“He drank brandy with whatever was in that bottle,” Paul snapped. “If we canna purge him, he willna live to see the dawn.”
Juliette began to pray as she fetched a basin for her husband. “Was it laudanum?”
“Opium and alcohol,” Paul said. “Hardly better than poison. It would stop the heart of most men.” He turned Matthew over. “Bring the basin. This willna be pleasant, but it’s all we can do.”
The fear within her turned to an iron resolve. She would not let him die. If she had to force him to retch for hours, they would do whatever was necessary to save his life. And she thanked God that her husband had the medical knowledge to do so.
“Tell me what we must do.”
The bleakness on Paul’s face was numbing. “You must pray. Both of you.”
Juliette kept up her vigil for the rest of the night, until it seemed that Matthew had nothing left in his stomach. It was ghastly, seeing him so broken. Even the kitten Lily had given him was meowing weakly.
But after a few hours, Paul nodded. “I think that’s everything. We’ll get him to bed. And he is no’ to have laudanum, alcohol, or anything else for a long while. His body must heal itself.”
And his mind,Juliette thought. She didn’t want to believe that he had done this to himself on purpose, but he needed help to get through these next few weeks.
Her husband lifted Matthew back to the bed, and Charlotte sat beside him. “I knew he wasn’t sleeping.” Her voice held heartbreak and devastation. “But I never realized he had lost himself so deeply.”
“He was far worse than we realized.” Juliette took the opposite side so that Matthew was surrounded by those who cared about him. Her husband rested his hand upon her shoulder, but she was weeping openly. There was no point in trying to hold back her emotions when they filled her with such fear. They could have lost him this night.
“He may live,” Paul said. “But he’ll be needing a reason to pull himself out of the hell he’s living in.”
Juliette lifted up the kitten, nestling the animal closer to Matthew. The animal snuggled against his side, taking comfort from the warmth.
“We will all help him,” she swore. “But I think the person he needs the most is Lily. She still loves him, and I believe he needs her.”
“Do you think she can bring him out of this melancholy?” Charlotte ventured.
Juliette touched Matthew’s hand and stroked it. “I don’t know. But she is the best hope for him now.”
Chapter Eight
Lily had not expected the journey to Ireland to be so disheartening. The voyage across the Irish Sea wasn’t so terrible, but she had been shocked by so many faces of starving men, women, and children. Her sister had warned her about the conditions after the potato famine, but she had vastly underestimated the devastating effects.
James had arranged for a coach to bring them across Ireland into County Mayo, where the Ashton estate lay. The railway did not yet extend westward, so they had little choice but to travel along the roads. It would take at least a week to reach Ashton, after they had already traveled across England during the past fortnight.
Lily’s arm was healing, but she tried not to think of Matthew. In her heart, she had known he was not himself—but his actions had terrified her.
This morning, since the skies were sunny, her brother James had decided to ride with the driver. It gave Lily the chance to bealone with her mother inside the coach. Iris sat across from her and smiled warmly. “You miss him, don’t you?”
It was as if her mother had read her mind. Lily tried to feign ignorance. “Of whom do you speak?”
“Why, Matthew, of course. I can tell that you’re thinking of him.”
Although Lily wanted to believe that Iris was imagining things, it was quite clear that this was one of her better days. “Why do you say that?”
Her mother smiled. “Because I know you, Lily dear. And you mustn’t blame him for what happened.” Her gaze drifted down to her healing arm.
“Matthew was not to blame,” she lied. “I fell, and that’s how I hurt my arm.”
Iris’s expression didn’t change. “A person’s mind is a powerful thing. And when you become lost in your thoughts, the ordinary world doesn’t exist. Dreams become real, and what is real becomes a dream.” She reached out to squeeze her daughter’s hand. “I know what it is to be imprisoned by the visions of your mind. It’s more frightening than anyone could know.”
The clarity of Iris’s words made Lily’s heart ache. “Are you…aware of the moments when you’ve lost what is real?”
Her mother released her hand and stared out the window. “Sometimes I have no memory of what I’ve said or done. Other times, I dream of what happened, and it embarrasses me. I only know if it was real after I’ve spoken to someone who was there.”
Iris’s eyes gleamed with tears. “You cannot imagine the guilt or humiliation you feel. But I do believe that Matthew needs you. And if he was…somehow responsible for hurting you, you must know that he did not mean it.” Her voice lowered in volume. “The voices catch hold of you and whisper. And it’s hard not to listen when you believe what they say.”
