This is big, life-changing news.
And this is something I have to share with Bay. I don’t want to keep my therapy secret any longer, enough secrets between us already, maybe more than I would have liked and maybe some that should never have existed in the first place.
I say goodbye to Blue and land on my bed, staring at the ceiling.
But how to put it all in words? I don’t want to talk over the phone. I need to say it face to face.
For a long time, I go over different scenarios, as a subtle excitement arises in me.
Strange. On some level, I’m shocked.
On another, I’m not surprised at all.
We are meant to be, it’s as simple as that.
???
Three weeks later on Saturday, even though I feel weak and lightheaded after my therapy session, I manage to make it to Bay’s concert.
Watching him on stage, my head is fogged with a thousand thoughts I can’t line up properly, I need to finally sort all this out, I need to tell Bay the truth.
This time I’m the one surprised.
When I finally see Bay backstage alone, he tells me he’s not going out with the guys and instead asks me to go have dinner with him.
Interesting. Though he offers it in such an easy tone, as if nothing unusual were happening between us, as if this were simply a friendly situation: two old acquaintances trying to catch up on the lost years by talking through a decade’s worth of events.
His delivery is casual and relaxed, it doesn’t sound like an invitation to a proper date, so I try not to behave like it is one, and we get into Bay’s car, a very luxurious dark red Audi, and drive downtown to one of the elegant restaurants that offers a beautiful view of the city skyline, apparently Bay likes that kind of atmosphere.
The restaurant is in a high-rise and as we sit in a quiet spot by the window I feel nerves running along my spine like tingling chills.
We sit and order, Bay takes out his ever-present vape and starts smoking, his eyes slightly narrowed and focused on my face while he sits loosely against the back of his chair.
Maybe it really is just a friendly meeting and I’m imagining too much, but either way I need to say this, I need to get it out after all these years.
Bay deserves to know. Enough secrets.
"Do you remember how four years ago… I emailed you asking you to send blood samples to that address?"
He inhales deeply from his vape and turns his head toward the clear, luminous fountain in the center of the restaurant, watching the streams of water lit by colored lights.
"Of course," he answers shortly, his eyes oddly distant.
"Why did you never ask what I needed them for?"
"Did I have to?"
I stay silent, not understanding that answer.
"Couldn’t I just trust you? Believe you’d use it for a good purpose?" he tilts his head slightly.
Duh, I feel embarrassed.
"I don’t know if I deserve trust, I’ve done my share of reckless things," I add, clenching my jaw a little, though I am definitely not going to talk about it now.
"Either way I want to finally explain why I needed those samples."
Bay just sits there calmly, waiting, watching me.
