"I think so. Alex—"
"I didn’t have sex with anyone else, so it had to happen then."
Alex still wears a strange expression as his fingers slide gently over his lower belly and then he whispers, "Pregnant with my stalker…" with this odd little smile.
"Hey! Pregnant with me. I was him, the whole time."
"It was such a crazy experience… Why would you even decide to wear a mask?"
"Because I thought there was no chance for us, Alex, and I hoped that if I stalked you, staying anonymous, you would eventually let yourself find a new man, create a family, be happy, and forget us, as just a high school crush."
Alex scoffs sharply, almost angrily. He gets up so fast it makes me straighten up.
"You were never a high school crush! Never! You were the… love of my life, Bay! And you are."
Our eyes lock.
Alex slides his hand over his belly.
"You really feel it? Our child is growing there?"
"Yes. There’s a note of vanilla in the air typical for pregnancy."
He shuts his eyes.
"It doesn’t feel real. Sometimes I feel like we’re living inside a strange dream that only recently, yesterday, stopped being anightmare. And is it even the end of it? I’m scared, Bay… scared for the child’s safety. There is so much death and danger around us."
For a moment I stare at the floor. I tried so hard to make him feel safe all these years, but in some ways I still failed. Alex lived in stress and anxiety and it took its toll. The sad part is, it’s not like it was unwarranted in his case. His life really was often endangered. I reach for his small hand, wrap my fingers around it, and pull him closer.
My words are soft, perhaps not as full of conviction as I wish. "Life is stronger than death, and right now a new life is beginning inside you."
Alex drops his wet amethyst eyes to me and searches my face. He probably senses my hesitance.
"Do you even want to have a child with me?"
The answer to this is so easy.
"Oh, Alex. There is nothing I want more! I’m from a big family myself, I always wanted to have kids. A family with you, a life with you, it would be a dream come true. But I know we are both emerging from something like a prolonged nightmare, only freshly closing the chapter where we lost each other. So I won’t pressure you into keeping the baby."
Alex’s eyes widen. "You’re too picture-perfect of a boyfriend, do you know it? First, you don’t mind I fuck with others if that would mean my happiness. Then you would accept me ending the pregnancy? There is something like… too by-the-book perfect, Bay! Can’t you see what the problem is? I don’t fucking want it! I want you to forbid me things! To say no! To be determined! That we will do it! We will keep him and raise him! Protect him together! Don’t you dare even consider alternatives! I want you to demand it—"
I stand up and walk toward the window, and Alex interrupts in the middle of the sentence.
A bitter feeling swells in me, flooding me.
"Would you truly be mine if I just… took you."
Alex stares at me, blinking; he obviously doesn’t understand how this is related to what he said.
"Call me weak, not alpha enough. But I would rather die for you than force my will upon you."
Alex lets out a quiet breath, sounding a bit like a sob.
"Force it!"
Now I blink, not understanding.
"Fight for what you want, Bay! I did! And now wecanbe together! Your turn. Fight for the world where our child can be safe. Create this reality for us, Bay!"
