Paul swayed to his feet, rubbing the back of his head from where Cain had knocked him senseless. “You’re right, Sinclair. We should raise a toast to the bride and to my last night as an unwed man.” Eyeing Mr. Kinlark, he added, “Well, you’re coming then, aren’t you?”
The elderly man muttered something that sounded like a prayer to Jesus for strength.
The next morning, Juliette ushered Paul into the parlor, where they could speak alone. Although her belongings were still packed upstairs, it felt as if all her plans had been uprooted.
“There’s been… a complication,” she told him. After she explained what Strathland had said, she ended with, “I can’t leave London now. Not when the earl is threatening to tell the world about Matthew.”
Strathland had tightened the chains around her in a way she could not escape. She saw the flash of displeasure on Paul’s face and realized that he didn’t understand. He didn’t have any children of his own and could not possibly know what it meant.
“That’s what he’s wanting from you, Juliette,” Paul told her quietly. “And that’s precisely why you canna stay.”
She started to argue with him, but he cut her off. “He’s only guessing about Matthew. If you leave, he has no proof of anything.”
“And if I walk away, he’ll destroy Matthew’s future by claiming he’s a bastard. I can’t let that happen.”
“It’s no’ your responsibility.”
“I’m hismother,” she insisted. Of course it was her responsibility. Though she’d given him into the care of her aunt and uncle, she would cut off her right arm to keep him safe.
“You don’t understand,” she said softly. His face was impassive, but in his blue eyes, she saw frustration. To him, Matthew was nothing but a child conceived between herself and another man. No doubt Paul would be glad if he never laid eyes upon the boy. And suddenly, it was important for her to show him why she had to protect him.
She rang for a footman and asked him to bring Matthew and his nurse. When the servant was gone, she lowered her voice to a whisper. “I want you to see my son.” Although it still might not make a difference, she wanted him to look at the boy. Matthew was an innocent, and nothing would ever convince her to abandon him to the mercies of a man who wanted to destroy his future.
When at last the nurse arrived, the baby was dressed in a soft cotton gown, his face rosy from sleep. Juliette took him from the nurse’s arms and added, “I’ll ring for you to come and get him in a few minutes.”
“Lady Arnsbury will be wanting him, too, Miss Andrews.” The nurse frowned, not at all approving of Juliette’s interference. There was an unspoken reminder that Matthew did not belong to her.
“I’ll only be a minute,” she promised.
When they were alone again, she pressed a kiss to Matthew’s forehead. His skin was soft, and he smelled of soap. Just holding him brought another ache to her heart. “I’m afraid for him,” she admitted. “With a few words, the earl could ruin his life. And I wouldn’t be here to help him.”
“When will you start living your own life again, Juliette? You made the choice to give him to your aunt and uncle. He istheirson now.”
“He’s the only son I’ll ever have. I can’t turn away from him.” She fought back the tears, facing him. “If you ask me to choose between you and protecting my son, there is no choice to make.”
The look in Paul’s eyes sliced her heart, and though it was the truth, she hadn’t meant to hurt him. She did care about Paul, so very much. If he walked away from her now, an emptiness would remain in her heart.
“I won’t beg, Juliette.” Paul drew closer, and his words held a cold edge. “But I’ll speak the truth. If you don’t walk away from the lad, Strathland will win this battle. He’ll manipulate you until you’ve given him everything. And I’ll no’ be able to save you.”
“How can you ask me to leave him?” She held the boy tighter, kissing her son’s cheek. He babbled nonsense at her and grinned. At the sight of Matthew’s first two teeth peeking out from the bottom, she didn’t want to miss more of his life. “I can’t go now.”
“I thought you had more courage than that.”
“It’s not about courage,” she snapped. “It’s about keeping my child safe.”
“He’s no’ yours any longer.”
“He’ll always be mine.” Juliette couldn’t hold back the tears now, and Paul crossed over to touch her shoulder. The boy was squirming to get down, and she set Matthew down by the chaise longue, letting him hold on to the edge.
“You’re framing your life around his,” Paul said gently. “You’re a danger to Matthew, the longer you stay.” The boy began to chortle as he balanced himself and tried to take a few steps. A moment later, he fell on his backside, startled at the loss of balance.
“He’s an innocent,” she whispered. “I don’t want him to lose everything because of the earl’s suspicions.”
Paul helped the boy to his feet, holding on to Matthew’s hands. “I’m not asking you to ne’er see him again. Only to walk away from Strathland’s snares.”
She said nothing to that. The rational side to her mind knew that he was speaking sense, but it was more than the need to protect Matthew. It was her shameful desire to be in his life, to be his mother, even if from an invisible distance. To give him her love, even if she could never give him a home.
Paul crossed his arms, his voice hard. “If you stay, Strathland will continue his schemes. He’ll use your sisters, your family, and Matthew to twist you into obedience.”
