The woman inhaled sharply and closed her eyes. “I am so very sorry, Lily. We knew he was still having…difficult spells, but I never in my wildest dreams thought he could ever hurt you.”
Juliette’s compassion made it impossible to keep her composure. Lily’s emotions crumpled, and she wept—not from the pain, but from the realization that she could not break through the barrier between them. Matthew had continually pushed her away, rejecting her friendship and desire to help him. And now, she understood why. Though she’d never believed his hallucinations would cause him to hurt her, she had no choice but to accept it now.
When Dr. Fraser arrived with his bag, Juliette explained to her husband what had happened to Lily. His face held sympathy when he regarded her. “I am sorry this happened, lass, but I canna say that I’m verra surprised. Lord Arnsbury has endured more torment than most men, and it’s his mind that suffers now. I’d wager he knew nothing of what he was doing.”
Lily tried to gather herself while Dr. Fraser pulled up a chair and examined her arm. “H-he didn’t know. He said he’d taken a sleeping tonic.”
“Not one I gave him, I should think.” Dr. Fraser put gentle pressure against her arm, and Lily couldn’t help but yelp when he touched the swollen place. “Sorry, lass. It’s no’ broken, but he might have dislocated it when he fell on you.”
He nodded to Juliette. “Darling, give her a bit of laudanum in her tea. She’ll not be wanting to feel very much when I mend this.”
Juliette reached for a small bottle and added a few drops to the tea. “Paul is a very good physician, and he’ll fix your elbow for you. I’ve seen far worse. You can look away if it hurts too much.”
She wasn’t certain if she wanted to, but Lady Falsham insisted that she drink the tea to help relax her muscles. The laudanum did make her head feel muzzy, and after a little while, Lily was less concerned about the pain. She found it was rather interesting to watch as he adjusted the position of her arm. A little twist here, a bend there, and the pain was suddenly easier to endure.
“Keep it in a splint for a day or two, to be sure it doesn’t slip out of place again,” the doctor advised. “The swelling will go down, soon enough.” The splints held her arm in the proper place, and he wrapped it tightly in bandages to secure it.
“How long did it take you to learn all of this?” she asked Dr. Fraser.
“Years of study, lass. I went to medical school in Edinburgh, and I’ve been practicing medicine all my life. Even though I inherited my uncle’s title afterward, I still prefer to be known as Dr. Fraser, rather than Lord Falsham.”
Lily was intrigued by how much he’d had to learn in school, and yet, she imagined how fulfilling it must be to heal others. She had never known any woman to study medicine, and undoubtedly it would not be allowed. The musings helped to distract her from her injured arm.
“Do you have any books I might borrow?” she asked. “I would like to know more about healing. That is, perhaps cures for household ailments or injuries.”
He exchanged a glance with his wife. “If you want to read about it, I’ve no objection.” Then his expression turned serious.“But the cure for Lord Arnsbury is no’ one you’ll find in books. You canna splint his broken mind or wrap it in bandages.”
Lily faced him and said, “This is not for Matthew. This is for me, so that I can find something to occupy my time. I’ve spent far too much of my life pining away.”
Juliette sent a silent message toward her husband and then interjected, “Why don’t you come and pay a call again when you’re feeling better? Perhaps Paul could show you some poultices and medicines that might interest you.” She smiled and then ran her fingers along a row of books resting on a shelf on the side wall of the room. “Or this might also occupy your time.” She handed Lily a green leather book titledThe Pharmacopoeia of the Royal College of Physicians of London.“It may not be very interesting.”
But Lily found herself intrigued by the challenge. “Thank you, Lord and Lady Falsham.”
More than anything, she needed a distraction from Matthew. Though she knew he had not intended to hurt her, it broke her heart to think of how much he’d suffered. Deep inside, she was grieving for the husband she had loved and lost.
If losing herself in books would ease the gaping emptiness, she would read the dictionary itself. But perhaps the medical book might offer an escape, a chance to learn about something else that could help others.
She held the book in her lap while Lord Falsham fashioned a sling for her arm. “It will take a few weeks for this to heal properly,” he told her. “Come back to me after you’ve returned from Ireland, and I’ll see how it’s healing.”
She thanked him again for his help, and he gave her a packet of powdered medicine to take with a cup of tea at night to help her sleep.
“Lady Lily,” he said, as she stood to leave. “I will look in on Lord Arnsbury and find out what’s happened to him. Some medicines have a verra powerful effect upon the mind.”
She nodded, holding on to the book. But as she departed the house, she promised herself that she would no longer hold on to the past—instead, she would look toward a different future.
Chapter Seven
The darkness closed over him, drowning Matthew in a sea of hopelessness. God above, how could he have hurt Lily? She had done nothing wrong, and she had only come to say goodbye. Because of his drugged state, he had thrown her to the ground like an animal and hurt her arm. He despised himself for what he had done.
Matthew stood at the window of his room, staring out into the London streets. The dim flare of the gas lamps illuminated the night, and below him were men and women returning from the workhouses, along with other strangers.
He remembered the face of his torturer. Nisha Amat was her name. With black hair and deep brown eyes, she had smiled at him on the first day he’d been taken prisoner. She was beautiful in the way that a poisonous snake held one mesmerized. Her voice was soft and soothing, even as she had ordered her men to break his bones or burn his flesh.
But it was his mind that bore the greatest scars. The memories of guilt and horror washed over him, and he sat down in a chair,wondering why God had let him live. He was nothing and no one.
And now he had hurt Lily.
If he could go back and undo the mistakes he had made, if he could stop himself from drinking the sleeping potion, he would do it.
