But he stopped her, holding her wrists firm. And shook his head. “I’ve already touched you, far more than I should have.”
He wrapped her tightly into his arms, holding her close. The aching inside cracked apart as she wept. It was almost worse, knowing what she was giving up. Her heart was raw, while the thought of living without him was unbearable.
“I don’t want to stay behind,” she whispered.
“I’m not the kind of man you should be with,a mhuírnín.“ He eased himself into a seated position, closing his eyes slightly with the pain from his ribs.
The words were a physical blow. It took all of her strength to hold herself together. “I can’t change the way I feel. And I wouldn’t want to.”
Taking a deep breath, she rearranged her gown. “Where will you go?”
He adjusted his own clothing and rose to his feet. “Wherever I can find a place for myself.”
“You should return to your family. Let them know you are alive.”
He lifted his belongings from the leather sack upon the ground. “They would rather see me dead.”
“Why?”
He leaned against one of the trees, silent for a while. For so long he had held his secrets from her.
“I’d like to know the truth,” she said, touching his shoulder. “If it would ease your pain . . .”
“I don’t need your pity, Iseult. Let it be.”
He was closing himself off to her, and she fought against it. “It doesn’t matter what happened in the past. I know your family would want to see you again.” She drew back, and added, “Just as I would give anything to see Aidan.”
His green eyes softened, and he wiped another tear from her cheek. “I’ll find him for you, Iseult. Your son.”
She grew still, her heart beating a little faster. His offer was not made lightly. She sensed that he would not stop until the answers were found. “What if he’s dead?”
“If he is, I’ll let you know it.” He reached into his pouch and pulled out a piece of wrapped linen. “I should have given this to you earlier, but it wasn’t finished. Perhaps you’d like it now.”
She accepted the linen and felt something hard within it. Pulling back the cloth, she revealed a wood carving of a child’s face. Her hands shook as she studied the boy. It wasn’t Aidan, but the carving represented all she had lost.
“Thank you.” She pressed it to her heart. It meant everything, holding something he’d made with his own hands. She didn’t know why he’d carved it, but the piece touched her deeply.
“You must return to the ringfort,” he said. “They’ll be looking for you.”
“I know.” She reached up and straightened his tunic. “Be safe, Kieran. May God watch over you.”
He regarded her with an intense solemnity. “I meant what I said. Let your mind be at ease, and do not search for Aidan. If your son is anywhere to be found, I’ll seek him for you.”
“Why?” The terrible emptiness, the fear of never seeing him again caught in her throat. “He isn’t your son.”
He leaned down, touching his forehead to hers. “Because he’s your heart. And it’s something I can give you.”
She gripped him fiercely, and their mouths tangled in one last kiss.
“Farewell,a mhuirnín.”
Chapter Fifteen
Iseultwalkedalongsidethemare, leading the animal back to the ringfort. She had no desire to go any faster. Kieran was truly gone this time, and there were not enough tears to ease the pain she felt. Worst of all, she had to face Davin.
She couldn’t think of anything to say to him. Her skin chilled, and she stopped a moment, resting her head against the mare’s back. Though she hated hurting him, it was right to end the betrothal.
Her lips felt tender from Kieran’s kiss, her body still lush with warmth. Would to God she could ride toward him and leave everything else behind.
