be a way to change his mind so Katherine could wed.
When the last weed was gone, Honora rose to her feet and turned to leave. She nearly stumbled at the sight of John approaching.
Fair-haired, with a burgundy tunic and chausses, he wore a silver chain to denote his rank.
