We were married,she wanted to say. Although it hadn’t been legal.
“We are friends now, but that is all.” The words felt like a lie, even as she spoke them.
But Mr. Monroe appeared pleased. “You do not know how happy I am to hear this.” He gave her hand a gentle squeeze. Yes, he was a handsome man, but she did not feel any attraction toward him. As soon as the dance ended, she excused herself, saying that she needed to find her sister.
But Mr. Monroe seemed determined to follow her. “I could not, in good conscience, allow a beautiful lady to go alone without someone to watch over her.”
“Thank you, but I will be fine. I am only walking outside those doors to my sister.”
“I insist,” he said, tucking her hand into his arm. His sudden forward behavior bothered her, though she suspected he meant only to protect her.
Lily pulled her hand free and faced him evenly. “You are making me uncomfortable, Mr. Monroe. I have already said no.”
At least he had the good graces to appear apologetic. “That was never my intention, Lady Lily.”
She excused herself and returned to the garden where her sister was sitting. This time, Mr. Monroe allowed her to leave with no interference, but she saw his gaze fixed upon her while she walked outside. She found Rose where she’d left her, and her sister smiled. “Did you enjoy yourself, Lily?”
“No, not really. Mr. Monroe was rather overprotective.” She sank down on the stone bench and sighed. “I still don’t think I want to be here for the Season right now. The idea of dancing and flirting seems so wrong.” She had wanted to believe she could indulge in mindless merriment, but it was not so easy.
“Your heart was broken,” Rose agreed. “It’s too soon.”
That, and it was worsened by the fact that she had seen Matthew again. Hewaslooking a little better, and it was good to see him walking outside. For a few moments tonight, it had felt like old times again during their mock water fight. And it only renewed the yearning within her.
“I should return to Yorkshire,” she said. “Perhaps some time away from London will help.” But it was truly time away from Matthew that she needed. She knew he had meant nothing by the water play, but being near him had brought back all her buried feelings to the surface.
“Perhaps you will come with me to Ireland instead,” Rose offered. “Iain has already gone back home to prepare for our wedding, and I’ve promised to join him soon. If you would like to stay with us, you are more than welcome.”
The offer was a kind one, but Lily was not so certain she wanted to remain in Ireland for very long. The potato famine had caused hundreds of thousands of people to starve, and sheknew that it was a dangerous place with so many fighting for food.
“How bad do you think it will be at Ashton?”
“It will be difficult,” Rose said softly. “But I think it will be a challenge worth embracing. We will feed the hungry and rebuild the estate to its former splendor.”
It was then that she understood what her sister was truly offering—a chance to be useful. She could immerse herself in helping others, and that might take her mind off her broken heart.
“Do you know, I believe I would be glad to escape London for a time,” Lily agreed. “I need a means of occupying my time.”
And maybe then, her heart would learn to let go of Matthew.
Days passed, but Matthew knew better than to believe that his mind was healing. The lack of sleep had driven him to such madness, at last he’d asked his valet to buy another sleeping draught, one that was much stronger.
The dark brown bottle was labeled as Dr. Calaban’s Sleeping Tonic. When he uncorked it, the scent reminded him of whiskey. Matthew poured a small dram into a glass, hardly caring what was in it. He drained the glass and tasted the sharp burn of alcohol. He would drink anything if it cast him into a deep sleep.
It was early in the evening, but his hands were trembling from exhaustion. During the past three nights, he’d awakened nearly every hour, his mind filled up with images of torture and pain. He needed to be unconscious, completely devoid of dreams. If a sleeping tonic would bring him some form of relief, he would welcome it.
A soft knock came at his door, and when he answered, his footman said, “I am sorry for the interruption, Lord Arnsbury, but you have a caller. Lady Lily is here.”
Matthew was surprised to hear it, and he wondered why she had come. He rose from his chair, reaching for his frock coat. “I will come downstairs in a moment.” The room appeared to sway, but he pushed back the effects of the tonic, steadying himself.
The footman inclined his head. “She awaits you in the library.”
Matthew walked down the narrow stairs, holding on to the banister for support. With each step, he felt dizziness sweeping over him. It was clear that he would not be able to spend a great deal of time visiting with Lady Lily, or else he’d end up unconscious on the carpet. A bitter taste filled his mouth, and he felt as if his body were buoyant.
He entered the library and found Lily standing beside the bookcase. She turned around, and said, “I…wanted to see if you were feeling better. It was nice to see you more like yourself the other night.”
“Each day gets easier,” he answered. Even so, he sensed there was another reason for the call. She appeared hesitant to say more, but in her eyes, he saw the concern.
“I wasn’t certain whether I should come,” she admitted. “But then, I thought you would want to know that I am leaving for Ireland to attend my sister’s wedding. I will be gone for quite a while.”
