It was the very last place she wanted to be. “No. I am certain she is very busy with the plans for the ball.”
Her mother nodded absently. “All right, then.”
“Thank you for driving with me, Mother,” she told Iris. “You’ve made me feel so much better about the ball tonight.”
“I will send Hattie to dress your hair and help you,” her mother said. “James will accompany you, and Rose might attend if she feels well enough to dance.” Lily knew how much Rose wanted to prove that she was no longer an invalid.
“All right,” she agreed. But as they returned to the house, she imagined herself wearing a brightly colored gown that would make her feel beautiful again. She would try to smile and enjoy herself.
Her mother’s suggestion was a sound one indeed. Lily would not at all look for a new husband to marry—she would try to find the joy in each moment.
His mother adored parties and always had. From his bedchamber, Matthew could hear the lilting sounds of music coming from their small ballroom. The evening was warm, and Lady Arnsbury had opened up the doors to allow guests to spend time within the garden. It was a small space, walled off from the rest of the London streets, but he’d always found a sense of quiet among the greenery. It was nothing more than a stone patio with gravel pathways that encircled a large fountain. In the summer, roses bloomed along the brick wall, and his mother delighted in sitting upon a bench beneath a small lilac tree.
He stood with his windows open, gazing down at the darkness below. A few lamps had been set out in the garden, and he watched the guests milling about. Truthfully, he was searching for one guest in particular—Lily Thornton. Not to bother her, but simply to know if she was here. A footman had confirmed that she had indeed come to the ball. But despite endless minutes of watching over the garden, he had not seen her.
Matthew had no intention of going downstairs. He wasn’t dressed for an evening ball, and the thought of being surrounded by crowds of people was unthinkable. No—he would not dare attend.
Yet, he’d felt remorse after the way he’d behaved toward Lily. She had wanted to help him, to offer her love and sympathy. He simply couldn’t bring himself to drag her into his darkness. It was better to give her the freedom to walk a different path.
Matthew closed the windows of his room, stepping over the Beast, who was curled up in one of his shoes. The kitten had been a most unexpected gift, but the animal had offered a quiet companionship. It was difficult to brood properly when a fuzzy creature was cuddling and purring beside you.
He realized that hewantedto see Lily tonight, even if he never spoke a word to her. If he ventured downstairs, he could remain in the shadows of the staircase, watching over the guests in his mother’s ballroom. No one need know he was there.
Matthew reached for his evening coat and buttoned it, before he glanced at himself in a looking glass. His face appeared like the stuff of nightmares, almost wild and frightful. The angry red scar made him look like a pirate, not to mention that he hadn’t shaved in days and his eyes were bloodshot from lack of sleep. It would send any young woman screaming from the sight of him.
A monster in the shadows, indeed. Still, there was nothing to be done for it. He ignored the mirror and strode out of the room,closing the door behind him. From below, he heard the lilting stringed instruments and the melody of a waltz.
Matthew took the stairs slowly, not wanting anyone to see him. When the hallway was empty, he hastened down the remaining steps, slipping back behind the left side of the staircase. From here, he could glimpse the open ballroom and the men and women dancing.
Dozens of guests filled up the space, and he searched again for Lily. She could be standing against a wall with her sister or grandmother. But no, she was not among the wallflowers.
He thought he heard her voice, and then he spied a young woman dressed in vivid purple with a pearl necklace that dipped to the curve of her breast. Lily’s brown hair was swept into an updo, with two curls on either side of her face. And she was smiling.
Matthew took a step forward, staring at her. She was laughing at something her companion had said, fanning herself lightly. It looked as if she were enjoying herself, and something tightened within him.
It was better for both of them if she found happiness with someone else. He knew that. And yet, he took another step closer, his hand gripping the wooden bannister.
She laughed again, and then her gaze shifted to the hallway where he was standing. Without knowing why, he took a few steps forward, letting her see him. He crossed his arms, nodding to her in silent greeting.
Her smile faded, and then she turned back to her companion, behaving as if she hadn’t seen him…though she had. The question was whether she would return to the ball, as if nothing had happened.
Matthew waited a moment before he slipped into a smaller hallway that led to the outside garden. He opened the door and breathed in the warm night air. Gravel crunched beneath hisfeet as he walked along the perimeter of the house. The lighted windows offered stolen glimpses at the guests, but he ignored them. He had seen what he’d wanted to see.
His mind and conscience battled with one another. He wanted to talk with Lily and perhaps apologize for his behavior the other day, though he ought to leave her alone. For a moment, he stood beside a tall arbor vitae, trying to decide whether to return to his room or whether to approach her.
Fate made the decision for him when he saw her walk outside into the garden with her sister standing nearby. Matthew emerged from the shadows but remained far enough away that he was not intruding upon their conversation.
Lily surprised him, however, when she strode across the gravel pathway and stopped directly in front of him. “Are you all right, Lord Arnsbury?”
Her use of his title instead of his first name was not lost on him. Clearly, she was trying to maintain distance between them.
“I am, thank you. I thought I would take a short walk.”
The deep purple of the gown brought out the green in her hazel eyes, and her thin shawl did little to hide the curve of her shoulder. Unbidden came the memory of pressing his mouth to that shoulder, kissing a path lower. A sudden rise of heat came over him, and he gritted his teeth against the unexpected desire, forcing it back.
She hesitated, asking softly, “Is this the first time you’ve been outside since you returned?”
“It is.” Part of him wanted to return upstairs, but itwastedious there, with only a kitten for company.
