She rested her hands upon his chest, meeting his gaze. “I feel a bit like I’ve been tossed through a storm. I hardly know what to think.”
He stroked back a fallen strand of her hair. “I am courting you, Lily. I want to start again and rebuild what we once had.”
She hesitated and covered his hand with her own. “I do want you to be well and whole again, however long it takes.”
He understood then, that this was about trust. She didn’t know if he would fall back into the darkness in which he was imprisoned. “I was a different man when I was taking those medicines,” he admitted. “I haven’t touched any since then, and it has helped.”
“It wasn’t the medicine that wounded your spirit and your mind,” she reminded him.
“No. But I have shut out that part of my life. It needs to stay in the past, and I won’t think of it again.” He believed that it was the best way to move on and let the nightmares remain where they belonged.
She was silent for a time, but her hand moved across his heart. “A part of me wants to agree and pretend that everything is back to the way it was before you left.” She raised her eyes to his. “But neither of us is the same person. And I don’t believe locking away bad memories will make them go away. I’d rather face them with you.”
“I’m not going to ever speak of what happened in India.” It was easier to behave as if that time had never existed.
She studied him with a pensive expression. “It might help you. But I will not ask it of you. I’m only afraid of what will happen if you lose yourself again.”
“It will not happen,” he swore. “I have no reason to take laudanum or opium anymore.” He leaned down and kissed her lightly. “All I want is to spend time with you, Lily. I feel more like myself when you are near.”
Her hazel eyes softened, and she answered, “I am glad of it. And I hope that each day grows easier.”
Matthew wanted to ask her to marry him, but sensed that they were still rebuilding trust. Before he could say anything more, Lady Penford entered the drawing room. She smiled at the sight of him and said, “Lord Arnsbury, you are looking well.”
The dog went up to Lily’s mother and sniffed her skirts, his tail wagging. Matthew nudged him aside and kissed Iris’s hand. “As are you, Lady Penford.” And she did appear to be having a lucid day. She wore a light blue day dress and a rope of pearls around her neck.
“Have you asked my daughter to marry you yet?” she inquired, smiling at him.
Matthew returned the smile and saw Lily’s hesitant expression. “Not yet. I need to be certain she will agree before I ask her.”
“Nonsense. You were nearly married once before.” Iris turned to her daughter. “Don’t you want to marry Matthew again?”
“I—I might. I don’t know.” She seemed to be grasping at reasons to delay her answer. “I should finish this correspondence course for now.”
Matthew reached for her hand. “I see no reason why you could not finish it after the wedding.” He squeezed her hand lightly and leaned in to her ear. “Play along, Lily. Let her have a little joy.” Her face relaxed when she realized he had no intention of pressuring her into marriage.
“I quite agree,” Iris said. “Perhaps you could wed next month. That would give you enough time to have the banns read.”
He winked at Lily and asked, “What do you think?”
She looked at her mother, and a slight smile spread over her face. “It might be better to have a Christmas wedding. It’s rather cold and rainy just now.”
“Oh, Idolike that idea.” Her mother beamed. “We could have a wonderful party with holly and a fir tree lit with candles.”
Matthew released Lily’s hand and bowed to her mother. “And dancing.” He offered his hand, and Iris took it. He led her in a country dance to the end of the room, and as he spun her, the older woman laughed with delight. Sebastian barked, his tail furiously wagging as if he wanted to join them.
But it was the gentle understanding in Lily’s eyes that caught his attention. She knew he was trying to bring a bit of light into Iris’s life, a moment of happiness. And when he bowed to Iris at the end of their dance, she sank into a chair, still laughing.
“Oh my. I haven’t danced in years, I don’t think.” She reached for a fan on a side table and opened it, fluttering it in front of her face. Sebastian trotted toward her and rested his face in her lap. Lady Penford rubbed his ears, still smiling. Then she reached into a fold of her skirt. “I’d nearly forgotten. Calvert asked me to give you this note. It’s from Evangeline Sinclair.” She held it out to her daughter.
Lily stepped back and tore open the note. She read aloud:
Dear Lily,
I fear my dog is dying, perhaps of boredom. Annabelle lies next to the hearth all day, doing absolutely nothing. Will you bring Sebastian and perhaps we could take them both on a walk?
Warmly,
Evangeline
