I don’t want him to look at me with fear.
With shock. With pity. Things between us would never be the same, never.
No more crying. I have to pull myself together, get it together, keep it together. Come on, Bay, be strong!
I sit there for a while, my head hanging low. I can’t move a single muscle, the will to live slipping away, but then my eyesfall on a new notebook half-hidden beneath a pile of old diaries. I slowly pull it out and stare at the cover.
It’s pink. How the hell did I even grab that one? Probably as a spare… Still, the color softens something in me. It reminds me of Alex.
Alex deserves a mention in my diary, that much is certain.
But does he deserve to be written about under those grim entries I can barely look at myself?
Carefully, I open the pink notebook. The blank page draws me in, and I start to write.
"On the first day of school, I sat next to a tiny boy. He was beautiful, so much that I didn’t think someone that cute could even exist. He had blond hair with a pinkish shimmer and amethyst eyes. I couldn’t stop staring at him, I just couldn’t. There was something magical about him. Back in middle school, I liked a few omegas, but they were just my friends. He’s different. It’s a different kind of attraction, one I’ve never felt before. A little scary. Exciting. I hope I get the chance to know him better, even though I probably shouldn’t get too close. But maybe… maybe we could be friends?"
I stop writing and make a small, simple sketch of Alex. It’s not very good, but I manage to capture his big glasses, small nose, and full lips. If I could, I’d smile, because that little figure deserves a bit of kindness. But my face won’t move, and the pen slips from my fingers.
I fall back on the bed, my breathing growing shallow. Because I’m not meant for Alex. I can’t get closer to him than just aregular friend. I can’t. It’s out of the question.
I don’t deserve anything good. I’m trash.
A cumdump.
All I can do is watch him from afar.
???
The next day at school starts with world history class.
Funny thing, I walk into school like it’s something flat, drawn on paper by a child’s hand. It lacks pastel color, and it’s only black and red. I’m overflowing with both.
I have History with Alex, and for some reason I expect to see him right away. When I walk into the classroom, there’s no one there yet. Dad dropped me off early, same as before.
I take my seat and wait.
Unfortunately, the next to show up are Zion and Kaen. They look kind of glammed-up, wearing tight pants, maybe even a touch of makeup.
They greet me right away and keep chattering nonstop.
But I don’t want to talk to them or even look at them. I want to see Alex.
Then I scold myself for that. Again! What could I even want from him? Someone like me, dirty, disgusting, used, broken alpha.
I’m afraid to want to know him, and yet, against all reason, I do.
Then those two alphas with crude faces walk in. They glance at me but don’t come over when they see I’m talking to omegas.
Kaen shoots me a look, leans closer, and whispers super quietly,
"They’re cousins, Vin and Rob. Both from the Hanson clan, the local menace family… better watch out around them. They’ve got tons of relatives here, all ugly as fuck. Uncles, cousins, even one brother in prison…"
I’ve never heard of that family beyond what they mentioned yesterday. None of my brothers ever went to this high school anyway. My parents only sent me here because of the good music program.
It’s in a different suburban area than the one my brothers River and Winter attended. So I don’t know anyone here, and no one knows me.
That’s exactly when Alex walks in.
