She’d let herself fade away, in a living death. Paul was right to leave her, for she’d given him no hope at all. He’d left his family and friends to be with her, and she’d continued to push him away during the past few months. Now that she’d reached out to him, it was too late. He’d made his choice.
A wetness spilled over her cheeks, and she was startled to be crying. She deserved this, didn’t she?
Deep inside, her anger stirred, for by hiding herself away from the world, she’d allowed Lord Strathland to defeat her. Why? Why should she let his violence destroy everything she wanted? Her shoulders shook as she wept silently, gripping the edges of her gown. She hated her life, hated the woman she’d become. She was an empty shell, someone who had fallen into despair because of a single night that wasn’t her fault.
She didn’t want to continue the rest of her life in the shadows. Itwascowardice, pure and simple. She was too afraid to let anyone touch her again, and instead of facing her fear, she’d retreated into a cocoon of her own making.
Paul had only spoken the truth. Shehadbeen hiding from her own life, trying to bury her shame. But more than that, she was afraid to ask for more. Afraid to reach for the dreams she wanted.
But if she could have even a few years of joy, would it be worth it? Did she dare to try?
“You should have kissed him,” her sister remarked in a sleepy voice. “Men like kissing.”
Juliette came to sit at Margaret’s side. The haze of laudanum was dictating her sister’s thoughts, for she knew Margaret would never say such a thing. “But that would not be proper.”
“You shouldn’t be a spinster, Juliette. Every woman needs a man to manage.” She yawned and held on to her pillow, curling up to sleep again. “And kissing is rather nice.”
Juliette’s mouth softened into a smile, though she wondered who Margaret had been kissing. As she tucked in her sister, she thought of how Victoria had fought against vivid fears to step outside and live again. She’d won the heart of a duke and was now expecting her first child.
She voiced another silent prayer that Mr. Sinclair would find Victoria and get help from the duke to save her.
And in the meantime, it was time for her to break free of her imprisonment and live again.
One month later
Dear Paul,
I know I stopped answering your letters a long time ago. I believe these answers are past due.
Paul held the bundle of letters Juliette had begun sending him over the past few weeks. The first few were filled with small bits of conversation, telling him about her morning, offering news about her cat, Dragon, and asking him questions about his work at the hospital. Nothing of great importance. Sometimes she confessed to him how worried she was about her sister Victoria.
He felt like an adolescent boy, reading the letters more than once at night. But her message was clear—she didn’t want him to return to Scotland. Instead, it seemed she was trying her best to move forward with her life instead of hiding behind closed doors.
He’d composed his own letter, answering her questions, and then he’d sent her a packet of cherry comfits from the apothecary shop.
The letters had kept him from returning to Scotland, for it meant there was a chance at winning her heart. And they gave him something to look forward to. He learned that her favorite color was green and that she couldn’t sing at all. She loved mathematics and was terrible at sewing.
He told her that his favorite color was blue, and he was quite good at singing.
Braggart,she’d accused, claiming that she wanted to hear him before she’d believe it. And then she’d sent him a sprig of dried heather.It’s not blue, but I thought you would like it,she’d written.
The sight of the heather made him homesick, and he wondered where she’d found it.
He wanted to see her again. An occasional dance at Lady Vaughn’s ball or a glimpse of her at an assembly wasn’t nearly enough. He wanted to kiss her again, to press beyond friendship.
The best letter had come only a few days ago.
Dear Paul,
I’ve just learned that my sister Victoria is safe. I cannot tell you how relieved I am.
In reply, he’d sent her a simple invitation.Meet with me on the southern banks of the Serpentine. I want to hear about it.
Juliette had agreed to come, and after an hour, he saw her strolling down the gravel pathway. She was accompanied by her sister Margaret, and the late April sunlight shone against their parasols. A maid and a footman followed them at a discreet distance while Paul stood waiting for them.
As soon as Juliette caught sight of him, she offered a tentative smile. It warmed him, and for the first time, she seemed eager to see him. He waited patiently until the pair of them drew close.
“Hello, Dr. Fraser,” Juliette greeted him.
