She pressed her lips together and thought a moment. “If we married in secret—even if you’re gone—he could not force me to wed.”
Matthew gave no answer at first, for he knew that she was seeing him with stars in her eyes. And while he wanted to believe that he could be the right husband for her, he was hesitant to trap her into a marriage when she was so young.
Her eyes widened at his silence, and she blurted out, “Do you…not want me?”
He reached out to caress her cheek and gave her the truth, “I want you far more than I should, Lily.” If James knew the thoughts that were coursing through his brain, he would be loading a pistol.
But his reassurance eased her panic, and she wound her arms around his neck. “You’re the only man I’ve ever loved, Matthew. I cannot imagine wedding anyone else. Or worse, what comes after.” Her cheeks flamed at the subtle mention of the marriage bed. “Please help me.”
A flare of unexpected jealousy caught him, for he could never allow another man to touch Lily. When she lifted her face to his,he claimed her lips. Sweet and innocent, she offered everything of herself, and he could not deny that he desired her. Lily had a way of entwining herself within his mind until there was nothing else. He cared about this beautiful young woman and did not want her to be hurt or threatened while he was gone.
Matthew removed the gold ring from his little finger and passed it to her. It had belonged to his grandfather, and when he offered it, Lily’s face brightened with joy.
“I will be so proud to wear this,” she said, slipping it onto her finger. “Perhaps upon a chain around my throat until you return.”
He kissed her again. “I will come back to you, Lily. I promise you that.” An engagement might be enough to dissuade Lord Penford from demanding that his daughter marry another man.
She traced the edge of the ring and said, “I will arrange for a minister to hear our vows tomorrow night. But it cannot be here in London. Perhaps we could meet at an inn.”
Her impetuous offer made him realize how serious she was. He caught her hands and was truthful. “Lily, we cannot marry this soon. You do not have your father’s permission, and we don’t have a license. It would not be legal.” He didn’t want her raising hopes that would only be dashed.
“I know it,” she whispered. “But if my father believes we have consummated the union, he would not dare arrange a marriage between myself and Lord Davonshire. The scandal would be terrible.” She closed her eyes for a moment, and her mood shifted. “Matthew, if you are gone for a year, let me imagine that it’s real. Let me believe that I am your wife and that you love me.” She rested her hands upon his heart. “It will be enough.” Her hazel eyes filled up with trust, making him feel as if he did not deserve her.
“I will return to you,” he promised. And if the illicit vows would protect her until he returned, keeping her from an unwanted marriage, so be it.
And when she kissed him again, he hoped he was making the right decision.
Chapter Three
Present day
“Lily, dearest, I must speak with you.” Her grandmother, Mildred, Lady Wolcroft, leaned heavily against her cane as she walked into the small sitting room where Lily was seated with her sister and their mother, Lady Penford. “I wanted to—”
Her grandmother’s words broke off at the sight of her daughter. Lady Penford was seated by the fire, happily knitting, while she wore a ball gown and all her jewelry.
The older matron’s face transformed into confusion. “Iris, what on earth are you wearing?”
Lily winced, shaking her head slightly. “It’s not a good day, Grandmother,” she told Lady Wolcroft. “Leave her be.” Their mother’s moods had been up and down over the past few days. She had been suffering from confusion ever since their father died, two years ago. Sometimes she withdrew and hardly spoke, while at other times, she behaved like a child. There was no reason to upset Iris when she was safely at home where no one would judge her by her clothing.
Her grandmother ignored her. “This isn’t a ball, Iris. You really ought to go and change back into a day dress. You look ridiculous.”
“But Rose is getting married!” Iris beamed at her eldest daughter. “And to an earl, no less. I am simply delighted for them both, and I thought it only appropriate to wear my best gown and jewels to the wedding.”
During the past few months, Rose had recovered from a sudden illness that had stolen her ability to walk. Her sister had fallen in love with an Irishman who had helped her recover, though she still needed the support of a cane. And even now, Lily saw the flush of excitement on her sister’s face at the mention of marriage.
“The wedding will be next month, Mother,” Rose said, exchanging a glance with Lily. “There is time enough to wear our best gowns.”
Iris reached out and squeezed Rose’s hand. “Next month, yes. I will be ready.”
“Have you thought about getting married here?” Lily asked, sending her sister a silent look. Although Rose was marrying an Irish earl, the wedding didn’t have to take place in Ireland. “Wouldn’t it be easier to have the ceremony before you go?”
Her sister sent a weak smile. “Iain doesn’t want to. He wants our tenants to share in the celebration. And it gives him a reason to offer them supplies to last them through the winter. After the feast, the leftover food will be divided among the people.”
Lily wasn’t looking forward to the journey across the Irish Sea. She would have preferred to celebrate the marriage here, where their mother could be protected. Iris’s spells of madness were growing more frequent, and she wasn’t certain how many good days remained.
“Ireland is a godforsaken land riddled with famine,” her grandmother pronounced. “I, for one, believe they should bemarried here.” She raised her chin and then fixed her attention on Lily. “But I did not come here to discuss a wedding that is still weeks away.”
Lily picked up her mending and began to sew up one of the holes in her stocking. She suspected she was the subject of her grandmother’s censure, but for now, she hoped she was wrong.
